Dpac, I've found that having a plan makes a big difference so you're on the right road there.

My own hint is that the moment you hit the venue, grab a big glass of soda water and keep it topped up. Half the battle is having a glass in your hand. I've used this many times and it's helped a lot.

There’s a line in a song that I really like.

“There’s a bathroom in a gas station/and I have locked myself in it to think”.

It sounds like you’ve been preparing. My advice to you is to go deep inside yourself, and really look. You want to stay sober at this wedding. You’ve told some people. You have a sober buddy. You have four months. You have an excuse. Make a plan to get out of the party periodically to keep yourself in check. Your sobriety is yours. Check in with you.

I’d also advise to say “I don’t drink”. No excuses. This kind of declaration, completely unapologetic, was ground breaking for me.

Stay close to us.

You’re worried you’ll get caught up in the moment. What happens when we aren’t drinking tho is we are in control of our moments. Get caught up in the love your sister is celebrating, the love you have for her, the rituals, etc, but don’t get caught up in the alcohol.

You may have to make a toast. Make sure you have something to toast with. Go to the staff of the party and tell them you aren’t drinking and as the maid of honor you will need them to make sure you have sparkling water in a toast glass. Etc, etc.

If you think this won’t work, be prepared to call it off.

Another thing may be to go to your oldest sister and tell her the truth, and ask for her help.

I think you can do it, do you?

Haha, I like the analogy though, Ringside, and of course you are right. I believe it was Mummyto2 who talked about treating the AV like a child and I feel this analogy is similar. Creating new behaviors in children (or anyone really) requires a firm, consistent stance. Same with lifting weights.

August - the wedding is this coming Saturday. We will be busy starting Friday afternoon, though, with a bridal party get together, the rehearsal, and then a dinner to cap off the evening. Maybe not too much time, but I'd been obsessing about it for months now because it was the one unavoidable event I needed to attend. It's also part of the reason I came back to post more regularly (and not sure why I wasn't here all along anyway, this place is amazing).

This is great, thank you. I do plan to drink soda water with a lime. It's my favorite NA drink and very refreshing and still hydrating. It's gonna be hot as heck in there and our dresses are long. One of my cousins is actually a recovering alcoholic but we've never really talked about it. I remember I couldn't really understand why it was ever a problem. Just stop drinking. Naive.

Yes, bexxed. I think I can do it. I will do it.

Now there's a potential "body guard" type person to seek out early on. A recovering alcoholic who understands your vulnerability at this stage might be a good bet to keep close at hand for the evening.

While I haven't interviewed every alcoholic I've ever met, I'm going to bet that almost all of the successful ones have been in your shoes at some point early in their recovery. I was there early on, and when I brought up my apprehension about it at a meeting, I was inundated with helpful advice. I remember thinking, "Hmmm; I guess we all have to get through one of these situations at some point in early recovery."

Maybe it was just the advice that resonated most with me, but I don't think so. What I recall was the tip about having the escape route seemed to have everyone in agreement. It was also something I hadn't really thought about, but I immediately recognized as something I had to fully internalize and commit to. The thing that surprised me at the meeting was how everyone could empathize with the situation, and they all knew about the escape plan.

At the event in question, it was a big confidence boost knowing I could leave if I had to. As it turned out, I didn't have to leave, but I felt empowered just knowing that I would if I needed to.

best wishes dpac - hope you have a plan going in :)

D

Keep checking in dpac and hope you have a great day x

Agree. I think sharing these concerns with the sisters is important. If your sisters are fully aware of your problem and are good people, they should at the very least be understanding if you need to disappear from the reception. No one can fault you for ducking out if you feel you need to and if they do.....

Hello everyone!

Wow, what a weekend. The wedding was beautiful and I cried a lot. It was perfect.

I ALSO DID NOT DRINK. Went to bed at 10:30 after the reception ended. Everything was so crazy and I was so emotionally exhausted and I think that helped with any urges I had.
I slept so much yesterday and today, so I apologize for not checking in until now.

Anyways, got one under my belt. I can file this as a win. Thank you to everyone who commented with advice, wisdom, and support. I couldn't have done it without you all. <3

I'm very pleased for you dpac :)

D

AWESOME! I am so glad you updated us so I saw this thread to check on you!

So proud of you.

