Really down on myself.
 

Went to a job interview yesterday at 10AM downtown. Had reservations from start but I tried to stay optimistic. It was a nightmare and I ended up calling the agency and telling them that even if they offered me the position, I would decline.

I'm not a city person, I ended up going wrong way on a one way, parking would be $9-$16 per day. Commute is 40 minutes minimum. Never done this so I am bummed out. But I have to be realistic.

Called my wife immediately and said it wasn't going to work. She understood, she is a saint.

Am I unemployable? Do I come across as a difficult person?

You're not unemployable. Not in this economy, and with your previous experience.

I think interviews are just difficult in general, so much emotional baggage comes up for all of us while job hunting.

You wouldn't have taken the job anyway. I've worked in the city before, and it's not for me either. There is something for you, Jeff. The job is out there, you'll find it.

I HATE driving in any city. You are not alone there.
Not sure of your situation but if you can hold out for something less stressful its probably for the best.

At least you did the right thing by telling them you didnt want the job. Possibly saved them a lot of time if they were gonna offer you the job just to have you decline. Good on you for that.

Keep looking my freind. There is a seat for every a$$

You would be paying ~$3,000 in parking per year. You would be spending ~2500 hours a year just commuting to work. And if you aren’t a city person, that job would’ve been awful. I’m not a city person either.

Thomas, I don’t know you or your backstory but I am certain you are not unemployable. There really are plenty of jobs out there. Just be patient.

I wouldn't say you come across as a difficult person, but rather as a person dealing with a lot of difficulties right now. Not all of them successfully.

That demeanor could be coming across in your interviews if you are as forthright there as you are here.

Seeking employment is tough, often demeaning. As someone who has made my work and my career part of my identity, I empathize completely.

As others have said, there is tons of work available. Many small businesses that cannot offer the attractive packages have all but given up on finding decent qualified help.

Good that you are being realistic about finding a good fit though.

On the extremely rare occasion that I interview applicants, I try to trust my instincts on that person being worth the effort, but they get a lot of points if they communicate an eagerness to give it a go.

I used to work in the downtown area I believe you are speaking of. I was young and enthusiastic, and parking was cheaper then. There's no way I'd do it now. Hold out for something that won't cause you as much stress as it sounds like that job would have caused you. That's not healthy for your sobriety. I seriously doubt you are unemployable. There is a LOT of work out there. It sounds like you are going through an agency - can you think about trying looking on Glassdoor or Indeed? Or networking on LinkedIn? If you are in the metro area I think you are in, there are jobs. Keep looking. You'll find something.

I had a similar experience when I first took on some clients in a major city. But it was the only way I could really advance in my career.

You get used to it, the traffic. It always sucks, but you learn to deal with it.

Do they have a metro system you can use? I have some co-workers who just get the metro in from outside the city so as not to have to deal with it.

I also made a deal that I can work from home about 50% of the time. Not sure if that is an option for you, but it's becoming more common.

But I get it completely, I was the same way, I was working with a recruiter and when she told me about the current work with my biggest client, I was like 'No way I'm driving down there!'.

I am a small business owner in NYC metro area. I hate going into the city for work but it is a necessary evil as that is where some of the clients are. Parking $60 - $100 per day is normal. Commute time can be anywhere from 30- 160 min depending on location and traffic.

I definitely don't envy my wife who rides the train 90 min each way into Manhattan five days a week.

I cherish the days I don't need to leave my upstate workshop. It would be awesome if all the clients could just come to me :)

Not to sound to shallow, but if this was a job where I was going to make some real money, it would be a different story. Rather, this is an entry level customer service job (which I'm totally fine with). But weighing the compensation with the amount of time and sacrifice on my part doesn't make sense. There is so much work out there right now.

I am at a stage in my life where the quality of my life matters. I want time to read, workout, play with my dog, talk to my wife, research things etc....

When I go to LA to check on our rentals, I feel so bad for some of these people. There are folks who take the fly-a-way from Van Nuys to LAX, work their shift and then take the fly-a-way back home. The fly-a-way is an hour each way. So during the week all these folks do is work and travel. So sad.

That's the positive spirit, you'll find something that suits better, keep looking for that right opportunity!! :)

Is it possible to commute by other means? Say drive to a train station. Car sharing sites are gaining in popularity in the UK and you might find someone else working at the same organisation who you could car share with. A motor bike or even one of those electric bikes could be worth looking at as they are cheap or free to park and quicker than a car once you're in the city.

Sounds like the job wasn't a good fit. Nothing to get down on yourself about that, Jeff.

D

Jeff, I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm a city girl, but I've always used public transit when commuting to work because I don't like driving in the city in rush hour. :) Look at the interview as an experience that you learned something from. There will be more opportunities along the lines of what you are looking for. Be kind to yourself.

Don't be down on yourself. You are not unemployable. You are on the path of recovery and getting better. Part of being better is not settling for good enough. Good enough never is. Humility and courage will bring you together with employment that will turn out to be the right choice.

You are totally employable Jeff. If it didn't feel right it is good to listen to your instincts on that downtown job. Your first gut is usually right.

To answer your last question I have seen the digital you come across as a difficult person. But the thing that made you difficult did the same thing to all of us. When I was drinking, I would wake up the next morning totally and completely shocked at what I had said and done the night before. A thousand times.

