My goal is 30 days sober. Then I don’t know.
 

I know this won’t be popular here but it’s the only way I can keep myself motivated and we are all different. I know that is a short enough time for me to accomplish this. I wasn’t always this bad off with my drinking. I used to go out a few times a week and have a few glasses of wine. What if I find that after a month I’ve somehow “reset” and with how good I’ll look and feel I will either not want to drink at all or maybe I’ll find I can get back to self moderation. Does anyone here believe that is possible?

I still need the support even if my goal is controversy. It’s a plan I know I can stick to. You know how some people do Dry July or Sober October? I just want my own month of sobriety and then I’ll see if I can go back to how I once was at times in my life when I wasn’t involved with alcoholic men who encouraged and enabled me to drink.

If I can get through a month I will feel SO proud of myself, maybe that boost in confidence will be all I need to stop using alcohol as a means of dealing with my lifelong shame issues. Btw I am in therapy, she’s gone for a month though. This place is going to be my rock. I don’t have any family or close friends, I have a few but they are pretty busy and not always available. I did go to AA the other day. I’m not sure it’s for me. Everyone was so nice though.

I started by thinking I was going to detox and then go back to 'normal' drinking. Then it went to going to rehab and take a month off from drinking. Then I arbitrarily said 3 months, then 6 months. By the time I left rehab, I realized that I could never drink again.

What are you going to do in those 30 days to continue your sobriety? What's your recovery plan?

Do you want to live a sober life?

What if I find that after a month I’ve somehow “reset” and with how good I’ll look and feel I will either not want to drink at all or maybe I’ll find I can get back to self moderation.

and what if you end up worse than you were? what if self moderation takes you to the grave or worse- ya end up hurting someone else when youre drunk? what if ya end up killing someone?

i had a lot of self hatred, insecurities, and fears when i was drinking. had em early in recovery,too. i happened to find a program that helped me face em all and be rid of them. that was the program of AA.

Well all I have to do is look in the mirror at the 20 lbs of alcohol weight I gained, my wardrobe that no longer fits, the energy I never have, the money I’ve spent on alcohol, among other things. I have Naltrexone which works for me, I have to take a lower dose because of nausea but it works. I guess you could say I’m just very motivated this time. Workouts will become a daily part of my life. Reading books, reading SR, eating well again, practicing love for myself and others. I’m at the point of disgust. I detoxed in the ER for three hours then they sent me home to finish it with Librium. At some point we have to get our strength within ourselves even though suppprt is so very important. That’s what I’m here on this forum right now.

After 30 days I really don’t know. My psychological and spiritual journey will never end so I can’t say if I wouldn’t slowly start using it as a crutch again, however, I know I have been able to stop at two drinks in the past. The only way for me to know is to try. I do feel very confident that I will never go back to where I was three days ago. But I just don’t know. Psychologically it’s so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again. I hope people understand where I’m coming from. I’m ready for this particular challenge. I can’t say never again for life.

But I just don’t know. Psychologically it’s so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again.

How about replacing the "never again" with "just for today'? It's a lot easier to be sober in 24 hour chunks than it is to say a month, a year, the rest of my life, etc.
I have 43 months sober. I never looked out and said I'm not gonna drink for three and a half years. I just say I'm not going to drink today. And I do it every day. You'd be surprised how one little thing can take the psychological pressure off.

Once you've crossed the line to alcoholic drinking, no length of sober time is going to 'reset' you back to normal drinking. You may manage it for a while, but will likely end up drinking too much again.

For me, it was easier to quit altogether than to try to moderate.

The overwhelming evidence suggests that you would literally be the "needle in the haystack" should this happen. It's the ultimate pipe dream, to somehow moderate once again. I've been around SR for about 6 years now and I can truthfully say that I've never once heard of someone who was drinking alcoholically be able to return to "normal" drinking. There are literally multiple stories here every single day where the phrase "I thought i could just have a couple" is somewhere in the story, and every single time they were wrong.

I understand what you are struggling with, but your quoted statement above is pure folly - a direct quote from your addiction nonetheless.

Very interesting post.

Negatives.
Gained 20lbs.
Wardrobe doesnt fit anymore.
Money spent on alcohol
No energy
No money
Detox in hospital, medication on discharge to cope with remaining detox.
Alcohol is a crutch.

Used to be able to stop at 2 or 3 drinks but now drinks to the point of needing hospital detox.

Ok i dont see any positives with your drinking. Its easy to see that your drinking has progressed into an unmanageable place. It will continue.

