i strongly suggest working the steps of AA .

Good to see you posting, Gabe - but sorry for what you've been through. You know we all understand how you're feeling. Maybe this was the further proof you needed that you can't touch the stuff. That's how it was for me. I was brought to my knees the last time I went back out - and I never did it again. You can do it!

Welcome back, Gabe!

I know when I was at the point where you are, I had to take a leap of faith. It was that simple and that hard. I didn't think I was worth the effort it would take, I didn't think I was capable of stopping drinking, I had no belief in myself. But, if I hadn't taken that leap, I wouldn't be here today. Trust. Trust in yourself, Gabe and know that you can do this. :)

I tried to do it myself for about 7 years and it didn't get any better, it only got worse.
The most soul destroying thing I've ever known.
Sober for a month here and there, but always back to it and slowly spiraling.
Then came the cliff fall. Things got really bad really fast. I had blood coming out my backside and in vomit, gastric heamorage of some kind. Still drank.
The morning drink was no longer an occasional tool to fend off a mighty hangover, it was a necessity if I was going to function on any level at all that day.

I got a decrease in tolerance, which was okay I thought because now I only needed about half of the alcohol I usually consumed, but actually it meant the start of organ deterioration.

Wife kicked me out, lost my job. Went on for about another 6 months, I'd felt consigned to this was how it was going to end and suicide was seeming like a merciful option to get out of the misery.

Long story short, went to AA, fell in with a home group of hardcore big book thumpers and went through the steps and it saved my life.

Like TomSteve, I'd highly recommend it. 😀
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I'm thinking the same TS. I'm going to need to put the work in. I know that I haven't done that before but I have contacts in AA now and there are step work meetings. It seems that all roads lead back to AA......

Thanks Hevyn. I'm done. It doesn't matter how good I feel sober or what problems I have worked out, I still drink like I am trying to kill myself and one day I will, if I carry on.

I know enough now to start separating out my addictive voice/thinking from my own and to have places/people to go to for support. I have all I need for a really good plan....

I just need to commit, take responsibility and have faith that this is it for me :thanks

Thanks Anna. That is the big thing. Self-belief. I am feeling really pissed off today. I've worked though so many things, really entrenched emotional problem and come out the other side - but when it comes to drinking, my addiction has me believing that I will never be able to possibly quit for good. I even started believing that if I didn't take Antabuse I wouldn't stand a chance....

It has robbed me of my belief and my strength. ....well this is it now. No tablets and no short cuts. I have a fire in my stomache......Ive done plenty in my life.....I can kick the bum out of this and succeed......I deserve to be happy!!

I've tried to do it alone for a long time - dipping in and out of things - AA and SR, medication and self-therapy stuff. No of it has been enough to sustain me and my recovery. I think AA is the best idea for me because I have a strong sense of a higher power and I need the contact with people....I love hearing stories of recovery like yours.....thank you for sharing it with me xx

Glad you are back.

I had to be DONE with drinking - but the next critical part was acting even when I wasn't convinced of what on earth would happen if I really did commit to AA. How the program worked for all these people, what my life would be like.....I just knew I couldn't drink and really, just put one foot in front of the other every day.

I think I got to about 82 mtgs in 90 days so I always suggest people do this. The days I missed were bc of drs appointments I think. I didn't have a car, but I found ways to get places. I made really short to do lists, like 3 things (of course, the one critical thing was not to drink)- like 1 shower 2 eat twice 3 make the bed. I'm serious about all this being that "basic"- it's not easy so break it down.

You can do it - I hope this is your last start.

Thinking of you, Gabe. The early days are rough - but we're here to listen & help if we can. There's no doubt you can get free again.

I am at the point where I would try anything. I feel so much in disbelief that I am still at this point after two years of joining this forum but I've learned so much here and every time I've gone back to drinking I have learned a bit more. I am sure now that I have everything I need to stay sober - I was just lacking the personal commitment to do it and change my life.

I think AA is a great programme - I'm lucky enough to have a couple of meeting that I have felt connected too in the past but I really don't care what I have to do now so long as I move on from this place. I am really glad you made it out and thank you for sharing with me x

:tyou I am feeling pretty rough but still only on day 4. I am angry mainly - but I think that is a good thing! Angry at myself but more angry at my addiction. I just need it to be done now........I'm ready for it to be done now xx

hi Gabe,
how did it go with contacting the woman you think might be a good sponsor?

Never give up! :hug: After my last relapse, I vowed to get sober for good this time! And guess what? I did! :) I'll have 10 yrs in December. :) If I can do it, so can you. :hug:

Ah, anger. totally get that. And fear, and shame, and other legit and potentially crushing stuff. But like I said, taking the start at AA and just putting one foot in front of the other, that got me started and keeps me going.

One thing about AA, too - you don't have to be sober to go. The desire to stop drinking is what we describe as membership. You have that, even if not 100% (yet, I hope).

What are your plans today?

Hey Fini. She got back in touch and said she doesn't sponsor but would support me to find one. I'm going to meet her on Thursday at a BB step work meeting. Not been before and not sure what to expect but I'm quite excited.

I know her too from the Tuesday women's meeting and plan to keep going there again. Got root canal surgery tomorrow, so will have to wait to Thurs to get started. Have some texts to read though :)

I am so determined. I feel like I have reached the end and have been living in this relapse purgatory.

I've just decided to focus on what kind of life and what kind of relationship with myself I do want. If I carry on like this I'm certain this is my time. Those relapses just rot and fester in my life. I'm putting that burden down now and there is plenty of space for things that support recovery. Thank you for checking in with me x

I was struggling a wee bit with the thought of going back again, after drinking but I know how supportive everyone is. I have really been struck by such a strong desire to stop drinking and to change my life that I am running with it and planning like crazy. I feel ready...

Today I was back at work and still full of the cold but planned posting on SR and doing some reading.

I've got three meeting per week that offer different things - women's group, BB group and step work. Excited to see what the differences are.

I also started meditating again and made a big pot of chicken and veg soup! I'm thinking about little things every day that support the right perspective and I'm open to any tips or suggestions. I also plan to go swimming again - that has a massive impact on my anxiety disorder.

Thanks August, I hope you are well 💕

We're glad you're back with us, Gabe, and so willing to do what it takes (it sounds like AA, which has helped me get and stay sober from day 1) to get clean and sober.

Please keep us posted with your progress.

I wouldn't trade AA for anything.

great...you will have a sober support person who you can maybe get to know better and on a different level than a sponsor. sobriety buddies are such a bonus!