Desperate to get dry...
 

... but terrified of the anxiety/insomnia I know I am prone to. I want to keep my job and home ideally as well (currently I'm off sick from work for mental health issues which is kind of true and kind of a half-truth). I feel so much weight on my shoulders right now. And I can hardly sleep with the sickness of (mostly booze-related) anxiety. Sorry for the negativity. It's just where I'm at right now.

Tetrax - you know the longer you put it off the more the anxiety and insomnia.
If quitting's really worrying you why not see a Dr?

D

My current doctor only sees patients 9-11am. My asleep time. And I'm too hungover in the afternoons to look into changing this. But my new plan is I've asked my mum to go stay with her in the countryside for a bit. And probably drive me to AA meetings.

If you're desperate to stop, I reckon you could make a 9-11am appointment - it's not that much of an ask.

Hope the mum thing works out tho :)


D

I know what you're saying but it's a whole lot easier said than done when you're up all night drinking and can only finally grasp even the concept of sleep around sunrise. And knowing you'd have to get on a bus for 20 minutes with normal people, without any sleep. And stinking of booze...

Hi Tetrax

Your anxiety etc will be a hundred times worse because of the alcohol, when you remove it and learn some coping skills it will be so much better. Get yourself up and go to the doctors, you will never see those people on the bus again, it doesn't matter what they think. The most important thing is getting some help and getting sober :)

I really hope it works out.

I know how you are feeling. I am only 17 days sober so I was in your position a couple weeks ago. I didn't sleep for the first 5 days at all. The anxiety was too intense. I didn't leave the house for days. But I knew what to expect and just went for it. Use your time off work to detox yourself. It's hard, I know, but you have to sober up sometime, right?

Canuck, I have to say, I like your style. I think you were the one who told me to 'bite the bullet' a few days ago. It's so true. And just good to hear that you can survive a few nights of anxiety and zero sleep. I know I've gotta do it and I'm just procrastinating. What else is there to say?

What else is there to say?

I'd add one thing: in your title, you say you are desperate to stop- but in your posts you make excuses why you can't.

You have to match up no drinking with actions to support that.

Up to you.

We have free health care here in the UK. It is a blessing especially when I read posts from our friends in the US who do not have free health care.

Please use the facility and see your doc to save your life. Seriously, if you don't it won't be long before you lose your job and your home and possibly your life.

I bet the voice inside telling you that you are not really unwell is wrong. I have been there. Reached breaking point with stress, went off sick from work and was extremely anxious and very distorted in my thinking, but convinced that I wasn't really ill and that I would be 'found out' and punished for bunking off.

It wasn't true. Everyone could see that I was unwell.

You need this time. Use it well. You can do this.

Cmon man - that defence might work with some people, but it's not gonna fly with many of us here.

If I needed a beer I didn't care how tired I was or what I smelt like.
I got the bus - and I did just that - many times.

It's not a valid excuse for not seeing a Dr, especially as you've said you're desperate to stop.

It's a classic alcoholics loop - I can't stop drinking cos I'm scared of withdrawal but I can't see a doctor about help for withdrawal cos it'll interfere with my drinking the night before.

result - you keep drinking....

It's gonna hurt to stop Tetrax - but it'll hurt more and more the longer you keep putting it off.

D

Quitting drinking is not a free ride. If you are in great fear of going to the doctor there are things you can do to ease that feeling. You need to not drink the night before which means having to deal with the insomnia and stress, but that is the deal. Somebody in AA or another meeting will probably agree to go with you to the doctor's office if you put that out there, so you will not be alone and you'll have somebody to help you see it through and to provide assurance that it's going to be okay. Your only requirement is to be present for a while. I have no idea what the doctor will say or do for you, but neither do any of us (nor you) until you go. I would attend a meeting after the appointment if possible to help you not to drink and go home for some sleep. If you are off work for a period this is when you should be using that time to care for yourself instead of drinking.

Its been said many times, but eventually we need to stop digging. Sounds like you are in deep. Medical detox an option? Sleep eludes us during withdrawals, anxiety is horrible. Wish you the best.

