Went to funeral for an addict's suicide
 

Today, I went a funeral for an addicts suicide. I feel for him. I wish addicts didn't have to choose to end their lives. I wish..we didn't judge so much. I am afraid to come here or AA because I relapse. I am sad that we feel like that.

I'm sorry for your loss Press.
It's hard to know the reasons why anyone decides to take their life.

I know from my own life I judged myself way more harshly than anyone else ever could.

It takes a lot to get past that fear, and the feeling of being so unworthy of help, and ask for support but I think we absolutely have to Press.

I hope you/'ll continue to do that :)

D

So sorry about your friend.

I'm sad to hear about your friend, but it's good that you are here and sober.

That's terribly sad. I'm so sorry.

Dee said it right. I judge myself much more harshly than I ever would anyone else. I have had suicidal ideations, not 'suicidal' in that I was attempting of actually doing it. Maybe I will jump off a bridge if I am an 80 year old man with a terminal illness, but I am not done yet.

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

I would not be afraid to come here because of a relapse. If any of us here quit on our first try we would not need AA or this website. The thing is to keep trying until you find what works for you.
We all know what happens if we keep using.

Sorry to hear about yet another suicide. Seems to be an epidemic. Take care of yourself.

Maybe if you'd post here more often, you wouldn't relapse as much. I know coming here in my early days helped me stay strong. :hug:

I am very sorry about the loss of your friend in such an awful way. :hug:

Never feel affraid to come here or go to AA because you're drinking/been drinking. We've ALL been there. Sorry about your friend.

I actually did not know him. I only know his mom. I will keep coming and posting. I have 2 bottles of wine in the fridge. I don't want to drink it. Making big decisions scares me.

The best thing you could do for yourself is pour those bottles down the drain.

You're a parent yourself right?
Do it in honour and memory of that poor woman's son.

Dump it, Press. You know it's the right thing to do.

D

Ok

First of all, sorry for your loss. I know how bad it can get. Many times I thought about ending my life. So glad I hung on until I could surrender and find recovery.

In my experience, nobody could possibly pass judgement on me like I could on myself. If you are vulnerable and truly reach out, I think you'll find many willing to help. As long as there is life, there is hope.

press,continueing to drink is making a big decision- its making a decision to continue down the path that could lead to death-self inflicted or otherwise.
what is there to fear in deciding to go to any length for victory over alcohol? welp, for me that was fear of the unknown- i had no clue what my life without alcohol would be like.
something that helped give me courage was fear of the known-what my life with alcohol still in it would be like.
just gotta decide to go to any lengths and get some courage-courage doesnt mean the absence of fear;it means you'll do the right thing in spite of fear.
heres a thread of mine from a few years ago. it wasnt easy going through that but i did it sober
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...bit-angry.html

Thank you. All of you. I hate feeling vulnerable.

I don't know anyone who likes feeling that way press - but this is a safe place to talk and vent and find support :)

Anything but more drinking...

D

I poured out the wine. I feel like crying. I'm not sure if those two are related. I went for a very slow jog/walk today. Here's a list of things I used to enjoy and have stopped doing: cycling in the hills, river rafting, parties, volunteer work, hiking, camping, graduate school, journalling, exercise programs, swimming,....

Nice first steps in the right direction, Press.
Pouring out the wine... then everything else is possible.
Movement creates momentum. Right? It's always my answer to dealing with stress "naturally".
Exercise, even slow movement, allows for deeper breathing, which helps fight paralyzing anxiety and cravings.
What's next?