A person without a drink problem doesnt even think about a site like this. They never even contemplate it. They most certainly are never admitted to hospital for a detox. They dont place themselves in a situation where they have to control their drinking for a determined period and are starting that thought process with when they will recommence drinking and their desire to drink will be reset.

Moderation/self moderation is like asking Father Christmas for a unicorn. It doesnt exist.

Im not in any way having a go. I negotiated with my AV for years. I'll only drink on Friday/Saturdays, only 1 bottle, blah blah blah. Its all bollocks. So i say all of the above because the sooner you get a plan, give up the booze and hop on board the sober bus the sooner you will start to make a huge list of positives about why you dont drink and why, moreover, never again is the best thing thats ever happened. So i wish you all the best. Love light and peace. Xx

please remember, your drinking landed you in the ER a few days ago. you've passed the point of normal drinking. and there is no going back to it. there just isn't.

sure maybe there have been times where at a single drinking session you only had two. but what about 3 hours later? 3 days later?

i commend you for wanting to have a goal. and if 30 days works for you and helps you NOT drink, then go for it. but please do not hold any ill conceived notion that somehow in 30 days your body will change, and your allergy to alcohol will somehow resolve. you'll still be a person for whom alcohol is deadly, you'll also be a person with a great start to a fabulous life free of something that wants to kill you.

Have you read the book “A Happier Hour” by Rebecca Welles? It is her memoir regarding becoming sober. At first, she planned a 30-day alcohol free experiment and then just kept going. She documents it all in her book. She also had a website called sexysobriety.com where you can read more about her journey. Her book was the final push I needed to give up drinking for good.

If you look at your life and alcohol, the data suggests that if you drink, eventually you will be unable to control it and there will be consequences.

Odds are overwhelming that your next sip will end up up back where you started.

You've listed the cons of drinking. What are the pros? What is your reason for taking that sip?

Its a mindset on whether or not you truly want to achieve sobriety. If breaking it down to 30 days helps, I say go for it. But if you plan to celebrate at 30 days and drinking your brains out, then its pointless.

I made staying sober the most important thing in my life for a few months and then the grip kind of let go. At 49 years old I set a goal of remaining sober until I'm 60 and then I'll reevaluate. Sounds silly, but that's my goal.

There's no such thing as moderation.

Those who need to moderate can't, those who can moderate don't need to.

Thank you, I read all your posts and they all resonated with me. I guess since it’s just day 3 I’m negotiating with myself, and I’ve been unhappy my whole life so maybe I’m afraid of what happiness might feel like or that I’ll find out I just can’t be happy and say **** it, I might as well drink again. I don’t know what I’m really feeling.

What do I hope to get out of drinking again if I do? I think maybe feeling comfortable in my own skin because I don’t know how to do that without alcohol. I picture myself having just a few, enough to loosen up and be relaxed and charming or whatever. But more times than not I went overboard and wasn’t very relaxed or charming. I just don’t know how to be me without it. It’s been part of who I am since I was about 25 and began drinking gin every night after work to escape my abusive boyfriend I lived with. Those first few drinks, that warm rush from my head to my toes, that sense that the booze was saying “he may be abusive but I’ll be here for you, every night after work” and ever since then i made it a big part of my life. I feel pretty empty right now. Yesterday I was on a high but now I just feel low. I’m grateful for SR. I have a feeling i will be utilizing all the great advice and support here often in my future. I sure hope so. My life isn’t working and it hasn’t for years. I know drinking has been a huge part of that.

Just now I had an impulse to go buy a little vodka. But thanks to this forum I think I’m just going to go buy a chocolate bar instead. Or a coke. Last night I bought a non alcohol beer. I’m eating and drinking a lot but I bet I’ll still lose weight. I was drinking easily 1000 calories a day in booze. My now EX will have to face seeing me healthy, trim and sober while he continues to hurt people and gain enormous weight and pass out in people’s yards, which he did so last month and the homeowner called the police. I don’t want to be like him, I want to be the opposite of him. And I’m scared if I can stay sober forever but I will try the one day at a time. My doctor warned me there may be setbacks but the important thing is I get back on track. Thank you.

I think this is an interesting post and I also have seen a lot of interesting replies.

I have been there. Boy did I give a try.... okay, more like a 1000 tries. I am a binge drinker. And I know your feeling, I really do. Probably most of us do.

I refused for so long to believe I could not even handle one drink. Well, as it turns out, I can't.

