I came close, but lost the battle. The worst has happened.
 

I tried and tried to put away the alcohol, I came close and did well a few times. Recently I was doing pretty well, but went on a two day binge.
The worst of the worst happened, I hit someone and have been charged with Felony DUI with severe bodily harm.

A third degree felony and I am looking at a minimum four years in prison and total financial collapse. Three years of suspended license after I am released from prison. Lawyers fees, court costs, fines and civil lawsuits are going to take everything I have. I will be homeless and probably end up back in prison.

I am (was) a professional, this isn't me. I can't believe this has happend. I am still in total shock. The arrest warrant should be out soon.

I have never felt such total and complete despair.

What about the person you hit, what condition are they in.

I have been trying to find out. I can't find any information on their condition. That is the worst part about all of this. I have begged God again and again for help and strength and guidance. I have been doing this for years. If this is a sign from God, why did an innocent person have to get hurt. I am still trying to cope with all of this.
I don't know their condition, but I had a larger vehicle and I have two cracked bones in my neck and some pretty severe bruising and soreness. If they are any where near what I have, or worse, I will be in prison even longer.

Welcome back, and I'm sorry that this happened to you. Hopefully the person you hit will be okay? I think you will be able to deal with the situation in the best way if you are sober. Do you have a lawyer to help you through the process?

Horrible. I hope everyone involved is ok.

I will never touch alcohol again, but why did it have to come to this? I entered an outpatient substance abuse program just down the road from my house. Never saw it before, even though I have searched again and again for something just like that. It would have been perfect for me. Why couldn't I find it before this? Why suddenly after this, did God put it right in front of my eyes? I would have gladly entered this program, I wanted help, I was trying...
I have never felt such panic. I am going to lose everything I own. At this point the program doesn't matter much because prison is going to keep me from alcohol.

I'm not sure if you've tried AA, but that's always an option that's available everywhere.

Welcome back rich. Very sorry to hear this, it's a sad situation for everyone involved and I wish for healing for you all from your injuries.

You will obviously need legal help, and I'm glad you are seeking help through prayer for yourself and everyone else affected.

I think the real question you need to ask yourself though is if you are now ready to take responsibility for your drinking.

I offer prayers and support and encourage you to keep posting. Obviously booze would only make this stuff worse. The damage can stop now. Perhaps go to meetings- lots. Apart from the practical support- it will look good to the authorities if you are taking proactive steps to remain sober.

I have tried it several times and it wasn't working for me. All of the freedom I knew is gone.

Scott, I have always taken responsibility from my drinking, I wasn't in denial, I knew I had a problem.

I knew these things and still took huge risks by driving. I don't know why I did it, and now the life I have known is gone forever.

I don't know what to say, I am still in shock.

You know what I’d do if I were you?

I’d stop asking why and start deciding what next.

What happened is terrible. Now you can begin to do the next right thing and start making your long amends by embracing sobriety, owning your situation, paying your price and rebuilding your life..... and maybe one day in some way making amends to the person you’ve hurt.

Why why why.....

Because you’re an alcoholic.

There is your why.

The future still lies ahead for you and your life isn’t over.

In fact, if you choose it, this is just the beginning.

I understand you are in a very stressful situation right now Rich. What you need to remember is that this didn't just "happen" to you. And what has transpired is not something you can change. As you say, one of the worst things that could possibly happen has happened - but you are still here.

What worked or didn't work in the past is kind of irrelevant now - you need to seek help from wherever you can to get alcohol out of your life. And you have to want it to be out of your life forever - all of your problems are because of your choice to keep drinking. Making the choice to maintain absolute sobriety is the only thing you should really be focusing on at this point.

FreeOwl, you are right, but I am in shock. This just happened, I am still trying to grasp what all is happening and I am afraid.
The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt someone, but alcohol dulled my decision making. It is all my fault.

How about saying this:

I will never drink alcohol again, and I will do anything in my power to make sure that i don't.

That would be a great start.

Scott, if this doesn't wake me up, then nothing will. I just wish an innocent person or persons didn't have to get hurt for me to get this message.

Failure is a bruise - not a tattoo - well done for posting - you have it in you to recover and you'll do it ;)

Unfortunately a lot of bad things happen when we drink that we wish didn't happen. But they did happen. Your ability to deal with the consequences is going to be directly related to your ability to accept your addiction and do something about it. You have been sober before and know that it's possible - so getting back there is possible too.

It might be a new beginning, but I am 59 years old, and was doing ok for retirement.
No more, I am going to be wiped out, and probably lose my home.
I will never get another job in IT as long as I live.
This will destroy my Social Security, because I will be making 0.00 for the four years.

And please remember the person you injured whose life may be changed too. Focus on sobriety and you will be okay.

When did the accident actually happen?

Are you in the hospital?

How do you not know about what happened to the person you hit with your car?

Legal advice is what you need at much as anything.