I'M back I said I would be back after 30 days sober. I did it. On day 31 I had vodka again. It lasted a few days. I went a week or so without, feeling like crap. Is it worth it? My wife doesn't seem to care. I know I can fix this but don't know if I care enough. It's 8:30 am and I've already had a drink. |
Originally Posted by bobdrop
(Post 6615773)
I know I can fix this but don't know if I care enough. Go back and read your previous posts. You cared then. You can now. And you can quit. |
Thanks. I should feel thankful for everything I have. I just feel empty. Sometimes think my wife doesn't care about the drinking because she knows she'll be rid of me sooner. |
How did you get 30 days sober? What action did you take? |
I had motivation from my cardiologist. Going back in 3 weeks. Diagnosed with cardiomyopathy 23 years ago. |
I mean like how did you make it through the 30 days? What motivated you not to drink? Also what caused you to relapse on day 31? |
I made it based on what my cardiologist told me. Not good. I relapsed based on my wife saying that having a shot won't kill me. She doesn't understand that it doesn't end with a shot. |
Maybe your wife realizes that she can't do anything for you. She realizes that YOU have to do it for yourself. You can do this!!! |
I think it's the disease of alcoholism telling you that you don't care. The AV is diabolical and relentless. You got through a month, so you know you can do this. |
She has offered to stop drinking. I said no because I didn't want to punish her for my sins. |
I have not been honest with my wife. |
We've been married 34 years and we just don't talk anymore. |
I'm going to stop at noon today. hahahhaaahahaha |
Your staying stopped isn't about your wife. It's about you. To me and I'm not judging you....You basically tested yourself for those 30days,since you drank on day 31(then continued). No offense to your wife,but she is neither here nor there as far as you deciding to drink. She 'gave you permission';YOU drank. 'She doesn't talk to you';YOU drink. Unless she's pouring it down your throat she has no say in the matter. Also, Maybe her offering to stop drinking is her way of reaching out to you because she knows you have a drinking problem. With that your "not wanting to punish her with for your sins"..To me, that's akin to saying/thinking; "If she stops I'll have to completely stop too and own my sobriety publicly". That's a scary place and I've been there! It wasn't until I 'came out' to those close to me that I started owning my sobriety. I go to bars and watch football with my close friends,they drink I don't. Excuses are the first thing that needs to go and with doing that comes acceptance. That was my experience at least. Dump your booze. |
Wow. Thanks. Wish I could talk to her like this. |
OK. I will take responsibility. I will just accept that my wife doesn't care. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. |
Pouring out the vodka. |
Originally Posted by bobdrop
(Post 6616075)
OK. I will take responsibility. I will just accept that my wife doesn't care. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. |
Originally Posted by bobdrop
(Post 6615773)
I said I would be back after 30 days sober. I did it. On day 31 I had vodka again. It lasted a few days. I went a week or so without, feeling like crap. Is it worth it? My wife doesn't seem to care. I know I can fix this but don't know if I care enough. It's 8:30 am and I've already had a drink. What did you do to get a month sober? Do you have outside professional support such as therapy and AAs etc ? Is it worth it you ask? Well think of it this way, is it worth it to keep drinking and risk ALL sorts of consequences? Liver failure, mental breakdowns, divorce, self loathing , mental hospitals just to name a few. |
Well, it's been most of a day. Just did a couple laps around the mall. Still buzzed. Hate myself. |
There's a lot of support and good ideas here Bob - why not use it to the full and post here everyday? :dunno: D |
Here's to a new day. |
It is a new day! Do you have a plan for getting to the end of today sober? If you have any booze left over from yesterday I would suggest pouring it all out immediately, without any ceremony and ruthlessly. |
No specific plan. Right now, just don't want to repeat the last 2 days. Looking forward to season premiere of NCIS. Maybe by tomorrow morning I will be feeling physically better. |
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Doing better this morning and off to another day. |
Still going better, but curious if the experience on this website can tell me how to find the core of my reason for drinking. |
Back to day 3. I guess no one has an answer for my previous question. |
I wanted to know why I drank. Don't think I ever found the answer, other than accepting I was an alcoholic. And that drinking was always option 1. |
Thanks Carl. My cardiologist once told me that I needed to get at what was causing it. I just thought with all the experience here, there might be some guidance in the thought process in getting to that point. I've always wondered if it was anger from my childhood or maybe anger as a young adult, or maybe this is just a genetic issue. I never saw my father drink, but I sometimes wonder if it was because he had to. We never talked about stuff like that. Maybe it's because talking is not big in my family's DNA. Does it really take someone I don't know to analyze my head to figure this out? |
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