And, since you were kind enough to say you like my straight forward approach, here's two things:
First, def file this as an "I did it- I CAN do this" thing.
AND - take extra care of yourself, your even-ness, your emotional sobriety, right NOW. Dee is the first I recall describing this where I read it on SR - and I have indeed heard it echoed by many others IRL: sometimes AFTER the successful sober outing is when we should be most careful and thoughtful.

Riding the high, so to speak, isn't a great idea - if sober living is the norm, then kinda like remembering a lovely event for the immediate days after then sort of moving on with life, like a "normal" person would do, is best for us too, if you follow me. Call it acceptance, or keeping up your guard, or ideally just continuing to live your good sober life, you're in today, this new week, and you're doing great.

Glad you are here!!

I don't know. You displayed a mountain of strength in my opinion. I may very well have opted out of such an event that early in sobriety, as I didn't yet have enough confidence. Maybe I could have done the same, but I don't know.

But coming through that drinking event was one of the biggest hurdles most of us face. You know now that you have an ocean of resolve and can continue on the journey. I like to know more about the reception, and what kinds of challenges you experienced, and how you dealt with them.

Whatever! You did it, and I AM IMPRESSED.

You posted this while I was composing my last reply, but I had the same thought you did while I was writing. So now I want to underscore what you said about riding the high.

First, the high is an emotion that can give us a false sense of security. We need to always keep track of the fact that alcoholics can't drink, and one of our biggest challenges is to learn to ignore our AV when it tells us we have demonstrated enough strength to afford us one little drink. This is a major relapse danger to keep track of.

Second, I was told one time that healthy living involves letting go of emotions, and that goes for the good ones too. That was years ago, and I still haven't fully internalized that one yet, because after all these years, I still love a good high, even if it doesn't involve alcohol, lol.

But I sense there is wisdom in that advice from long ago. Today, the best I can do is try to balance that pride in self with the knowledge that I'm still vulnerable to a lot of things that can sneak up and catch me unaware. For now I try to balance confident pride with vigilance and hope that will carry me through.

August and DriGuy, I 100% agree. I have also been advised by several AA members that days following an event like this can also compromise sobriety if you're not careful. I appreciate the comments and do not take this lightly. So far, I'm doing okay. I'm not as focused on the fact that I didn't drink as much as how much I enjoyed the wedding and seeing my sister so happy. So I dunno. I will proceed with caution.

The day of itself was a little tough, as there was champagne everywhere in the room where we were getting ready, but I made sure to have a coffee and plain orange juice around me, especially when we toasted. The reception was surprisingly easy, as I was so worked up over the speech that I didn't think about drinking during the beginning at all. And once dinner was over, we were dancing and I was sticking by my sober sister and her boyfriend. I didn't go over to the bar at all, since waiters were coming around and refilling water glasses. I was catching up with some family I haven't seen in a while as well, so a lot of the time was spent talking. I also made a point to check in with my friend who wasn't at the wedding at our specified time. After it was over, I went straight to my hotel room and went to sleep. The day was exhausting and all I wanted to do was get into the shower, wash my hair, and go to sleep.

I was planning on going to the meeting I dropped in on last week to let them know I did well. It was also the meeting I went to the very first time I went to any meeting, so I kind of feel a kinship with all of them. They gave me tons of good advice when I went last week and I am extremely grateful. I've always said that AAers are some of the kindest people I've ever met.

I'm so pleased for you, dpac. I think it's wonderful that you came here, expressed your concerns, listened to the (excellent) advice, and got through it sober. I got a big smile on my face when I read your update that you got through it. I remember how great I felt when I got through my first big social event sober, and realized I actually enjoyed it a lot MORE. That was a huge step for me, and I hope it is for you, too. Knowing that I could get through something sober that would have REQUIRED alcohol for me to have fun (or so I thought) was a revelation to me.

dpac, another cool thing about experiencing this first sober wedding is that you are getting experience doing things in sobriety that helps you figure out what sober you does like doing, and doesn't. I used to think I loved big parties and I'm quite adept at hosting as well as going to them, however, in sobriety I've realized that the whole belle of the ball thing isn't what I prefer to do at all.

It's cool to be able to see stuff clearly as we go about our lives engaging with the world in so many ways. And to know it's OK to make decisions based on our needs and preferences, not just bc we want to drink or because of what everyone (anyone) else is doing!

I'm really glad that things went well at the wedding. :)