These are my two cents:

1. Some people may get intoxicated and end up in the hospital from a binge.. sure, why not, could happen. However, all those changes you have mentioned just imply one thing "alcohol have changed your life", and apparently, not for good.

2. I have a lot of sober friends. Mark my words, no one gets into a forum or goes to AA by coincidence.

You can accomplish your goal. Hey, I can accomplish your goal. Matter fact, there's people that have gone 15 years straight. And they drink. The odds? They don't go back to normal.

By the way, you will avoid a lot, a lot of pain.

Hey, Truthseeker. This is the truth for me: moderation is impossible. I have no 'off'switch when it comes to booze. I believe that once you've had to go to the ER because of drinking it is too late to drink in moderation again. For me it's too difficult to negotiate with myself--when will I drink? What will I drink? How much? It's easier just to be sober and enjoy my improved body image, my positive mental outlook, the renewed respect from my friends and family and the pride I feel as someone no longer enslaved to drink.
Perhaps you will be the one who can moderate--I think going for 30 days is an excellent start if you just can't see yourself quitting for good. I hope once you see the improvements in your life after a month (and you will see them) you will continue down the sober path. A lot of improvement takes longer than a month, though. It's took me several months to begin to feel really good and steady. I'm at 2 years 7 months now and have no desire to return to the horror of my previous life--this new one suits me far better. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.

I'm glad you're on Day 3!

My belief is that stopping drinking, as you are, is the beginning. But, it's not going to fix things in your life and make you happy. That's what recovery is about. I think if you plan to stop for 30 days, you may be holding you breath until day 31 so you can have a drink again. In my opinion, it would be better if, during those 30 days, you began to make changes in your life that would bring peace and joy to you.

You know we're here for you.

Well I can't convince you to quit full stop if you aren't ready. Your post reads to me like your addiction is doing the talking.

Your thread posted a few days ago talked about your kids recording you while drunk. You said you have been an alcoholic a long time, and its getting worse, as it does. I'm paraphrasing but those were your words....that was the truth, I believe.

I have been sober this time like 15 months ish. I spent 4 hours talking with my 17 year old .....just all kinds of stuff. But she spoke a lot about the chaos my addiction has caused her. I am a bender drinker, sober for months, even years, and then wham! All hell breaks loose. It's awful. Sometimes 3 times a year which is horrible. I am insane. And it doesn't matter how great a mom I am when I'm sober, I have ****** her up. No doubt. It is absolutely devastating and I have to face that fact. I try to tell myself 'hey straight A student, college bound, national honors society, ambassador Girl Scout, debate team'. But inside she is a frightened insecure little girl that doesn't ever really know if mom is going to dive off the deep end again. And that is terrible. I'm gutted today, quite frankly, but so grateful I could sit there, not be self absorbed, thinking about how hard this is on ME. but able to see in bright vivid and gut wrenching detail the damage that I have done.

What if you were to ask your kids what they thought of your plan? Not that you should, but if you were to put yourself in their shoes? And the alcoholic boyfriend? Respectfully, you are choosing to keep him around. Cut him lose now if you're serious about not being enabled.

I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but that was a punch to the gut. Thank you for sharing.

Well, that's twenty five years you were someone without alcohol.

I think most of us hoped that a little time off would be enough to reset our relationship with alcohol, but alas for me it was not to be.

Don't confuse abstinence for control.

I think alcoholism is progressive and even if you were once a normal drinker, you're not now...

Sorry if this reads harshly but honestly truthseeker - normal drinkers don't usually find themselves in the ER...and then start bargaining ways to drink three or four days later.

I have very much thought about the effects of this on my kids. They too are great kids and I’m very blessed, straight A students, very wise for their age, funny, but my 11 year old is really controlling of her surroundings and it concerns me that it’s my fault. That she feels it’s the only thing she can control. Luckily the worst of my drinking has been done when they’re with their dad on weekends or late at night when they’re asleep. But it doesn’t matter because I still live like and behave like an alcoholic and they sense I’m out of control even if they don’t see me drunk. It makes me very sad. Like someone else here said, I’ve tried to quit for them but that wasn’t even enough. My health scares weren’t even enough until finally this last time around when I went to the ER. My mom died a long slow death from dementia. She got it around she 54 and died at 64. I’m 44, no doubt I have damaged my brain. I never ever want to get Alzheimer’s or put my kids through that, it was utter hell on us all.

