I Need a Plan
 

I woke up today wondering what kind of excuse I might be able to use to be late to work after 1.5 bottles of red wine last night. I couldn't stand to be late again, so I sucked it up and went in. Only 20 minutes late today. How impressive.

I'm sitting in my office with a boat load of responsibility, and my lower back is pretty sore and distracting me from work. I suspect this could be an issue with my kidneys or other organ so start Googling and get scared to death. I let myself feel scared of what I'm doing to my body--my one and only body, not to mention my spirit and mind.

I wrote this down earlier: I will never drink again. I am a non-drinker. And some additional self-talk that I'm (hoping and praying will become--I wrote and deleted this) committing to making my mantra.

I'm scared, y'all--scared for my health and happiness but also scared of failing. I have a healthy, happy child, an amazing job, and so much going for me. And I'm throwing it away. I long for early morning runs again, lots of energy, good sleep, nature, abundance. All I have now is dependence, excuses, naps, xanax, headaches, and maybe if lucky 2 hours a day of not feeling like total crap.

I need a plan. I need a play by play game plan to follow when I get home from work this evening. I mean, really specific, like every five minutes kind of plan. I know about walking my dog and cooking and reading and exercising. What do I do??? I cannot fail again.

Welcome, I'm glad you found us.

This is a link with lots of information on recovery programs and things we did to get and stay sober:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Hi Rungirl please stop now, I know exactly where you are coming from, I loved my job and never thought I would get to the stage where I would walk out in a huff (hangover) and now spiraling down because no job has been GREAT excuse to drink myself silly. It's miserable, I love my daughters so much and I'm going to be dead soon, and the addiction has just progressed so so fast. Please please do yourself and your loved ones an enormous favour and pour the poison away, don't just be another statistic of the so powerful alcohol industry! best wishes, xx

That is so terrifying. I need to be scared. Please, everyone, scare me more. I really think I need horror stories to tuck away in my mind to use as a weapon in the beginning.

I think you might be better served with a recovery plan Rungirl.
I don't have the link handy, but essentially it is planning how you will deal with triggers,
typical drinking time, stress, etc.
but of course the most important part is quitting.

Withdrawals can be tricky. How much are you drinking daily?
You might want to go to a doctor and get some meds etc. to be safe.

We all feel like hell after we've done something stupid. The most powerful tool is when it passes and you start having "the bad thoughts" again. This is when you need to reach out.
Go to AA, call your local addiction center or AA hotline, post here,...

1.5 bottle of red wine per day

Please listen to Hawkeye. I have followed this advice in the past and it can so help to string together those first few days. You don't need to get to the stage that I'm at. Write it down, follow it and keep posting on SR, You got this, you come across as such a strong person, be well. xx

Here are some good links to get started:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html

We can't give medical advice on this forum, but the general wisdom
is that detox is best done by seeing a doctor, being honest about your drinking amounts and frequency, and typically they can give you some meds to ease
the first few days of detox safely.

I did not know it could be dangerous, and simply stopped.
I had some pretty severe symptoms like racing heart, sweats, insomnia, anxiety, etc. which eased day by day.

After the first week or so, I felt much much better and mentally the long-standing anxiety I had felt for years, and drank to suppress, began to go away.
The drinking was actually causing the problem in my case.

Everyone is different, but I can tell you that sobriety is peace, not feeling deprived.

How much were other people drinking per day who received medication? I’m female, normal weight, late thirties.

Thank you. With help and support, I believe I can quit engaging this demon.

That's a matter for your doctor.

Hi and welcome rungirl :)

I never had medication, but like several other people have said, it's really best to discuss with your Dr what they think you might need for your particular case :)

D

Hi Rungirl,

If you want a plan that will work for you, the first thing to do is define exactly what the problem is.

Roughly speaking there are two types of alcoholic, the hard drinking type, who will be able to stop given a good enough reason though they may have trouble at the start. These folks might have some success with your desire to be scared into sobriety. A warning from a doctor, like "you will die if you keep this up" or a warning from a spouse "I will leave if you keep this up" might be enough to change your behaviour.

