Worried about sister’s wedding
 

Have you discussed this with your sponsor?

Can you just attend the wedding and leave the reception soon after it starts?

Hi dpac

I don't remember my sisters or my brothers wedding much. Thats a source of regret for me.

Do yourself a favour and start thinking about a plan now.

Think about what you'll do if you're offered a drink or asked why you're not drinking. Think about what to do if you start wanting to drink.

If things get too hot, skedaddle out of there. Have an escape plan.

There are some other good ideas here too:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html

D

are you attending this wedding in order to drink or to see your lovely sister get married and be part of one of the most special days of HER life?

there is a huge difference in perception and attitude depending on your focus, your intent.

What Dee said.

I've personally done many such events in early sobriety. The most important things are both having a plan and visualizing the weekend. See yourself making sober decisions, doing the right thing. Having a plan is huge. Ways out, what to say etc

Spend time thinking this through. See yourself making your speech and then hugging your sister, not drinking. Make sure that everything to do with the reception is going smoothly. Do that for your sister, and keep the focus on her and making her wedding day the best it could be.

Yeah, not one of those you can just dismiss or not go to. Like others have said, a solid plan. How about sharing your situation with both of your sisters? Then team up with your oldest sister to help you thru the night.
When you get passed this sober, you will look back on it as a great experience and beautiful day.

I went to a birthday party 3 years ago and my family still talk about it fondly. Apparently it was really good. I drank so much I don't even remember it. Don't be me.

Morning and glad you are here and asking.

If anyone has read my thoughts on this topic, the first thing I say is:
Don't Go.
I am completely serious. While I am an AA person and it was my first sponsor who told me "No is a complete sentence, you always have the choice to use it, and nothing is worth more than your sobriety." I pass that along in all situations (here, which is not an AA place, and in the group I lead for the restaurant industry which is also not an AA group, anywhere).

I chose not to participate or go to things for quite awhile. I know people, including you, will likely say but you have to, it's your sister, etc. You don't, though - it depends on what you are planning to do, and whether you will make the right (sober) decision so early in sobriety. Yes, so early. Four months is awesome - and very early - and you've shared that you don't really use any program, and you use a lot of words like afraid, etc.

However:
If you choose to go, as others have said, a plan is essential.
Here were my basics for the first party I attended (14 mo sober) and wedding (19 mo).
Have a sober pal (in my case my now husband, who is also sober - ie your other sister)
Let people (like that friend/sister) know you will not be drinking, regardless of how/why they know.
Keep a NA bev in hand or on the table next to the picture taking or in the dressing room or wherever. Literally, wherever you are. So what if no one else is or if you have to pee a lot?
Play the whole night thru - start to finish, whether that's getting your hair done, then to the church/whatever to get dressed, the ceremony, pics, so on to the next morning. What happened along the way?

Leave at the first sec you get that itchy feeling.

I think you get my point that it is a risky situation as you describe it, you don't have a lot of support (I would not consider popping into a meeting strong support tho not a bad idea at all) and it's up to you how you will wake up the next morning. I also feel very strongly that no one else's feelings or thoughts or desires matters when it comes to this - my money would be on my brother preferring I not get hammered and even by that alone emotionally destroy the special event for everyone, if that meant I didn't go.

As I said- it's up to you.
What's most important? For me, it was and is sobriety. At 3+ yr I deal with emotional sobriety around big events, and my capacity to handle them is much greater - but I am also completely accustomed to being everywhere sober.

Good. You're working on a plan. AA wasn't a great fit for me either, but the meetings and the sobriety there were most helpful. Go to that meeting like you planed, talk about the upcoming wedding, and get some input from others.

Hang with your non drinking sister. I was surprised when I got sober at how many people don't drink at weddings. This is a situation ideal for learning how to attend without alcohol. Eventually, you will attend these things without drinking without worrying about it.

One more addition to your plan that I would include, is that you have your own transportation, and be ready to leave if things really start going south. As the Maid of Honor, you will have fulfilled your major duty at the ceremony. You may have some role at the reception, but it's not as important. If you have to make a speech, the last thing you want to do is give it while you're tipsy. That's actually borderline rude. You can disappear when you're done, and keep in mind these events done sober will be second nature in the future.

While this is an important event, it's not as important as holding on to your sobriety. That means right now, without telling yourself, you can start getting sober later. Otherwise you end up going from one event to another, always starting later. While this one is a potential stumble, it's also of monumental significance if you get through it without a drink, and that's the pattern you are trying to develop for yourself, so it's also a potential strength builder.

Good luck, and let us now how it goes.

https://www.travelandleisure.com/tri...oves-your-mood

Having mini breaks in nature helps me in many ways. One day is made up of many small minutes. Pausing and taking time to center and balance -- me time -- is important.

Good luck. It sounds like you're taking good healthy steps.

Have you told your family about your recovery? Have they been supportive?

That's some definite thought. It just also occurred to me that while this planning is so important, don't future trip! Meaning, you can change pieces of this - like stay in a different hotel so you aren't literally in the building with the bar they have avail - and so on. You're not going TODAY so each piece of your decision can be made (is being made) but like you could reserve the right to say no - making some change during the event for something that throws you off the plan is OK too.

I'd say keep your phone handy for lots of reasons. I play a lot of DOTS on my phone on agitated days at this point in my sobriety ;)

i think it would be wise to talk to your sister about it. it would be very wise to have an escape route. protect your sobriety at any cost. if people get upset because you leave to protect your sobriety then thats their problem

This really resonated with me. A way lesser comparison, but it's like when you tell yourself you'll start dieting after Thanksgiving, then it's after Christmas, then NYE, etc. You end up never getting around to it. This is a bit more dire, though, hah. Thank you for the excellent point.

I have about the same amount of sobriety as you (late December). Way to go! Anyway, I view these situations like I view lifting weights (stay with me).

I started off weak with my sobriety, and most drinking-heavy events would have been too much of a lift and I would have dropped the weight. But every day I have gone without drinking, and every event I have attended without drinking, have made me gradually stronger. In fact, I recently lifted some heavier weights (visiting a good friend out of town, traveling for work, etc.); I'm really proud of that. And if I'm worried that an event might be a little heavy, I like having spotters just in case (telling close friends I might be seeing - in advance - about my recovery, calling my sponsor, going to a meeting, having an escape plan). I'm hopeful that my sobriety will eventually become a massive, hulking force. Even then, I expect there will be more days when I'm a little weaker than expected and need some help. Have I driven this analogy far enough into the ground yet?

Anyway, good luck to you! You'll be happy, proud, and stronger for it if you do this without drinking.

dpac- it just occurred to me to ask - when is the wedding? ie, how much lead time did you give us to make all these suggestions? ;)