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My goal is 30 days sober. Then I donít know.

Old 07-23-2018, 01:13 PM
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My goal is 30 days sober. Then I donít know.

I know this wonít be popular here but itís the only way I can keep myself motivated and we are all different. I know that is a short enough time for me to accomplish this. I wasnít always this bad off with my drinking. I used to go out a few times a week and have a few glasses of wine. What if I find that after a month Iíve somehow ďresetĒ and with how good Iíll look and feel I will either not want to drink at all or maybe Iíll find I can get back to self moderation. Does anyone here believe that is possible?

I still need the support even if my goal is controversy. Itís a plan I know I can stick to. You know how some people do Dry July or Sober October? I just want my own month of sobriety and then Iíll see if I can go back to how I once was at times in my life when I wasnít involved with alcoholic men who encouraged and enabled me to drink.

If I can get through a month I will feel SO proud of myself, maybe that boost in confidence will be all I need to stop using alcohol as a means of dealing with my lifelong shame issues. Btw I am in therapy, sheís gone for a month though. This place is going to be my rock. I donít have any family or close friends, I have a few but they are pretty busy and not always available. I did go to AA the other day. Iím not sure itís for me. Everyone was so nice though.
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:19 PM
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I started by thinking I was going to detox and then go back to 'normal' drinking. Then it went to going to rehab and take a month off from drinking. Then I arbitrarily said 3 months, then 6 months. By the time I left rehab, I realized that I could never drink again.

What are you going to do in those 30 days to continue your sobriety? What's your recovery plan?

Do you want to live a sober life?
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:26 PM
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What if I find that after a month I’ve somehow “reset” and with how good I’ll look and feel I will either not want to drink at all or maybe I’ll find I can get back to self moderation.

and what if you end up worse than you were? what if self moderation takes you to the grave or worse- ya end up hurting someone else when youre drunk? what if ya end up killing someone?

i had a lot of self hatred, insecurities, and fears when i was drinking. had em early in recovery,too. i happened to find a program that helped me face em all and be rid of them. that was the program of AA.
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:30 PM
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Well all I have to do is look in the mirror at the 20 lbs of alcohol weight I gained, my wardrobe that no longer fits, the energy I never have, the money Iíve spent on alcohol, among other things. I have Naltrexone which works for me, I have to take a lower dose because of nausea but it works. I guess you could say Iím just very motivated this time. Workouts will become a daily part of my life. Reading books, reading SR, eating well again, practicing love for myself and others. Iím at the point of disgust. I detoxed in the ER for three hours then they sent me home to finish it with Librium. At some point we have to get our strength within ourselves even though suppprt is so very important. Thatís what Iím here on this forum right now.

After 30 days I really donít know. My psychological and spiritual journey will never end so I canít say if I wouldnít slowly start using it as a crutch again, however, I know I have been able to stop at two drinks in the past. The only way for me to know is to try. I do feel very confident that I will never go back to where I was three days ago. But I just donít know. Psychologically itís so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again. I hope people understand where Iím coming from. Iím ready for this particular challenge. I canít say never again for life.
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:37 PM
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But I just don’t know. Psychologically it’s so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again.

How about replacing the "never again" with "just for today'? It's a lot easier to be sober in 24 hour chunks than it is to say a month, a year, the rest of my life, etc.
I have 43 months sober. I never looked out and said I'm not gonna drink for three and a half years. I just say I'm not going to drink today. And I do it every day. You'd be surprised how one little thing can take the psychological pressure off.
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:40 PM
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Once you've crossed the line to alcoholic drinking, no length of sober time is going to 'reset' you back to normal drinking. You may manage it for a while, but will likely end up drinking too much again.

