A Different Path
 

My life will be taking a different turn from now on.

I’ve suspected since the end of May, but yesterday I found out for sure: I have late stage incurable and untreatable cancer, and they give me from two to nine months to live—max a year.

I had eye cancer (ocular melanoma) in 2010. The tumor in my eye got radiation and was killed; but a few cells must have survived undetected in my blood, because now the melanoma has metastasized to my liver.

I had an abdominal CT scan last November, and my liver was clear; by May there were two large tumors.

More in a few minutes.

I'm so sorry, Gilmer.

My heart and healing thoughts go out to you.

Oh Gilmer, I'm so sorry. :hug:

I'm so sorry Gilmer. Can you participate in a clinical trial? My brother-in-law passed away from melanoma 7 years ago. My sister often remarks that she wishes her husband had the opportunity to use the treatments that are available today. Is there any family member or close friend who can be a health advocate and help you along with this? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I’m sorry Gilmer. I hope we can help in some way, please let us know.

Thank you guys very much.

I’ve looked into available clinical trials, Rar. There was nothing for ocular melanoma (more hopeless and stubborn than skin melanoma) on my oncologist’s website, so I checked a link for the government website.

There was only one clinical trial dedicated to ocular melanoma within 100 miles, and it was for a cocktail of three different kinds of chemo. One of them has already been tried and proved to be ineffective.

The goal of the trial was to see if people with the cocktail lived any longer than those without; they were hoping for nothing more ambitious than two years, if that—but realistically were expecting one or two months more.

The other two drugs in the cocktail have side effects—and if I do only have a few good months left, I don’t want to ruin them with unpleasant side effects that probably wouldn’t ultimately do any good.

I will keep searching, though, for my family’s sake if not my own.

Gilmer, I am lost for words. I will just pray for you. Please make sure you are getting the best medical advice and know all the possibilities. God Bless

I am so sorry to hear, Gilmer.

MB, one day you will get a message that I “bought the farm!” :lmao

(From a previous lesson in irreverent American slang)! :)

There are no words, Gilmer. I am so sorry to hear this, you are a shining light in the dark path that I have been travelling always guiding me in the right direction. Be kind to yourself and I will keep you in my thoughts during my meditation each morning and pray for you. xx

very sorry to hear this Gilmer.

:hug: Thank you guys very much.

Gilmer; I am so very, very sorry. I can’t begin to tell you how very much you mean to me. We have never met but I have been incredibly blessed by your friendship and support.

My heart breaks.

You are in my daily prayers; you will now be in so many more.

I love you.

Thank you, Leigh. I’m praying for you, too.

Our prayers are merging somewhere in the Heavens.

Sending you light and love, dear Gilmer. You're in my prayers.

Thank you. :)

guessing at what buying-the-farm means...
Gilmer, thank you for sharing such difficult news.
beyond words, yes.

Same thing as “kicking the bucket,” Fini! :)

I’m sorry doesn’t seem like enough. I hope you fight this, just like you’ve fought your addiction and helped others so very much. Stay strong - have you looked into anything holistic? My good friend’s husband has cancer and is finding much help from the website Chris beat cancer.com. Prayers for you and your family Gilmer.

I am coping with the news (and putting my family at ease) with humor—particularly Charles Addams macabre-style humor.

Not really sick and creepy macabre—just maybe a droll kind of “warped.”

Thanks, Behappy. I will look at the website.

I am just naturally eating cleaner lately; I seem to have lost my sweet tooth and wild lust for junky carbs. I had a bag of potato chips in my cabinet for almost two months—ordinarily it would have been devoured in two days!

I take a lot of herbal supplements too, like gingko biloba and turmeric with capsaicin.

Your irreverence is disarming! I'm not ready to assign these terms to you! Too soon!!!!

Bless your heart. RobbyRobot really exemplified dying with dignity. I guess I'll see if I can pull it off when it's my turn. Probably sooner than later at my age.

I have a friend who I graduated high school with (in 1972) who still doesn't get that we are closer to the end than the beginning. Whatever works for him, I guess.

Oh my gosh, Gilmer. I am so sorry. This is such a shock. Please let us know if there's anything we can do. My thoughts and prayers are with you. :grouphug:

Well that sucks Gilly.
As ever- you handle yourself with grace and dignity.
My experiences pale into comparison to such shite news, but perhaps I can offer something to you.
Grief will have it's time...a although there are plenty of good theoretical tools, like E Kubler-Ross's stages of grieving...grief is unpredictable...I would feel angry, then humourous then fearful..all in one minute. I had a mental shock- a numbness to emotions that crept in after a while..then memories would put themsleves in the mix.
For me- professional support was good- even if for no other reason, having someone listen who was not connected to the grief I felt. For times past, what may be etcetcetcetc.
I can offer no words that explain adequately what you are going through and will not try ...
you have my empathy, compassion, prayers and support- as ever.

Hello Gilmer,

I'm so sorry you've gotten this news. I hope you're not experiencing too much pain or discomfort. It seems really soon but you might consider giving hospice a try. some of these best, most interesting people I know work hospice and you might enjoy the support and visits even if you're not needing the practical stuff they have to offer for awhile. Plus you wont get better pain management anywhere else.

I love your irreverent attitude. It makes more sense to look at life and death that way! While you're feeling ok, make sure you do some of the things you've wanted to do, within the bounds of your endurance and comfort.

Pm me if you need to talk.

Gilmer :grouphug:

Gilmer, I'm sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you.

O

Big hugs to you. :grouphug: