"Bouts of depression" was actually the topic at the AA Zoom meeting I went to this morning. It was my regular Saturday morning meeting, and it was good to see familiar faces. Everyone had different experiences with depression, but all were glad that they had a recovery fellowship to help them deal with it.

I have suffered with bouts of depression my whole life. I have had several therapists, but find the most success through physical activity and (again) going to AA meetings. I don't rely on SR as much as I could, but feel it is immensely helpful.

Hi Jeff,

I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way right now. It sounds like you may be drinking again, I hope I’m wrong and that you are still sober.

Life can definitely be challenging, especially right now, but there are some things you can do to help how you’re feeling. You were seeing the therapist for a bit, are you still doing that? I know you’ve been resistant to see a doctor about possible options, one of which may include antidepressants, but I think it’s worth exploring.

You deserve to be happy, and you are worth investing the time into to make this happen.

What can you do today that may help you take some steps in that direction?

❤️ Delilah

Sorry you're feeling this way Jeff.

I've read studies that say exercise and diet can be as efficacious as antidepressants. Always makes me feel better. But I'm not a doctor. I think psychotropics are sometimes needed, but overprescribed. The choice is ours in the end.

I understand too, that Modern psychology no longer asks for people to dredge up their miserable pasts for recovery to occur. It's about being present, now. It takes practice, and perseverance, and I don't think you ever "get there". The journey grows. Acceptance. Grace.

I think its important to process stuff, but to flog ourselves indefinitely is not a way forward.

If one is sober and living in recovery the tears will stop and be replaced with optimism, calm and an acceptance of what’s gone before and gratitude of what’s to come. That is my experience.

I hope this outpouring of posts to you helps Jeff. You’re a valued member here.
whatever happened in the past has no bearing on that.

If you think you have some PTSD I hope you think a little more on what you can do about that.

Stay sober man :)

D

Pretty much anything Dee wrote to me used to bring tears to my eyes, Jeff. ;) You're that raw. I get it.

I was part of a self-loathing club at AA. I grew out of it. Not that I gained a ton of self-respect, but I truly learned -- in my heart -- that my shame and pain and anger at myself were a kind of pride, and I set that aside. Mostly of course -- I still have my days.

Treat yourself like you would treat a sick child. That's what you are. And like others have said, consider a good doctor, or a good mentor.

There will be better days ahead for you.

One thing about being sober is that I feel my feelings. no longer numb. I think in the end its a good thing.

Reconciling the guilt, shame and responsibility I feel for my situation is rough and something I am still working on, Jeff. I am 59 years old. I got sober on 23 December 2015, and sobriety has brought me many good things, such as being one class away from my AA degree in social work--I plan to continue and receive my Bachelor's. However, things aren't perfect; I wrecked my car in the fiasco that got me sober and haven't been able to afford another--oh, well. I ride my bike and have got healthy from doing it. I don't have a relationship and I think at my age I may never have one--but that's okay. I have regained the self-respect and trust of the people I love, and proven that I can take care of myself without reaching for the bottle when trouble comes. You seem like a nice guy to me--you want to change. You know there is something better out there for you. You can do this--it's a cliche, but it's true; as far gone as I was, if I can get sober, so can you.

Dee, I have to stay sober, I have had 2 relapses since christmas and both were not good. I'm fricking half crazy as a sober person, when drunk I am a maniac. But I am a human being and I hurt, and I cry and I have feelings. I have been told that a suffer from depression and I think they might be right. Then again, I'm not a doctor so I don't know what I feel and if its wrong. My brother once told me "you have to stop thinking like that" and my response was if I could, I would it would make life a lot easier. Its not that easy.

I'm glad you're not drinking Jeff - thats good news :)

D

I have dealt with a fair bit of depression dear Jeff....very recently in fact.
The way you feel now feels like how I felt.
I got help fast. I needed it. And I am getting better and stronger (again) every day.

I think counsellors are gold.
Talking through this.....understanding what is going on.....it gave my my stability back. :hug: ❤️

If you suffer from underlying depression that isn’t alcohol related then being sober and working a sound recovery program in conjunction for treatment for depression from medical professionals is very efficacious in my experience.

I was 50 when I found myself still drinking every night after work. 25 years spent attending and not attending AA meetings. I wasn't one of Those People.....until I realized I AM one of Those People.


What do you do when you realize what a mess you made? You start to clean up that mess.


You start by learning not to drink every day. You learn to begin to live a sober life and you begin to heal. You find work, you continue to work on self with the help of a recovery program (Women for Sobriety, Men for Sobriety, LifeRing, SOS, AVRT, SMART, Refuge Recovery, AA, other programs). You face your creditors and begin to pay them back, you keep working, keep staying sober and life begins to open up.


I got sober at the age of 50 and I had made an absolute mess of my life. In the last 9 years, I have been able to pay back old debts, find and keep working, buy a home, and stay sober........

The bottom line is this: You can be and stay sober if you want it badly enough. We just need to want to be sober more than we want to die drunk (or from alcohol related accident).

I know you can stay stopped, too! I wish you well on your sober journey!

p.s. While I was getting sober, my best drinking buddy was in the hospital dying because alcohol was shutting her organs down. She died one month later.

Do you want to try a sober way of life or die a slow and painful alcoholic death?

Seems the only way out for me with the existential pain is through. Still in it in intense bursts as I had suppressed so much for so long. I also have been facing a self-inventory too which isn’t easy, but I suggest staying objective. Self-loathing is a default setting for many of us, and it is inaccurate and unfair.

You are a good man Jeff—trust us on that. Doing bad things doesn’t make a person bad, especially when you feel remorse so acutely.