For me, it was easier to quit altogether than to try to moderate.
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
What if I find that after a month Iíve somehow ďresetĒ and with how good Iíll look and feel I will either not want to drink at all or maybe Iíll find I can get back to self moderation. Does anyone here believe that is possible?
.
The overwhelming evidence suggests that you would literally be the "needle in the haystack" should this happen. It's the ultimate pipe dream, to somehow moderate once again. I've been around SR for about 6 years now and I can truthfully say that I've never once heard of someone who was drinking alcoholically be able to return to "normal" drinking. There are literally multiple stories here every single day where the phrase "I thought i could just have a couple" is somewhere in the story, and every single time they were wrong.

I understand what you are struggling with, but your quoted statement above is pure folly - a direct quote from your addiction nonetheless.
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
Well all I have to do is look in the mirror at the 20 lbs of alcohol weight I gained, my wardrobe that no longer fits, the energy I never have, the money Iíve spent on alcohol, among other things. I have Naltrexone which works for me, I have to take a lower dose because of nausea but it works. I guess you could say Iím just very motivated this time. Workouts will become a daily part of my life. Reading books, reading SR, eating well again, practicing love for myself and others. Iím at the point of disgust. I detoxed in the ER for three hours then they sent me home to finish it with Librium. At some point we have to get our strength within ourselves even though suppprt is so very important. Thatís what Iím here on this forum right now.

After 30 days I really donít know. My psychological and spiritual journey will never end so I canít say if I wouldnít slowly start using it as a crutch again, however, I know I have been able to stop at two drinks in the past. The only way for me to know is to try. I do feel very confident that I will never go back to where I was three days ago. But I just donít know. Psychologically itís so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again. I hope people understand where Iím coming from. Iím ready for this particular challenge. I canít say never again for life.
Very interesting post.

Negatives.
Gained 20lbs.
Wardrobe doesnt fit anymore.
Money spent on alcohol
No energy
No money
Detox in hospital, medication on discharge to cope with remaining detox.
Alcohol is a crutch.

Used to be able to stop at 2 or 3 drinks but now drinks to the point of needing hospital detox.

Ok i dont see any positives with your drinking. Its easy to see that your drinking has progressed into an unmanageable place. It will continue.

A person without a drink problem doesnt even think about a site like this. They never even contemplate it. They most certainly are never admitted to hospital for a detox. They dont place themselves in a situation where they have to control their drinking for a determined period and are starting that thought process with when they will recommence drinking and their desire to drink will be reset.

Moderation/self moderation is like asking Father Christmas for a unicorn. It doesnt exist.

Im not in any way having a go. I negotiated with my AV for years. I'll only drink on Friday/Saturdays, only 1 bottle, blah blah blah. Its all bollocks. So i say all of the above because the sooner you get a plan, give up the booze and hop on board the sober bus the sooner you will start to make a huge list of positives about why you dont drink and why, moreover, never again is the best thing thats ever happened. So i wish you all the best. Love light and peace. Xx
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Old 07-23-2018, 01:59 PM
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please remember, your drinking landed you in the ER a few days ago. you've passed the point of normal drinking. and there is no going back to it. there just isn't.

sure maybe there have been times where at a single drinking session you only had two. but what about 3 hours later? 3 days later?

i commend you for wanting to have a goal. and if 30 days works for you and helps you NOT drink, then go for it. but please do not hold any ill conceived notion that somehow in 30 days your body will change, and your allergy to alcohol will somehow resolve. you'll still be a person for whom alcohol is deadly, you'll also be a person with a great start to a fabulous life free of something that wants to kill you.
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Old 07-23-2018, 02:11 PM
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Have you read the book ďA Happier HourĒ by Rebecca Welles? It is her memoir regarding becoming sober. At first, she planned a 30-day alcohol free experiment and then just kept going. She documents it all in her book. She also had a website called sexysobriety.com where you can read more about her journey. Her book was the final push I needed to give up drinking for good.
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Old 07-23-2018, 02:17 PM
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If you look at your life and alcohol, the data suggests that if you drink, eventually you will be unable to control it and there will be consequences.

