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-   -   New guy here, today is day 45 for me. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/436518-new-guy-here-today-day-45-me.html)

Kaboom123 02-20-2019 07:16 AM

New guy here, today is day 45 for me.
 
Hello. My name is Trevor. I’m 37 years old and today is day number 45 without a drink. It has been close to 15 years since I could say that. I have lurked this site for quite some time but I decided today that I would join so that I could share my experiences with others and hopefully learn some things from everyone here as well. My drinking led to me losing the love of my life and two step children who I love with all my heart and consider my own. My drinking caused a lack of communication, lack of emotions and lack of intimacy in our relationship which ultimately led to its end. I’ve been absolutely devastated the last 45 days but surprisingly it has been much easier than I anticipated to not drink altho I have many “reasons” I would use to use to drink. The hope of getting my family back was the #1 reason for me to quit but then I quickly realized that if I wanted to keep living at all that this was my only option. The first week was a little tough. I’ve dealt with night terrors etc since I was a little kid and the drinking had never been any good for that and as most of you probably know you think drinking helps you sleep but in reality it does not. And quitting completely made me a bit of a mess for that first week. By the second week I was feeling amazing physically but struggling something fierce mentally and emotionally. It’s a very bizarre spot to feel terrible and amazing at the same time. Hard to explain. I thought things would just keep getting better and maybe they are but I can’t see it yet. I feel like things have plateaud so to speak but the depression and anxiety is getting worse day by day. I really don’t have the desire to drink but a few times I have had a couple NA beers while I watch tv or whatever and that kinda makes things feel “normal” again, it’s more the routine than anything I think. Maybe I’m wrong and I shouldn’t even be doing that, I don’t know. In the process of losing my family I also found myself with no place to live so I have been staying at my work, in my car or at a hotel once a week so I can shower. I love the clarity in my head but it’s also extremely scary at times. I feel like I’m starting to ramble on now but I look forward to meeting and interacting with people here.

Anna 02-20-2019 07:24 AM

Welcome, and congratulations on 45 days of sobriety.

I'm glad you're doing well physically. The mental and emotional part will come along and you will feel better.

lessgravity 02-20-2019 07:24 AM

Welcome man. Booze will take every single thing from us unless we find a way to shut it down for good.

​​​​​​Lots to learn on this site, which you may know already. It got me sober. You still have a long life ahead, time to make amends and right your ship.

I do not think NA beers have any place in you getting sober though I must say.

WhoDeyPI 02-20-2019 07:25 AM

Hey man, nothing wrong with rambling, I do it often on here. Congrats on your 45 days of sobriety. Over my 180 days of sobriety, I've consumed a total of 4 NA beers...2 during the Super Bowl, 2 while bowling with friends. I don't consider that breaking sobriety. Some may, but I don't. I believe your sobriety is YOUR sobriety, and only you define it.

I too lost the love of my life because of drinking, and almost lost my life in the process. I had feelings of depression and anxiety, but those have faded, and I believe they'll fade in your life as well. Stay strong, and I'm always here if you need to talk.

least 02-20-2019 07:28 AM

Welcome to the family! :) Congrats on your 45 days sober! :) You'll find lots of support here.

apollo986 02-20-2019 07:38 AM

Congrats on 45 days! That's quite an achievement. Stay the course! With a clear mind, you'll be able to deal with your other issues.

SIB 02-20-2019 07:42 AM

Congrats on 45 days, it may seem hard right now but I can promise you it gets better with time.

Endoftheday 02-20-2019 12:40 PM

Well done on 45 days , I'm on day 45 too :-)

PhoenixJ 02-20-2019 01:06 PM

Welcome Kab.

Life is a bit rough for yu oat the moment, but your words show you doing the right stuff. I need some sort of daily support- mostly SR, but also meetings. GP checkups and a psychoist to help with the mess in my head.

Support to you.

Doris47 02-20-2019 01:19 PM

Hi Trevor, welcome to SR , I'm early days as well, I can't begin to tell you how much this site has helped me 😃. I have gathered so much strength, hope an knowledge to keep pushing me on.
I wish you much love🙏💖
Keep posting, keep close, and remember your not alone.
Together we are strong

Highercall 02-20-2019 02:23 PM

Welcome to SR having NA beers is a lot better than drinking the real thing.

keep going things will get better.

Hevyn 02-20-2019 02:48 PM

Trevor - I'm so glad you decided to join us. We all understand the challenges you've faced. Be proud of those 45 sober days. You will rebuild your life, & thing will get easier.

Atlast9999 02-20-2019 03:09 PM

Welcome Trevor. 45 days is a great start. Keep going...it gets better.

Dee74 02-20-2019 03:12 PM

Hi and welcome Trevor - I'm glad you found us - congrats on 45 days.