But the real you is obviously a very intelligent and insightful person willing to help others. The opposite of difficult.

You will find your place Jeff.

Some awesome advice and replies already so I'll keep this short.

Difficult person? Not at all. Perhaps you are asserting yourself a bit which is a good thing. Avoiding putting yourself in a position that you know the circumstances of will make you miserable is a GOOD thing.

I mean, I get it - realistically we all have to do what we have to do. But the more you can find a solution that doesn't present so much anxiety riddled triggers the better off you'll be - even if it means taking something for a bit less money.

-B

PS - It's a great day to not drink!

I get down too. But then I see a guy at the gym that is limping around because he had a stroke or something.

Btw...

Mira was mentioning a nice sound online job.

I just remembered.

Thanks.

It might be helpful to consider the things you have to offer to a new employer. Be kind to yourself if you do. Thoughts of being unemployable seem to be more about dispair than an honest accounting of yourself. It doesn't stay that way forever.

You have a lot of good experience and you've struggled through some difficult times. All of that counts.

Keeping at it is courageous and will reveal more of who you are over time. It can bring to light new and different perspectives, ways of being in the world that, from your current position, are likely unimaginable. That doesn't have to stay that way forever.

The fact that you haven't yet found something that can work for you doesn't mean that you're not fit to reach your goals. This is just a stop on your way to something better and, some day, a potentially strong point of reference about what you're capable of doing.

Hang on and keep looking, the right job will come to you if you meet it halfway. :) Be good to yourself and don't add any extra stress if you can help it. :hug:

I tend to overthink. So if I cannot do a planned activity because my lower back is hurting like hell from being old and burns contractions- it is not enough for my brain to accept this. If your mind is not OK with any situation- provided we learn from our experiences-- it is best to listen.

Hi Jeff,

I’m so glad you’re interviewing and actively looking to find your next career. I also think it’s great that you are thinking through your priorities to make sure the job is the right fit for you.

If you’re working with an agency can you share your reasons for not wanting to move ahead with the job you interviewed for today and have them put location parameters when they’re searching for matches for you?

Are you also using online job search sites?

I know the right job is out there for you.

Hi thomas11.

I am waking up (early) on my Day 23 of sobriety and 17th or so day on SR. How lucky I am to have come across this thread early today, as it is yet one more source of the energy and inspiration I am finding here.

I'm not sure I can add to the perspectives and the specific tips relayed by the other posters, they have covered the waterfront, so to speak, so thoroughly.

But I want to congratulate you, t11, for your demonstratoon of so many life skills any employer worthy of your talents will be lucky to bring on board: self-awareness; a healthy vulnerability; decisiveness; practical, analytical thinking; intellectual curiosity; wisdom.

As you said in your second.post above:

"I am at a stage in my life where the quality of my life matters. I want time to read, workout, play with my dog, talk to my wife, research things etc...."

Wise words, mr. t. Your future employer will have made a smart decision in hiring you.

I get the feeling, i decided to take on an extra job in the evening two days a week, thought it would be good to use my extra time making some extra cash, anyhoo the day before I was supposed to start I text that I had found something better(lie) and he sent me back a rude text that I really f*"'d him over! I'm now glad I didn't go to work for someone who felt like they could talk to me like that yet I feel like I didn't take a chance on change either so I felt dissapointed in myself, keep looking you'll find something that fits for YOU! 💗

One simply needs to read this thread to realize what a special place SR is for some of us. The insight and encouragement offered does not go unnoticed, I am re-energized after reading all the posts. I do have value....to someone, somewhere. And I will find it.

It's easy to forget this but an interview is a two way street! They're interviewing you but you should be interviewing them as well. Sometimes out of desperation or urgent need a person will jump at the first offer only to realize very shortly that it's not a good fit at all. Before I took my current job I had an interview like that. The guy doing the interview was a half hour late, no one could find him. When I did finally talk to him the job on offer was nothing like the one advertised. I should have walked out and prevented him from wasting another hour of my time but I opted for politeness.

The point of my longwinded story is that you'd probably be miserable if you took the job! Hang in there for something that's a better fit.:grouphug:

Idea a bit out of leftfield but it maybe crazy enough to work.

Could you look into getting your story turned into a movie or TV miniseries ?

"our plane got busted with 400 lbs of marijuana in it, or he's never had a patient tell him his friend got busted with $1.4 million in cash in his wall. Or a patient tell him that a hockey bag containing 800K in cash in on their living room floor from a brinks truck heist and they don't know what to do with it."

Be worth a shot 👍

I'd watch it.

Not all that glitters is gold. In hindsight it was a stressful and wrong way to live one's life.

To your question, I was interviewed at length by an author to write a book. I don't know what came of it. Another guy while doing his stint in federal penitentiary wrote a screen play of the "life". Don't know what came of that either. I had to move on with my life. It took me 3 full years to integrate myself back into normal society (I was a hermit because I had to be) . It was horrible.

Jeff, I thought Carl hit it on the head, at least for me : Seeking employment is tough, often demeaning. As someone who has made my work and my career part of my identity, I empathize completely.. You will find a good fit, if you keepa go.