Worried sobriety will be no fun.
 

I get bored. Life gets mundane. I use it to mix things up. Working, being a mom and a wife can be hard. How do mom's not drink? 🤔 That seems weird. I wish I were one. Seems boring. What will I do on Thursday (and every other) evening to reward myself, and to make being home doing chores and bathing children more "fun". I know I need to find something else that makes me happy. If it were that easy I wouldnt be here. Booze is easy. It's a "right now it's here, I don't have to go anywhere, I don't have to get a sitter" happy hobby. Till I wake up the next morning wondering why I rushed so much to but the baby down, when I know damn well I was impatiently trying to get back to my drink. Day one here. Day two is ok. Day three sucks. Day 4 will be really sucky. I plan ahead for drinking, things revolve around it. Big changes to come I pray.

When I got sober, I worried about what I would do if I weren't drinking. It turns out, I can do anything I want and do it better to boot. :)

I didn't think I'd have any fun if I were sober, but the truth is, I wasn't having fun drinking, unless you count being too drunk or sick to do anything as 'fun'. :(

I have much more fun now, starting with waking up feeling good every morning. :)

I felt the same way you do Coco, I think all of us here did. Like Least said, I wasn't really having "fun" when I was drinking. I was just numbing my feelings for a few hrs, only to wake up and feel like crap the next day. What kind of life is that?

While it's hard in the beginning, it DOES get better and once you begin to feel life again, you'll wonder why you ever drank in the first place. Enjoy your children, enjoy feeling 100% every day, enjoy doing activities that you pushed aside once drinking became your main hobby, enjoy LIFE!

You will redefine your idea of fun to a happier, healthier, more productive new life. It may take some time, but the journey will be infinitely rewarding.

The first few months I wondered how I could make it through the weekend without drinking. I soldiered through each one, and gradually those thoughts faded and I began to enjoy life in a better new way.

I used to think life was boring with kids. Now I look back on it as the best time of my life. That time when they are young flies by. I divorced my husband and the kids later chose to live with him. I ended up a total drunk over it. They now both work. Try and find a hobby such as craft you can do at night. Or a mother's group. It's much better than drinking and you won't end up messing up your life and your kid's lives. Start a gratitude list. Do anything. Remember alcohol is progressive over time.

Hi, Cocobeano. Welcome.
I ask this question gently and with respect.
Where exactly is the fun in waking up feeling like c**p every morning?
Alcohol leeches away energy, drive, ability.
Giving it up will be the smartest thing you have ever done.
Unless of course you bought Intel stock at $45.
THAT is the smartest thing anyone could have done.
Good luck on your journey. Here when you need us.

I think I'm bored in life. I use alcohol to "entertain" myself. I need to find something else to fill the void. I just can't figure out what. Booze has just been easier. It has kept me from actually having to find something. Quite sad really. I just have no desire to do most things.

It's not! Totally not worth it! I wish that were enough to deter. It's that snap judgement where u just don't give a hoot n nanny. Need to push through that part. Distraction. Hobbies. Ugh. Hobbies sound like work and boring. It will come. Still in day one. Sober and staying positive.

Yeah, drinking is the easy way to not deal with life and its ups and downs. But, drinking makes our lives smaller and smaller. By the end of my drinking days, I had no activities I was involved in and didn't bother meeting up with friends. The reality is that alcohol will rob you of everything, including those moments of bathing your child and reading a good-night story together. I hope you decide to stop drinking and I think you will find lots of things to do.

Hi Hun, I could have written your post. I'm a mum too. It took me a while but I've realised I'm actually not having fun anymore. It was fun once now it's just mindless escapism it's like I keep trying to chase the feelings it once gave me when it was social and fun but they are becoming more illusive...

I used to think that too.

All the 'fun' I'd miss out on.

All the losses I'd suffer because the only way to have 'fun' and not be bored was to drink.

In sobriety I've discovered I never really knew what fun was

I had the same exact feeling before I decided to quit. If my boss hand not threatened my job I'm not sure I would have stopped. I too am a mom of kids. Husband works a lot. I work. Wine was my reward and I agree I thought it made my life better. I would do the same thing and rush to get kids to bed or hurry something along to get to my wine. Every thing in my life centered around alcohol. My husband once asked "what do you like to do ??" Because I never did anything but drink as my "fun". I will tell you it didn't seem like a possibility even at all until like day 14 when I was physically feeling better and starting to make new routines. Now I see what my life can be without it but no one could have explained it without me doing it if that makes sense. I didn't get it until I did it. No matter what I read or researched I never believed until I went without. Good luck mama. You can do it :):)

Hi Coco. Great responses here - and I agree with them all. :) I knew I had to quit, but I dreaded it. Couldn't imagine life without my 'friend' that helped me cope. In the end, I was just going through the motions - foggy & dull. It was no way to live - we only thought it was. There'll be an adjustment period, but I'm sure you'll find new ways to enjoy and treasure your precious life.