The insomnia was my biggest fear of getting sober. I know how miserable it feels, and it made me want to just take a few shots right before bed to knock myself out. You'll have sleepless nights, and they will be awful, but then you'll find yourself sleeping better than ever. Dreams are one big adventure now. You'll get there!

here's the thing Tetrax....
Insomnia is not fatal.
Drinking most certain can be.

The initial anxiety/insomnia associated with withdrawals is nothing short of terrifying.

But you can post here as you go through it.

You can binge watch a show.

You can see a doctor or detox clinic for others ways to responsibly ease your anxiety/sleep deprivation.

Either way, you can do it -- and it'll all be for the better. You can do it :).

I don't envy anyone who has to go through withdrawals, but it's so worth it when you come out the other end of that tunnel.

You either want to get sober or you don't. If you truly want to get sober you'll do whatever it takes. If you don't really want to get sober, you'll keep making excuses as to why you can't. :(

Here's what you have to do Tetrax. Go a day without booze and stay awake the whole night if you cannot sleep. Having stayed awake for a night continue to stay awake during the following daytime and i'm certain you will fall asleep in no time the following evening and you will avoid the booze cravings on doing so.

Ater that, force yourself to get up early and be active, it really will help you sleep at night and help you overcome the cravings.

It's not a particularly sophisticated method but it really helped me who like you was afraid to be sober and awake at night.

Good luck!

Hi Tetrax.. I too am off work with stress at the moment and have used the time to detox. Very twitchy & anxious for the first 2 weeks , after having drank every night for probably the last 20 years. . Just think, at least you don't have to go to work at the moment with that added stress, & having to pretend you're ok. Staying with your mother might be good idea if it takes you away from the surroundings & other things that you associate with drinking. Good luck 😊

When I was in my final binge when I needed to go the doctor (several trips to my primary care and one to the psychiatrist....who said in no uncertain terms that I needed medical detox or I might die), I would drink nearly two bottles of wine, try not to throw it up in the Uber, and hope that it lasted long enough that the shakes and vomiting wouldn't start until I got home, then chug a bottle and try to hold it down long enough to stop the shaking which by this point was becoming violent.

I got it done.

BTW, medical detox takes care of most of the anxiety and insomnia because they give you a benzo taper.

It can be done.

Tetrax- what's going on now? I see you liked a number of folks comments since you started the thread but haven't piped up again. We care and are trying to help - let us know where you are (even if you know it's not what we're going to support).

Reading this brings back bad memories of alcohol induced anxiety during withdrawals. Waking up at 3am in a blind panic, feeling like I was losing my mind. It's terrifying.

You know what I did? I woke up one morning and arranged an appointment with my Doctor, I told them it was an emergency. I had drunk about two bottles of wine between me waking up at about 5am and about 9am when I went to the Doctor. I took some more wine with me in a water bottle, and drank it in the Uber on the way to the Doctors. Pathetic I know, but I did what I had to to allow me to make it over to the doctors.

Well, I did the whole night of withdrawal (Wednesday night). My hands were shaking, my arms intermittently. I had hallucinations in the dark of spider plants attacking me, furniture I tripped over that wasn't even there. And finally slept. At about 7am. Then I spent yesterday napping here and there and started to feel good. Then as I was preparing to go to bed tonight my housemates arrived from their bar jobs at around midnight being loud as anything and I was just like, 'I can't get sober in this damn house!' I had a glass of wine and now I'm on my fifth. Large. Sorry all.

No need to apologise to me. You're not doing any different than I did for years.

So...how do you see yourself quitting now?
what is it you think you need to make that happen Tetrax?

Is the moms place ideas still tenable?
D

Quitting is hard, staying quit is even harder. Being around others that are drinking does not help, but that in itself doesn't make it impossible.

Having said that, if you are truly serious about quitting you have to either quit using your surroundings as an excuse to drink, or change your surroundings.

You either want to stay sober or you don't. Stop making excuses.

I like what someone said about getting sober....”it’s not a free ride”. Drinking comes at a much higher cost and you already know that. Pay up now or pay more later. There’s no waiting for the right time because there will be no better time than now

Wishing you the best

Woke up at 9pm today. PM! This is getting insane.