Odds are overwhelming that your next sip will end up up back where you started.

You've listed the cons of drinking. What are the pros? What is your reason for taking that sip?
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Old 07-23-2018, 02:24 PM
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Its a mindset on whether or not you truly want to achieve sobriety. If breaking it down to 30 days helps, I say go for it. But if you plan to celebrate at 30 days and drinking your brains out, then its pointless.

I made staying sober the most important thing in my life for a few months and then the grip kind of let go. At 49 years old I set a goal of remaining sober until I'm 60 and then I'll reevaluate. Sounds silly, but that's my goal.
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Old 07-23-2018, 02:36 PM
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There's no such thing as moderation.

Those who need to moderate can't, those who can moderate don't need to.
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Old 07-23-2018, 02:47 PM
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Thank you, I read all your posts and they all resonated with me. I guess since itís just day 3 Iím negotiating with myself, and Iíve been unhappy my whole life so maybe Iím afraid of what happiness might feel like or that Iíll find out I just canít be happy and say **** it, I might as well drink again. I donít know what Iím really feeling.

What do I hope to get out of drinking again if I do? I think maybe feeling comfortable in my own skin because I donít know how to do that without alcohol. I picture myself having just a few, enough to loosen up and be relaxed and charming or whatever. But more times than not I went overboard and wasnít very relaxed or charming. I just donít know how to be me without it. Itís been part of who I am since I was about 25 and began drinking gin every night after work to escape my abusive boyfriend I lived with. Those first few drinks, that warm rush from my head to my toes, that sense that the booze was saying ďhe may be abusive but Iíll be here for you, every night after workĒ and ever since then i made it a big part of my life. I feel pretty empty right now. Yesterday I was on a high but now I just feel low. Iím grateful for SR. I have a feeling i will be utilizing all the great advice and support here often in my future. I sure hope so. My life isnít working and it hasnít for years. I know drinking has been a huge part of that.

Just now I had an impulse to go buy a little vodka. But thanks to this forum I think Iím just going to go buy a chocolate bar instead. Or a coke. Last night I bought a non alcohol beer. Iím eating and drinking a lot but I bet Iíll still lose weight. I was drinking easily 1000 calories a day in booze. My now EX will have to face seeing me healthy, trim and sober while he continues to hurt people and gain enormous weight and pass out in peopleís yards, which he did so last month and the homeowner called the police. I donít want to be like him, I want to be the opposite of him. And Iím scared if I can stay sober forever but I will try the one day at a time. My doctor warned me there may be setbacks but the important thing is I get back on track. Thank you.
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Old 07-23-2018, 02:53 PM
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I think this is an interesting post and I also have seen a lot of interesting replies.

I have been there. Boy did I give a try.... okay, more like a 1000 tries. I am a binge drinker. And I know your feeling, I really do. Probably most of us do.

I refused for so long to believe I could not even handle one drink. Well, as it turns out, I can't.

These are my two cents:

1. Some people may get intoxicated and end up in the hospital from a binge.. sure, why not, could happen. However, all those changes you have mentioned just imply one thing "alcohol have changed your life", and apparently, not for good.

2. I have a lot of sober friends. Mark my words, no one gets into a forum or goes to AA by coincidence.

You can accomplish your goal. Hey, I can accomplish your goal. Matter fact, there's people that have gone 15 years straight. And they drink. The odds? They don't go back to normal.

By the way, you will avoid a lot, a lot of pain.
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Old 07-23-2018, 03:02 PM
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Hey, Truthseeker. This is the truth for me: moderation is impossible. I have no 'off'switch when it comes to booze. I believe that once you've had to go to the ER because of drinking it is too late to drink in moderation again. For me it's too difficult to negotiate with myself--when will I drink? What will I drink? How much? It's easier just to be sober and enjoy my improved body image, my positive mental outlook, the renewed respect from my friends and family and the pride I feel as someone no longer enslaved to drink.
Perhaps you will be the one who can moderate--I think going for 30 days is an excellent start if you just can't see yourself quitting for good. I hope once you see the improvements in your life after a month (and you will see them) you will continue down the sober path. A lot of improvement takes longer than a month, though. It's took me several months to begin to feel really good and steady. I'm at 2 years 7 months now and have no desire to return to the horror of my previous life--this new one suits me far better. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
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Old 07-23-2018, 03:12 PM
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I'm glad you're on Day 3!