I read today that the damaged parts of your brain have a burst in cell regeneration one week after abstaining from alcohol and then another big burst of regeneration right before the end of the first month and then it just keeps healing and regenerating. That gave me a lot of encouragement. Yes my AV is trying to bargain but I’m only Day 3, won’t it lose power as each day goes by? It will never go away I know that, but it won’t be so strong. I’m definitely depressed right now, and scared as hell, but when I think about alcohol and what it REALLY does to us and not the lies, I’m grossed out.

I’m losing the “boyfriend”, I’ve already texted him about my ordeal and he really has no response. Just the typical “I can’t be confronted with emotions. I have two things right now, my job and the bar. I’ll be in the moment with you if you’re here but otherwise you don’t really exist and I don’t know how to care. But do you need some wine, a pizza?” It’s just incredible. He’s a gentle soul but so toxic to me. It hurt so much for my pain to be blown off like that. Hence the really strong desire to drink right now. But I’m going to sit here with this pain and not fight it. It’s all we can do.

If taking a 30 day break was enough for most folks to 'reset' back to their previous tolerance, rehabs and AA wouldn't exist. I sincerely hope that it works for you, but since you've been part of SR for three years it might be worth considering what your plan B is if you find that you cannot moderate. As they say, "nothing changes if nothing changes."

You are right. I’m just scared. Scared of failure. What I’m doing is just hoping that after those 30 days I’ll realize I don’t miss it at all and don’t want it. I know that’s unrealistical. I guess I need to take one day at a time more realistically. Right now I’m literally taking one hour at a time. I just realized I have to get on my bicycle and go for a ride, that’s one more weapon I have to pull out today. I did AA, I read a lot on here, I kept busy with work, I ate well, and I’m still hurting enough to feel tempted. So I’m going on my bike now. Anything to take my mind off the booze. Is Day 3/4 the hardest or something? I remember getting past a week and feeling like it all started getting easier but I don’t remember quitting ever being this hard the times that I did.

How about just get to the 30 . Then come back here and tell us about it. In the meantime, keep a list of all the positive's vs. negative's that occur during the first 30. I'm betting that one column have far more written on it then the other. Good luck!

Do you really think you can 'outsmart' your vice? I'd start with "1 day at a time" and go from there. Are you doing anything besides just not drinking? I could get smashed tonight and not drink tomorrow,but there's no point and no gain for me. I don't drink anymore. I had to work for my mental state/sobriety. It's very rare someone posts here if they can just stop and be content(not white knuckling).

"Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane."

Craig Ferguson


I read this today and I sooo agree. What you are thinking and feeling is part of the struggle alcohol do change your brain in such way it takes everything and still comes back for you at the end. Keep trying who knows what may happen along the way :grouphug:

First, it's great that you are posting your thoughts, and thinking things through. I am definitely in the camp of people who thought moderation was something I could do, and I could for a few days, but even during those few days the thoughts of how much can I drink and stick to my moderation plan were bouncing through my head. Then a few days passed, and I thought well, I can have a little more, then the bargaining began, and soon enough I was right back to where I was.

Try to just focus on the moment, mindfulness really helped me. You are not drinking for today, and then repeat the same thing tomorrow. Over time the thoughts of drinking lessen, and then one day you will realize you didn't even think about alcohol that day.

I now have over two and a half years sober, and I woukdn trade it for anything.

You can do this Truth, it is really one day at a time.

Wow I love this quote.

I've done the reset so many times its not funny. Go 30d or so and then I tell myself, "See - I can moderate." And maybe I do for a while, but I always end up back at a bad place.

A week or so ago we had a trivia party with a bunch of friends and I watched a friend of mine have two beers (summer beers with low alc %), and then he had a glass of water and a diet coke. I don't think I've ever seen him drunk. THAT is normal drinking and is so foreign to what I would have been doing, which probably would have involved drinking the highest alcohol % IPAs I could find, and sneaking into the house to do a couple shots.

"and I’ve been unhappy my whole life so maybe I’m afraid of what happiness might feel like or that I’ll find out I just can’t be happy and say **** it, I might as well drink again. I don’t know what I’m really feeling."

That paragraph needs talking about. I shouldnt wonder if what lies beneath that is the reason for your drinking. Maybe go and find a really good counsellor to unravel the unhapiness and put into place a strategy to start enjoying life. I would imagine you are drinking to drown out your unhappiness but you do have a choice to resolve those issues and live a happy life alcohol free. Xx