I really don’t have the desire to drink but a few times I have had a couple NA beers while I watch tv or whatever and that kinda makes things feel “normal” again, it’s more the routine than anything I think. Maybe I’m wrong and I shouldn’t even be doing that, I don’t know.
It might work for some, for me it just made me miss the buzz even more- and it reinforced the idea that I 'should' be drinking when I was watching TV.

D

gettingsmarter 02-20-2019 04:19 PM

Welcome!

Zebra1275 02-20-2019 06:58 PM

Welcome!

Kaboom123 02-21-2019 05:39 PM

I appreciate the welcome messages from everyone. I’m in a really bad place and it seems to get worse every moment. It isn’t even about drinking. That’s not going to happen. In fact I’ve been out to bars more in the last 45 days than I have in a few years and there’s not even one part of me that has even wanted to drink. It’s the depression and loneliness that is destroying me now. I stopped the thing that was destroying my life only to have it get steadily worse. I’m so lost. I know I need to keep positive but I honestly don’t know how right now. Every minute feels like an eternity and it’s like my life is slipping away. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

Dee74 02-21-2019 06:13 PM

Don't start thinking this is the best it's going to get Kaboom:)

I had 20 years of brain pollution thanks to alcohol...that takes a little time to recover from..and going sober is a big cjange which might see our old way of socialising change completely...

depression and loneliness are pretty much a part of everyone early recovery experience but it gets better - the depression lifts and, as we build a sober life we love, so does the loneliness :)

My advice is find other places to be sober in - cafes, movies, walks, sports, picnics...hanging around in bars with drinkers is likely to just make you miserable.

D

gettingsmarter 02-22-2019 07:32 PM

Kaboom I had lots of ups and downs for awhile after I quit. Don't be afraid to talk to a doc if you keep feeling depressed. I am having to learn coping skills I failed to learn because of drinking .

bexxed 02-22-2019 10:13 PM

Welcome Trevor!

I’m glad you’re here and sorry things are hard right now. It’s not easy to get sober let alone while you’re homeless and heartbroken. This site as you know is an invaluable resource. It might be a good idea in your situation to seek out some support in real life, also... Getting your life together bit by bit is key to staying sober and well. Remember drinking doesn’t help anything but hurts more.

And we are all here, 24/7.

Kaboom123 02-23-2019 11:35 AM

I sincerely appreciate everyone’s kind words. It really means a lot. I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.

Dee74 02-23-2019 04:22 PM

Of course you can - don't listen to that voice that tells you you can't - thats your addiction.

Its telling you that it'll never get better and that what you're feelign now is sobriety - it's not. It does get better.

IU drank all day everyday for years.,, You better believe that my first 30 days was rough - but so was my all day drinking life. People told me to hang on cos it gets better and it did.

If you let go and go back to drinking now, you'll only have to hit this point again in the future. Stay with us. Post.

Tell is whats making it hard for you today Trevor - maybe we can help? :)

D

lessgravity 02-23-2019 04:38 PM

What Dee said. What up? Most of us have been there, and we are here now.

gettingsmarter 02-23-2019 07:16 PM

Don't give up. Going back to the very thing that caused all your trouble will not make anytjing better. 45ish days is great. Keep it up.

PennyLane76 02-23-2019 07:20 PM

Stick with it Trevor. 45 days is still early days and those are tough. Your brain chemicals are still messed up. What is worse is drinking and starting over again. Each withdrawal got worse and worse for me. Do whatever it takes, post on here constantly, go for a walk, read a book, eat a bite of something sweet (ice cream saved me!) , drink some water. AVRT method helped me also. All alcohol wants is to kill you, dont forget that. Hang in there.

Kaboom123 02-26-2019 06:03 PM

Day 51 today and I’m about as miserable as I’ve ever been in my life. And not even because I want to drink. I have zero desire to. I don’t even think about it anymore. But I am absolutely miserable. 🥺

least 02-26-2019 06:26 PM

I was miserable early in sobriety and it was suggested to me that I start practicing gratitude every day. It didn't solve all my problems but it did help my attitude. :) It made me happier too. :)

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

enginear26 02-26-2019 06:30 PM

Hi and Welcome Trevor :)

Perhaps there is a social service, not for profit or house of worship program or combination there of to gather enough to get new housing.

I can imagine what it feels like to lose one's family but to be homeless afterwards is understandably difficult beyond my comprehension.

I know every area is a bit different in regard to financial assistance but I hope you can find some help there to lift your spirits.

Congrats on your choices. Hang in there :)

Kaboom123 02-27-2019 09:03 AM

I see many others positing that this depression lasts months, into years before things get back to “normal”. No thank you. Not interested. Check please!

lessgravity 02-27-2019 09:08 AM


Originally Posted by Kaboom123 (Post 7133923)
I see many others positing that this depression lasts months, into years before things get back to “normal”. No thank you. Not interested. Check please!

It's not the case for everyone. I'm in month 10, once I got out of the muck, I've never felt better in my life.


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