Then there is the hopeless chronic alcoholic for who these methods never work. That's my type by the way. I got the doctor's warning - wow! I need a drink to get my head around that. The spouse - good bye, the single life will be fun! Inside, on an intellectual level, I knew they were right, but I was incapable of giving the advice or warning the proper weight.

For me the early days were always easy to get because I was too sick to drink. I drank until I had to stop. But sobriety was very uncomfortable, and the discomfort increased, the further I was away from my last drink. The most I ever lasted was 21 days. I stopped until I had to drink. Life just got too uncomfortable. That is alcoholism, it comes out when the drinking stops. Booze is not so much the problem at that point, as it is the solution.

I could not be scared sober by frightening tales of someone else. When the obsession was on me I could not recall my own frightening tales, much less anyone elses.

I hope you can see the wisdom of knowing what the nature of the problem is, and that the treatment is different for each. Once you know that, you can chose your solution.

I see your point, but I’m not sure. All I know is that it’s 8:23 pm, and I didn’t drink today. What worked for me today was making in writing a commitment to stop and allowing myself to feel the negative emotions which came from it (deprivation, unfairness, fear, etc.).

I am really glad I found this site. Thanks.

I guess what I want to know is the stats. I don’t feel comfortable talking to a doctor. Sounds strange, I guess.

I would wake up everyday with a hangover and head in to my job. Every day I would tell myself that I was not drinking when work was done. Everyday I would tell myself that my early morning runs were going to happen. If I did make it out on a run, keeping that commitment, I was hurting. Head pounding. Telling myself, again, that last night was my last night of drinking.

The drinking progressed so quickly and it was too much to process. My last binge experience was on a day were I told myself that I was not drinking and ended up consuming 2 bottles of wine and blacked out.

And then I made a plan. I committed to not drinking.

My first few months of sobriety were very structured:

Wake up. Drink coffee. Log on to SR
Run at the gym
Go to work
Get off work
Take a bath or shower to get the day washed off.
Eat dinner.
Hot Tea
Log on to SR.
Watch Netflix or read
Bedtime

Day after day.

The weekends were similar but more time on SR and more running time. Movies. Starting threads here and participating and offering words of encouragement.

You can create New habits. They will feel foreign at first. You can do this. It is not easy and it's not black and white.

I have had my own setback after 10plus months of solid sobriety but I got right back on track and recovered. Learning more about my emotional state and what I truly need to remain healthy.

Find what works for you and run with it. Many members will offer their advice and it is all solid experienced advice.

I'm glad you are here.

I love your response. It’s exactly the kind of stuff I want to know. Details, which by the way I totally relate to. I’m so encouraged by your plan—it really fits my life (washing the day off is a great statement). I’m saving a screenshot so I can start forming new habits. I thank you so much for taking time to respond!

I’m using up so much space here at SR they are likely holding an emergency finance meeting to fast track building a new data storage facility in some huge open field in the dakotas. :D

Seriously though what Mizz said is kinda how I’m taking things. Wake, make tea, log onto SR. Do what I gotta, shower, log onto SR. Act like something else can keep my attention, log onto SR.

I’m using the obsess about my quit until I’m solid method. It’s all the rave.

(Seriously good you are here hope you get whatever you need.). Let’s not drink tomorrow, it’ll be fun. :)

It works, ya?
Participate in something other than participating in a drinking spree or something that keeps us stuck in unhealthy destructive behavior.

For me, the removal of alcohol is a small part of the whole dynamic. I've learned I can put it down and walk away but then there is ALL of me to deal with. My emotional state, mental state ...physical and spiritual.

The real work begins when I stop trying to escape the real work.

And the wisdom here is outstanding. So many people showing us that lasting sobriety can be achieved. The members giving their own perspective and having compassion towards the struggle we have all experienced. That happiness without alcohol saturation is possible.

One day at a time.