Back at day 1
 

I don't know how to do this. I've been trying to get past day one again for the last two weeks. Every day just keeps ending in the same repeat of the day before. I'm embarrassed to admit this.

I can't do AA. This would be so much easier if I could. Some bad things happened there when I was a teen and I just can't imagine being a part of that. What I am doing isn't working. Even from the inside, I can see it for the insanity that it is. I'm stuck on repeat again.

I feel broken and angry and lost right now. I don't have anyone to talk about this with.

Post here as often as you like, don't be shy about it!

It will help you, AND others who are in the same boat.

You're not alone in this!

Since day one seems to be the sticking point, why don't you figure out what your routine is around drinking and make a plan to do other things that won't trigger it. If you're a drink alone at home person (raises hand), plan a week's worth of evenings that get you out of the house and doing other things that don't involve alcohol--gym, movies, museums, whatever. If you're a drink at bars type, make evening appointments for hair, training, coffee with nondrinking friends, whatever fits your life so you know you'll be letting others down if you don't show up.

All of this presupposes that you haven't experienced severe withdrawal symptoms, in which case get yourself to your doctor first and foremost?

And of course, get all of the alcohol out of the house. No saving anything back because it's expensive, or you'll gift it to someone, etc. etc. Out. Down the drain.

You can do this!

Thanks columbus. I appreciate the positive reminder. It's so easy to just complain and whine about my situation. I need to get back on my feet and start walking again. The first few steps are the hardest ones.

I understand. Everyday I would say - I'm not going to drink again but by 6 I was finishing work, going to my local shop and buying my usual 2 bottles of wine, not able to look the shop assistant in the eye, hating myself.

I had to change my routine, I took some sick days, I left my bank cards at home and I literally had £1 to put in for the 7th tradition when I attended meetings. I knew I had to do something, sobriety wasn't going to knock on my door and say....I'm here! I had to fight for it.

You can do it. You really can.
X

Freudian AA slip?

something to not think about

God bless

:tyou

Hi Mangoman,

Glad you are here and posting. There are lots of paths to recovery, AA isn't the only one.

Here is a link that Dee shares it is a good one. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Aries has some great suggestions for moving forward one day at a time. Start. Y figuring out what you are going to do to stay sober tonight. If you need to spend the night reading and posting on here.

You can do this.

Have you considered other meeting based recovery groups like SMART Recovery or LifeRing, mangoman?

D

How are you doing Mangoman?

Haha...you caught me on that one.

Right back in the same place. Wishing I would have taken the time to read these posts yesterday. It was a crazy busy day at work. By the time it was done my autopilot brain had my driving home with a bottle of vodka between my legs. I hate this version of me. I know I can be so much more than this.

I'm going to take the advice of leaving my bank cards home today. That's a great idea. I'll take lunch with me. I'll go for a swim this afternoon to let off some steam. Why does it feel like I'm trying to play trickery with another version of myself? I wake up as the good me, but the other me takes over around 4 PM.

Thanks for the great advice everyone.

I just looked into this. The only local meeing is a SMART group that is private. This board really has been the best think I have found for trying to have a conversation with others about this.

We've all been there...and it does feel like we're helplessly watching as someone hijacks our bodies. I believe that there's some truth to it, that addiction is on such a primal, survival level of our brains that it overrides all of our higher level mental processes.

For me, being a pragmatic type, it really helped to research how alcohol affects our biochemistry and exactly how it takes over the neurotransmitters on a molecular level. There are so many layers of morality and emotions and societal influences on top of alcoholism that for me, understanding that addiction is at its core a biochemical process really helps. We're not weak and evil...our brain cells are maladapted and the cure for that part is to stop ingesting alcohol.

You can do this.

I agree 100%. I've always been a very strong willed person who can do a lot! But I could not stop drinking for a looong time. Understanding the science of it helps.

So true. Another eye opener is the view of civilization from the perspective of alcohol consumption. It has been said to coincide with war and slaving.

Oh, so much this. It felt so baffling to want to be doing something different but feeling unable to do anything different. Keep posting.

This is how I felt as well. I have always been able to accomplish every single thing I have set my mind to so WHY couldn't I manage my drinking? Thanks for this, going to do some research.

If you just can't do AA maybe support from a local church would help.
Possibly call one and ask to meet with a Pastor or Elder.
Our church has counseled many drunks and addicts
and we sponsor at this time a couple of men that we helped get into rehab.
Both of those men are now coming up on one year sober.
M-Bob

This exactly for me as well. The first time I really accepted I couldn't drink was after reading excerpts from "Under The Influence". There is a sticky thread at the top of the Alcoholism Forum. You CAN get through that first day. Arm yourself.

Mangoman. Hoping it all goes well with you today. I was very much a 'steady' daily drinker (rather than weekend warrior) and can really relate to how hard it is to get to day 1. 'Tomorrow' was always the answer for me. Good idea to leave money at home!