My belief is that stopping drinking, as you are, is the beginning. But, it's not going to fix things in your life and make you happy. That's what recovery is about. I think if you plan to stop for 30 days, you may be holding you breath until day 31 so you can have a drink again. In my opinion, it would be better if, during those 30 days, you began to make changes in your life that would bring peace and joy to you.

You know we're here for you.
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Old 07-23-2018, 05:56 PM
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Well I can't convince you to quit full stop if you aren't ready. Your post reads to me like your addiction is doing the talking.

Your thread posted a few days ago talked about your kids recording you while drunk. You said you have been an alcoholic a long time, and its getting worse, as it does. I'm paraphrasing but those were your words....that was the truth, I believe.

I have been sober this time like 15 months ish. I spent 4 hours talking with my 17 year old .....just all kinds of stuff. But she spoke a lot about the chaos my addiction has caused her. I am a bender drinker, sober for months, even years, and then wham! All hell breaks loose. It's awful. Sometimes 3 times a year which is horrible. I am insane. And it doesn't matter how great a mom I am when I'm sober, I have ****** her up. No doubt. It is absolutely devastating and I have to face that fact. I try to tell myself 'hey straight A student, college bound, national honors society, ambassador Girl Scout, debate team'. But inside she is a frightened insecure little girl that doesn't ever really know if mom is going to dive off the deep end again. And that is terrible. I'm gutted today, quite frankly, but so grateful I could sit there, not be self absorbed, thinking about how hard this is on ME. but able to see in bright vivid and gut wrenching detail the damage that I have done.

What if you were to ask your kids what they thought of your plan? Not that you should, but if you were to put yourself in their shoes? And the alcoholic boyfriend? Respectfully, you are choosing to keep him around. Cut him lose now if you're serious about not being enabled.
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Old 07-23-2018, 06:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Well I can't convince you to quit full stop if you aren't ready. Your post reads to me like your addiction is doing the talking.

Your thread posted a few days ago talked about your kids recording you while drunk. You said you have been an alcoholic a long time, and its getting worse, as it does. I'm paraphrasing but those were your words....that was the truth, I believe.

I have been sober this time like 15 months ish. I spent 4 hours talking with my 17 year old .....just all kinds of stuff. But she spoke a lot about the chaos my addiction has caused her. I am a bender drinker, sober for months, even years, and then wham! All hell breaks loose. It's awful. Sometimes 3 times a year which is horrible. I am insane. And it doesn't matter how great a mom I am when I'm sober, I have ****** her up. No doubt. It is absolutely devastating and I have to face that fact. I try to tell myself 'hey straight A student, college bound, national honors society, ambassador Girl Scout, debate team'. But inside she is a frightened insecure little girl that doesn't ever really know if mom is going to dive off the deep end again. And that is terrible. I'm gutted today, quite frankly, but so grateful I could sit there, not be self absorbed, thinking about how hard this is on ME. but able to see in bright vivid and gut wrenching detail the damage that I have done.

What if you were to ask your kids what they thought of your plan? Not that you should, but if you were to put yourself in their shoes? And the alcoholic boyfriend? Respectfully, you are choosing to keep him around. Cut him lose now if you're serious about not being enabled.
I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but that was a punch to the gut. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 07-23-2018, 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
I just donít know how to be me without it. Itís been part of who I am since I was about 25...
Well, that's twenty five years you were someone without alcohol.
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