Heart stress test tomorrow. Drank today and can't go to AA
 

I am undergoing a heart stress test early tomorrow where they give you drugs to try and get your heart rate up high and then look for blockages. Stupidly I drank on payday again and then it flowed into today. I am under the limit but can't go to AA and admit I have been drinking all day plus people will smell it. Why didn't I just give up this morning? Once I have one drink I can't stop. So I have to miss the meeting.

There is no law which says you can't go to AA if you've had a drink.

I think you know having that one drink is too much. It's the same every payday. It's been said before but when we keep doing the same things we need to do something different in order to recover.

I get it. I'm only on day 5 but I'm not kidding myself and making excuses. I drank over Christmas because I wanted to. I can get 5/6 weeks then pick up again. I need to do something different if I want to stop. OR I ask myself maybe I just want to keep drinking occasionally more than I want to be sober?

Maybe ask yourself the same question. We are never going to get sober until and unless we want to be sober more than anything and are prepared to do anything to do it-not wishes/luck/willpower/ not drinking just cos we've no money. It has to be a proper commitment with action.

wishing you the best

You hit the nail on the head RAL. I choose to drink everytime and itsi usually a split second decision. They said at AA you have to want sobriety more than anything in the world or it won't happen. You will miss the boat. I don't even do morning devotions. As for payday it's like I am secretly counting down the days. One good thing is that I am out of money already. I can't live on bread and butter again. I hope that I don't spend the food money again what's left of it.

I would still go to a meeting tonight if you can - like RAL said there is no requirement for you to be sober - only that you want to stop drinking :)

Try not to worry about the heart stress test - there's nothing you can do about the result - you will either pass - which is good - or they will find a problem - which is also good cos then they can fix it :)

I understand the fear but drinking is simply going to leave you feeling weak and depleted tomorrow.

Maybe watch a funny comedy instead -lots of stuff available Free on I view, SBS on Demand, or any of the commercial stations.

d

Detox/rehab still not an option?

Edit: Your "secret count down to payday"....isn't a secret..pretty sure every one here, that knows your struggle to get sober, knows your 'cycle'..and we're online strangers. Just saying.. The only person you 'think' you're fooling is yourself..

Thanks Dee for your encouragement. I will have my last drink now and stop for the night.

Sweeti - what happened to you messaging or emailing me before you drink?
You have to stop this insanity.
Close to giving up on you to be honest and I really don't want to do that.
Stop bloody drinking !
K x

Don't give up on me. It was a split second decision on driving past the pub yesterday and today. Yesterday was meant to be two drinks. I drank cans of vodka instead of red wine. Two turned iint 12. Today I set myself off early by drinking a leftover can. Tomorrow I will come home and just rest after the test. I will stop driving past there the pub that is. Your friend ship means a lot to me

Out of concern all I can suggest is …..

Placing yourself in a controlled environment,
a hospital, rehab facility where others will take
care of you and most of all, a place that has no
alcohol.

Out of concern for my own well being, my
family had me placed in a rehab facility via
a court order because I was mentally unstable
due to my alcohol addiction.

Being in the hands of others to care for me
while detoxing was the best place for me to
be. Because I was a threat to myself, I had
to be evaluated and taught about what
alcohol addiction was doing to my mind
and body.

Right now, you are incapable of caring
for yourself. You've tried and that's okay
because there are countless other folks
who have tried too and have failed many
times until they place themselves into
the hands of those capable of helping
us be free of our addiction.

No more fighting this …...

Can family get a court order to get you into
proper care?

This by no means that you are a failure, because
you are not. You are sick and the best place to
be when we are sick and incapable of caring
for ourselves is in the hospital.

When a pet is sick we take them in to our
vet and place our furry friends into their
hands for medical care.

When an elderly person, family member is
not capable of caring for themselves, we place
them into the care of those capable of giving
them the care and supervision needed for
them to survive.

I dont doubt that you are a loving, caring
person and no one here wishes anything
bad to happen to you.

Alcohol is killing one of our dear SR members
and many of us cant physically help you. This
is what you need desperately. There's got to
be someone near you that can take you to
the hospital for an extended stay to give you
life again.

We all here in SR love and care about you
more than you realize. All we can do is type
what we want or wish you could do to save
you. Someone on your end has got to care
about you to help you get this help you so
desperately deserve.

Call the authorities and tell them you are
dying from alcohol addiction. Please.

We care. I care what happens to you.

Sweeti, it's AA. It's where hopeless alcoholics go. If you can't go to AA, where can you go? You're an alcoholic and you need help. I've been to AA meetings where people were sleeping it off in the back row. I've been to AA meetings myself still slightly drunk. If people have a problem with that, then so be it. They should be thankful they're sober. In my experience, people who are drunk are welcome, but asked to not share. Usually people will be happy to take them aside and talk one to one. (In my experience, of course. AA meetings can vary wildly depending on the location.)

I had a slightly different experience with "wanting to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk." My feelings on that subject varied enormously. I really wanted to drink and I really wanted to be sober. It was both at the same time. I hated drinking and I hated not drinking. I was utterly miserable, caught between two horrible places. I didn't want to keep drinking, but I also hated my life when I was between drinks. (I thought that the days between drinks was being sober; I was wrong. I had to have a complete mental/spiritual overhaul before I was truly sober. But don't worry about that right now. That will come eventually.)

It didn't matter what I thought. My addiction was in control of my mind. What matter was how I acted. My thoughts eventually came around. We can't think our way out of addiction and we can't magically wish ourselves to be sober. We have to actively pursue sobriety--no matter what our heads think.

Even if you know you're going to drink, try calling or texting someone. Try posting here. Try going to a meeting. You'd be surprised how small actions can add up. The way you act can change how you feel.

I'd recommend finding a person you can call/text/email/message every day. Get in the habit, then when you have those split second decisions, you might find you can call someone before drinking. It might feel like a split second, but it's more than likely been building up inside of you for a while. It's pay day, so more than likely your addiction was already planning the drink. Just a thought from my experience, because I did the same thing.

Doing the steps with a sponsor helped lift the mental obsession; I was someone who scoffed at the idea, but I got desperate enough to try it.

But there are plenty of ways to get sober. The one thing you have to do is stop drinking, though.

I had some people give up on me, so I know what it's like to feel hopeless.

But you're not. I just want you to know a lot of people, myself included, are hoping you'll come out of this.

Sending you a million good thoughts. :)

We are worried--you body systems are beginning to shut down and be destroyed by the alcohol sweeti--and when the liver failure gets worse, your mental capacity will get really distorted and confused, which will make it very hard for you to make good decisions for yourself.

You know this as well as we do, but because you are in the situation and allowing impulse to rule, it is hard to keep in focus.

Your car, your house will mean nothing if you spiral down into drinking as so many have.

Look up--look ahead--and please take some drastic action before it is too late.

You have friends here, and a real friend tells the truth, not just what you want to hear.

I was setting up for a meeting last night and a fellow came in who had been drinking. Happens all the time. We just invite them to stay and check things out. Like the other poster said, if you can't go to AA, where can you go?

Hi Sweeti,

I hope the test went okay. I really think finding a way to get into a rehab is necessary at this point. You haven't been able to do this on your own.

This might be a good link to take a look at again.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html

The test is in 2 hours. I will let you know the results.

My nerves are on a raw edge. I will make this day one again and try to get to a meeting tonight. It's alcohol that has caused the chest pain in the first place.. I ts embarrassing turning up with the shakes. But I brought it all on myself.

all the best today sweetichick :)

D

.

Good Luck with the test x