Working, being a mom and a wife can be hard

unless you are a displaced person who can't GET a job
or a woman who cannot conceive
or a woman alone afraid to even try to date and maybe meet someone

i remember one day when i was running around doing all the mom/wife/working stuff and thinking "god i HAVE to do this this and this" and i had a full stop moment.....no wait.........

i GET to those things. i am BLESSED to have a child who needs her parent to be fully engaged. i GET to be involved. i GET to be her mom.

think about what you are saying, albeit silently, to your kids.....you guys bore the F out of me and i can't wait til you are in bed so i can have FUN aka drink.

as we grow and mature our definitions change.

None of us would stay in sobriety if we thought we lost out on the deal.

It's common to fear that we'll never have fun again because, for most of us fan came to mean opening a bottle.

There is still fun to be had - and joy and happiness, peace and contentment - sober :)

Don't let that scared voice in your head tell you otherwise. You are definitely doing the right thing :)

D

Sobriety is loads of fun.

You can do whatever you want, be in total control while doing it and remember the experience.

Keep at it Coco.

I used to think I needed to drink to have fun. Turns out, I just needed to drink. Needed to. Every day. Addicted. Hey, big fun.

The only one having fun being addicted is your addiction.

You guys are great.
 

So nice to relate. I'm very glad to know I'm not alone.

Hi Cocobeano,

I'm not a mom, but I can absolutely relate to the feeling of trying to quell life's prosaic routine with alcohol. I have the most wonderful husband in the world and a beautiful house for which I am endlessly grateful, I pinch myself every day at my good fortune.

Yet I have been stuck working in a high pressured industry that I absolutely hate for years since leaving college. I have been studying for two years in the evenings after work to obtain a different qualification to change career for something I love and spending all my weekends studying and writing assignments, on top of long days at work with increasing pressure and office politics. I would go a couple of weeks at a time without drinking, to be super productive and clear, and although I'd feel great, I forgot to take time for myself to relax and do something enjoyable - it was all work, work, study, repeat, and I was burned out and felt guilty about never doing anything fun with my husband either. So when I would drink, a glass of wine at dinner would end up in an all out bender, as after the first glass I would start contemplating how mundane and frustrating life was and how I was stuck in the cycle of not ever enjoying anything.

Over the 10 years I've been binging, I've used and abused alcohol for many reasons, and I can attest that trying to create some 'excitement' or 'spice up reality' has definitely been one of the more damaging causes. I'm realising now that the prosaic life is actually pretty wonderful, and I intend to start meditating and regularly practising yoga to become more appreciative of the life I have.

I think that perhaps the media and social networks, celebrity culture etc. has warped our views of what constitutes an exciting or glamorous life, of the things to which we should aspire. I've deleted all of my social media apps in favour of this forum, and I intend on making time for myself to do the hobbies I enjoy, or meeting friends for a coffee, going for a walk, any simple pleasure that can brighten up the day. My plan is to distract my mind from becoming restless and bored or frustrated by planning ahead with healthy outlets and channeling these activities so as to replace my drinking with better, beneficial and life enhancing coping mechanisms rather than damaging drinking which is already slowly starting to impact the good things in my life in a really awful and irreversible way.

I hope this helps. I am finding huge solidarity and support from SR already (new here, Day 4 today for me), I am sure you will find the same.

Just take it one day/week at a time, and try to focus on setting a plan of action.

The very first post I wrote on SR contained exactly the same sentiment.
Man, I'd lived so long with booze, I couldn't imagine a life without it.

I completely dismissed out of hand, the notion of actually being able to have fun without booze. Impossible, I thought. Impossible, I wrote.

From memory, it was Doggonecarl who replied telling me that I would come to realise what a ridiculous statement that was, if I just gave sobriety a chance.

So, I'll suggest the same to you Cocoabeano, I'm over a year and a half sober now and I can tell you for naught, wild horses couldn't drag me back to drinking.

The pure joy of living fully, in the present moment and being aware of everything round me, is a better buzz than hoovering with a glass of wine ever could be. And the happiness on my children's faces when they talk to me and they know I'm listening and am engaging with them is a simple pleasure indeed.

