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Congrats on your sober time! :scoregood I'm glad things have settled down for you. It gets better the longer you're sober. :hug: |
Originally Posted by Kaboom123
(Post 7130124)
I appreciate the welcome messages from everyone. I’m in a really bad place and it seems to get worse every moment. It isn’t even about drinking. That’s not going to happen. In fact I’ve been out to bars more in the last 45 days than I have in a few years and there’s not even one part of me that has even wanted to drink. It’s the depression and loneliness that is destroying me now. I stopped the thing that was destroying my life only to have it get steadily worse. I’m so lost. I know I need to keep positive but I honestly don’t know how right now. Every minute feels like an eternity and it’s like my life is slipping away. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. I totally, and on a deep level, relate to your story. I am 35 years old with 43 days of sobriety. I lost my career, my marriage to a wonderful man and a life that was comfortable and secure, in the financial sense. I was "happy" until I realized I had been dodging a demon for almost 17 years. I finally stepped away from my marriage, it was like I was in a different body, watching myself quit at the relationship. He also had checked out, so we remained friends and the ending was quick. But eventually painful. I was in complete denial until our would be year anniversary, and I realized that my drinking has contributed to the end of my marriage. I became so emotionally destroyed that I was afraid of myself. I knew that if I kept going I was going to die. I kept going, putting myself in worse and worse scenarios and getting hurt time and time again, ignoring family and friends and isolating for days at a time, thinking I was doing the family a "favor" by staying and using out of their sight, but it killed them. While I did not suffer consequences that I hear about like accidents, jail time, etc...I suffered severe mental and emotional consequences. So I get you. One hundred percent. You are NOT ALONE. The depression and anxiety may be something you need to see someone about. But you can also do some things on your own, like meditate and read/listen to books/podcasts on mindfulness. Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle have helped me immensely to stay in control of my thoughts. And please, please go to AA meetings. I started going my 3rd day sober and it changed my life. I have a network of people I can call, anytime, any place who understand me. We are also all here for you here in SR, keep logging on and checking in with your SR family. My sponsor said something I use all of the time, "Don't go into a bad neighborhood by yourself." That means that when you are feeling like the nerves and anxiety are getting to be too much, REACH OUT. To someone, anyone. We are all here, all times of the day and night to do this together. I'm here for you bud. Things will get better, perhaps the hard work needs to start being done. Some books: Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle (this book literally came into my life and saved me) The Surrender Expirement - Michael Singer A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle Goodnight, and remember to be gentle with yourself. You got this and you have the power, not depression, not anxiety and not fear...which is all this stems from anyways. Nic |
Thank you all for the kind words. I really wish I had more advice for people that were at the point I was early on. I really truly felt that there was no hope. But there always is. You just have to trust the people that tell you that things really do get better. You just have to dig really deep and find a way to keep pushing forward. I didn’t really reach out to many people and the few i did do not get the full story of what I was going through. So, it can be done on your own. Maybe not advisable but it’s possible. As of today, day 235, I’ve lost 70lbs and I’m off my blood pressure medication and feel great. I get a lot of people that tell me I lost too much too fast, but when you cut out laziness and thousands and thousands of garbage calories a week and replace it with a healthy diet and exercise that’s what happens. |
Great story. Thanks. Don’t worry in case you’re looking tired after that great weight loss. I lost 50lb quite quickly and was worried about loose skin around my neck, but this tightened up eventually. I might not always be as toned as I was, but without the booze I’ll never regain that weight. I still train and diet carefully though. well done again |
Yesterday was 9 months. Things are always getting better. Hang in there folks, if I can do it you can too! |
Congratulations Kaboom :) D |
10 months today since the decision that changed my life!!! |
Congrats on 10 months sober! :scoregood Keep going, it gets better. :hug: |
10 months!! That is fabulous, Kaboom. :) |
great stuff kaboom :) D |
Congratulations. |
It was uplifting to read your thread and see how far you’ve come- congratulations on both sobriety and weight loss! All those empty alcohol calories add up for sure! |
317 days today. I can say for the first time since day 1, drinking is on my mind. I feel like I have been pushed back towards the edge of the deep hole I came out of and I’m losing my balance. |
Still good after that one bad day. Didn’t drink. Won’t drink. Ever. 1 year mark is fast approaching. |
What an inspiring thread. Big congrats to you. |
What an amazing accomplishment kaboom, congratulations on your sober time. |
great stuff with your progress Kaboom :) D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 7130143)
Don't start thinking this is the best it's going to get Kaboom:) I had 20 years of brain pollution thanks to alcohol...that takes a little time to recover from..and going sober is a big cjange which might see our old way of socialising change completely... depression and loneliness are pretty much a part of everyone early recovery experience but it gets better - the depression lifts and, as we build a sober life we love, so does the loneliness :) My advice is find other places to be sober in - cafes, movies, walks, sports, picnics...hanging around in bars with drinkers is likely to just make you miserable. D |
I understand that that getting better is not your experience rharman, and I'm genuinely sorry that things have not improved for you. If you have pre existing chronic depression I absolutely agree that just not drinking may not be enough for said depression to lift. D |
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