Trying to get sober (again)
 

Hey, so here I am again. I made the decision last week that I need to get sober again, and I've slowly been making my way there. A little back story- I've gone to inpatient treatment once in 2011 and had 3 years of sobriety after that. For a lot of that time I was working a strong program in AA. Then I stopped, and relapsed. Since then I've had multiple 6mo./9mo./3mo. exc. but no lasting sobriety. I have 4 kids (one of them is 7mo. and thank God I didn't drink during my pregnancy) so I've found it hard, even with the support of my husband to work an AA program like I used to.

Anyway, here I am again. It hit me last week that I've been drinking REALLY hard for a couple of months now. My liver is actually sore and my eyes are always dry.. I am gaining weight and feel disgusting. I tried to just go cold turkey but the withdrawal symptoms scared me (sweaty palms, heart palpitations, overwhelming anxiety exc) so I decided to "taper" before quitting completely. I've had one drink today which is WAY less than my normal. I think I'll be able to make it through the night with one more, and tomorrow be done hopefully with minimal withdrawal symptoms. I know how scary it is to go cold turkey at home with the risk of seizures exc.

I guess I'm just saying hello and asking for some support. I know it's out there. I know people do recover for long periods of time. Thanks everyone

Our stories sound similar. I just joined today after being a lurker for so long. Welcome! We can do this!

Welcome back HNS,
Well I hope it won't be to bad for you. Having done it before I'm sure you know what to expect. So tomorrow will be day one? We are here for you.

I actually did read your introduction, and thought the same! Thank you for the welcome. We CAN do this. I know that life is just better sober and that I was made to be a better mom, wife, friend, exc. than I am right now. We will find that inner happiness again. <3

Yes, I am really hoping and praying that tomorrow will be day 1. Thank you so much for the support.

You can do it. I really planned out my day one hour by hour. I didn't let myself get side tracked. Ate a big dinner at the time I would normally start drinking then read SR for two hours. I know it's going to be tough with your little ones but you can do it.

It's so good to have you with us, hns. You never have to feel alone - we all understand.

When I came here I'd been drinking most of my life & I couldn't imagine stopping all together. Yet I knew it was killing me. I was being reckless & putting myself in danger. Being here helped with the anxiety I was feeling - the encouragement & friendship was just what I needed. It was such a relief to finally get free. You can do it.

Thank you Mattq2, that is great advice that I hadnt thought of. Luckily my husband is supportive and realizes its going to be a few days that Im going to need to re-focus (read SR), meditate, just think about taking care of myself to NOT drink. I really appreaciate the support and advice.

Hevyn, thank you so much. I really mean that. I have so much anxiety, and just disgust with myself right now- so much shame :( I will check in here again tomorrow to let you all know how the night goes. I'm not sure AA will be for me again, so I really appreciate this space.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream after dinner did wonders😀

We will keep an eye out for you. Come on back It really helps

Welcome! :) I hope our support can help you get sober for good. :hug:

Your story sounds similar to my own hns. I had five years while going to AA but still did not really 'get it'.

I left AA for various values based reasons though did learn some good things in the early days. Helped build foundations.

Have had multiple, 6, 12, 18 months, and each time it has gotten worse. Always believed I would eventually be able to drink rationally...one day,ha.

The pros of sobriety finally outweighed the cons, and now I love being sober no matter how hard the day. For the first time I am getting to know myself.

If you don't feel like AA just keep coming here, that's what I do, and many others hereI think.

I think, if you can manage it, your taper sounds good.

I can only say that if you really want it you'll never regret it.

Thank you so much, i really hope so too.

Forgive me if I am replying to these wrong- I don't really understand how to reply to you each directly. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to hit the "quote" button or "quick reply"...

Thank you so much. I can relate a lot. The time I spent in AA I don't regret for a minute- the program taught me a true new way of living. I honestly work on my resentments and making amends now in a way that I never knew I could or should before the program. I've developed a spiritual relationship with a higher power, and I think that in itself was enough.

I will keep coming here, and definitely update. My true hearts desire is to be sober. I know that I was created to be SO much more- I have so much potential within me that is being stagnated and just diminished by my using alcohol right now. I'm using alcohol to celebrate when I'm happy, as a way to cope when I'm anxious, as a way to just tune out when the kids or life just gets to be "too much". It's not who I'm meant to be.

I agree with you that in my past experience the benefits of sobriety far outweighed the benefits of using alcohol. Thank you all for the support. Truly.

Just lost my post to you hns and will have to have a cup of tea. I get anxiety too, but it's different from alcohol anxiety. Different and better. I'm in control, not the alcohol. It feels good.

It sounds like you made it!

So last night I did end up having a couple of drinks. I had a really difficult time sleeping as it was WAY less than I would normally drink. Hoping I can count today as day 1. I have a really busy day ahead of me so hopefully that will keep me occupied and not thinking about having a drink. I agree that regular anxiety is NOTHING like alcohol anxiety- it's seriously the worst.

Thanks again everyone for the support. Hopefully I can report back with a full first day of no drinking.

Whether you go back to AA or not, I think a erecpvery plan is pretty important hns?

Might be something to consider for day 1? :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

how are you doing HNS hope you are doing well. we are here for you if you want to talk.

Hi Hns! My story sounds so similar to yours. What got me to quit was a liver scare. My liver hurt so much and after I was diagnosed with an enlarged and severe fatty liver, I finally decided I needed to stop to save my life. I think I really didn't care about myself. I was doing it because my kids need their mom. I was a night time drinker. I drank every night after everyone went to bed so no one saw. The next morning I was up early and at work so I was a high functioning alcoholic. High functioning but always tired and sick. (Which I would keep to myself as to not give my secret away.) What a way to live!!! The way I got through the first days was just to go to bed early. That was my drinking time so I would be asleep during my craving time. Sleep was no problem as I suffered from extreme fatigue during that time. I went through a period where I thought I had gotten through the worst, but I have recently been struggling. It's day 69 for me. It's no picnic, but my liver is pain free!!! I am so very proud of myself every morning when I get up and mark off another day. I was NEVER proud of myself when I was drinking. In fact, I disliked myself immensely and now I can say that I do like myself. Trust me, if can do this, so can you. Nothing in life that is worth anything is easy. Do it for your kids if not for yourself. I have posted many times here when I've felt down and the wonderful people here lift me back up. Please keep coming here. It has saved me and I know I won't drink tonight. ❤❤❤

Dee74, Yes, absolutely. I will check out those links.. thank you! I definitely need a plan.