It's a myth that you can't have fun without booze. Myth . Lie. Myth.

Lie.

:-)

One other thought:

I've had loads of fun in the over three years I've been sober.

A LOT of fun.

And.... none of that fun landed me in jail, ended with me vomiting violently, left me shaking and unable to function, cost me any relationships, left me in crushing debt or stuck me in a quivering pile of shame.

I can't say the same for the 'fun' I had on booze and drugs.

"Everything is better sober."

My soon to be fiance says I said this to him on our first date last summer. He recalls that he "didn't quite believe me, but wanted to know more." He completely agrees with that sentiment now- and started doing so maybe 90 days in....

For me, I was so sick and my life was completely out of control when I quit that I could only start by just getting well. Thoughts of "fun" and not having it just weren't relevant because I had to be DONE drinking (have you decided that, yet? done for good?) and just find out what would be on the other side.

I can tell you that the REAL life I have now is infinitely better and more fulfilling, and certainly plenty fun-filled - I wouldn't be getting engaged or have found our first home as a family of three with a step daughter I love, or leading a restaurant-industry recovery group, or running and doing yoga regularly or....just being sober to do whatever the mood strikes in addition to the things I need to do as a healthy adult functioning in society.....

I hope you choose sobriety- you and your family and just everything will be so much better for it.

It was only with quite a bit of reflection that I realized, despite drinking every day for the last 3 years, there had only been 2-3 times when it was actually fun.

The hard part for me is knowing that I can't go back to drinking for fun - not only was it not really fun, but if I were drinking I would get so focused on the harm I could be doing to myself, will I withdrawal badly again, neuropathy, etc. etc. So the hard part is finding those other things for gratification.

While I don't have a silver bullet, I have discovered new things: AA group with a fellowship dinner to follow, meditation, and picking up old hobbies that my addiction had pushed away (fishing, exercise, surfing, hiking). It's not a perfect replacement yet, but it shows signs of getting there.

This ^^^^^^

I recently attended a wedding where I did not know a lot of people. I expected that I would stay close to those I did know and hope we left early.

As it turned out, I had the best time talking to a variety of new people and when my people came up and said a cab had been called, I was reluctant to leave because I was having so much fun!

It would have been a much uglier story if I were still drinking. :a043:

boring and fun is all in my perception.
first thing this morning i went out and watered my garden and plants, then took a few minutes to sit on the deck to watch the birds at the feeders and diggin for food in the lawn.
some would say that was boring, but i enjoyed it.

What will you tell one of your children when they ask you that question in 20 years?

I have struggled with this question also and then I got to thinking I pretty much only drank after work so that's 2 hours at best since I don't get home till 7PM. I get up at 5AM so that's 14 waking hours of not drinking. And during those 14 hours I do have fun and joy and great conversations and prayer etc.. Especially when I didn't drink the night before. So it began to ring untrue to me that I could no longer have fun or enjoyment because 90% of my day was fun except when I drank the night before. This was a true light bulb moment for me and helped me to see the fallacy of needing wine for anything! Its like at the end of the movie Labyrinth when she says "you have no power over me" with such surprise in that simple truth. Wine you have no power over me!!

Your post speaks volumes to me. I'm on day 10 of sobriety. I seem to be past the withdrawal phase, so I'm happy about that. I've managed to keep myself busy, I'm getting a lot done around the house and my performance at work has improved greatly.

However, I still have the same thought process that you mentioned. I don't mean in a moment when my mind is convincing me that I need to drink, I mean when I'm at my most introspective and not even struggling with the desire to get drunk. I spent so many years getting drunk every day I don't even know who I am now. I don't want to be a drunk any more and I'm doing great at remaining sober, but I feel completely lost. I sort of feel as though I just left an abusive spouse. I know I'm doing the right thing and that my life will be better without it, but at the same time it was all I ever knew and I miss it.

Coco,
You might find out you'll have No Time to be bored if you:
Get a sponsor, work the steps, join a home group, eventually do service and reach out to others. In addition to your family obligations, with all there is to do in "early sobriety", there is no time to be bored.

That was my experience. And actually still is--too much to do to be bored. Besides meetings, sponsoring, being sponsored, having a commitment, I get to live a life beyond my wildest imagination.

If you put in the work, you'll get the results. Doesn't happen by just not drinking and going to a few meetings.

Completely natural to feel that way on day 10. If you still feel that way at day 100 you've sat around on your duff too long.

Get action. Do things. Be sane. Don't fritter away your time. Create. Act. Take a place wherever you are and be somebody. Get action.
- Theodore Roosevelt