Loss of parent
 

Hello, I just lost my mother and thought it would be good to post here. She was 92 years old and had fallen and broken her hip. She had complications from surgery, but really I think she felt ready to pass.

I’m in early sobriety, so I have an urge to drink and numb the loss. But I’m going to honor my mom’s life by staying sober.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm really sorry for your loss Pinnacle.
I think honouring her memory by staying sober is a brilliant thing to do tho :)

D

I am so sorry. Loss is so final and painful. We are never ever prepared for it.

Well done with your resolve not to drink and to honour your Mums memory.

I'm sorry for your loss but commend you on sticking to sobriety to honor her.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mother. It's a testament of your love to honour her life by staying sober!

My mother died one year ago at this time of year. She also broke hip, but she was an alcoholic, which is what really killed her in the end. I drank to cope or I just used her death as an excuse to drink. Don't remember what I did at all last Christmas season. I was drunk for weeks. Silly way to honour my mother's memory.....

Thanks all. I’m really practicing being ok with my thoughts, observing them and letting myself feel. Thoughts and emotions won’t kill me, but alcohol surely will.

Perhaps bad timing or karma, but I’d actually scheduled with my vet to help my old dog cross the rainbow bridge this weekend.

Well done for staying sober pinnacle happyface:
My mother died at a similar time last year aged 92 after falling and breaking her hip. She had alzheimers and I think it was her time to go and join my father.

Did your mother like dogs? Who knows, maybe she can help your dog to cross the bridge too.

I'm sorry for your time of loss. Your dedication to remaining sober is wonderful and so very important during the recovery journey. It's so key to be able to learn new coping skills when experiencing a loss. ((hugs))

Please accept my sincerest condolences on losing your mother. The anniversary of my own mother’s passing is coming up on the 12th and although it’ll be 23 years it is still a difficult time for me. Drinking never changes the pain. I’m very sorry about your dog too. I’ve been there also. Being sober really is the only way to be there for any of it so well done on getting through all of this.

Hi Pinnacle,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom, I know how difficult this is and I’m so glad you came here and posted.

I lost my dad almost ten years ago, and December 26th it will be one year since losing my mom. In the early days I was surrounded by people and we spent time looking at pictures and sharing stories, this helped, but I also needed some time alone, and I found going for a walk around the lake near my mom’s house to be helpful. It was always a place I loved, and I felt a sense of peace there. You will be very emotional, let yourself feel those emotions, alcohol would only numb you, and it is important to let yourself feel.

Before leaving my mom’s house I took a few of her sweaters, and I wear these often. They are big and worn, but I can almost feel her around me when I have them on. I keep one in my office, and have the others here.

Please check in here often for support as you say your final goodbyes to your mom. Your memories of her, and the love she had for you will live on inside of you.

Sending you so much love and I will be thinking about you.

❤️Delilah

So Sorry for your loss.
I think staying sober is very noble as drinknig will not change a damn thing!

I was in an AA meeting last week and this woman my age, lost her 7-year-old nephew that was like a son to her, she remains sober. Through the strength of that little boy and how he encouraged her to be sober, it was amazing to see the strength she had to do what she set out to do even after something so tragic.

Hi Pinnacle,

My mother died recently (September 30th). I got sober one month to the day of her passing, for which I am so very grateful.

I've found that the grief can be intense and challenging. I'm finding it also opens up... opportunities in a way, though that isn't maybe quite the right word. If a big grief 'breaks' the heart, and grief is definitely a natural part of the life experience, maybe these experiences are actually an opportunity or invitation, even a gift, an opportunity for Life to create an opening in hearts that, in this world, so often learn to harden and clench out of habituated protection.

There is a poem that I now keep posted that has helped me. Maybe it will resonate and offer comfort to you, as well:

There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open
to the place inside which is unbreakable
and whole
while learning to sing

Thanks for sharing Wastinglife. I know my mom drank and I witnessed her blacked out drunk a few times. I don’t think she was alcoholic though. Still, it definitely runs on her side of the family.

Yes she did. I thought about them being together in heaven.

My emotions have been all over the place today. I went to a noon AA meeting and sobbed most of the time, but sharing was great. Got lots of hugs afterward and some wise words from a chaplain. Also leaned on many good friends and family. I do there is growth from the darkness.

Sounds like you managed your emotions really well with lots of support. I’m really proud of you, and know your mom will be as well. Keep checking in.❤️

I understand how you feel. My mother passed away suddenly this year and I was in shock. She went to the hospital on Friday and when I went to pick her up on Saturday she was asking for a priest and to receive Last Rites.

You're sad and will be for some time but to start drinking over her death won't ease the pain.

My condolences go out to you.

Kudos to you! Interesting perspective. You value what your mother would have wanted for you, over your drinking. You value your mother's values.

Values are what we think are more important than our feelings!

When my father died, on 2009, I stopped drinking and doing drugs because I had to help my 92 year old mother cope. I had no problem not drinking because I valued my mother more than getting high. Eventually she accepted my fathers death and I went right back to making drugs and alcohol my values and purpose in life. In retrospect, I should have realized the importance then of how values shape our behavior.

It took me five more years to realize that values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life, not getting high every chance I could.

When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. Choose good values that would make yourself, others and God proud.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, and the loss of your canine companion. :hug: I'm glad you've decided to stay sober. Drinking doesn't make the pain go away, it just covers it up temporarily, but it all comes back eventually. :(

:grouphug:

Sorry for your loss and thanks for your timely post. My 84 year old father broke his hip two weeks ago and is having complications due to surgery. Last conversation with the DR yesterday, was removing the breathing tube this weekend and making him "comfortable" - barring some miraculous recovery.

I am early in my most recent recovery also and I will NOT drink. I had 10 years sober when my younger brother died. I relapsed and binged for two years. It was not worth it, as it made things much worse. Stay strong! You wont regret it.

I do find when there is a purpose and need to help others, my desire to drink just vanishes. Isn’t that “self seeking slipping away”?

You too Izzy. In her last hour my mom insisted they take her off oxygen. She was ready to go. While that was a difficult moment, in retrospect if someone goes when they’re ready, It sure beats life being stripped from someone who is not.

Today is the appointment with the vet to help Freddie dog across the rainbow bridge. He’s lying at my feet and doesn’t want to get up. It’s time...I know, he knows.

May God grant me serenity and courage.

Tomorrow I fly home to join family.

I'm sorry PinnacleOR - best wishes and thoughts to you and Freddie today :hug:

D

I don't understand what you mean when you reference, "Self seeking, slipping away."

I do know that when you serve others, you empower yourself with your unselfish behavior and regain control of your feelings, in a healthy manner. Specifically you escape the helplessness trap from an emotional perspective. There are many ways to escape the trap of feeling helpless, but serving others is a powerful one. In fact it is why many of us post here, including me.

We all want to experience happiness in our lives, we want to be in control, because the perception of control, makes us feel good.

Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. This scripture might appear paradoxical but when you delegate control to God, he reciprocates with the empowering Holy Spirit.