Mangoman - FYI SMART also do online meetings if you wanted to give it a try. There's one pretty much every day here in the UK, i'd imagine its the same for you 'over the pond' :) They do advise you have a headset for your PC though.

May I suggest reading lots of books on giving up drinking. ...one may resonate and stick. ... I read loads till one just ticked a box and tilted my thiking...and now I'm on 29 days... plenty of day 1s for me 1st.... tool up your brain mangoman! You can do it .....

Hi mangoman, sorry that you are struggling. I really agree with AriesAgain's first post about organizing a few things to break your usual routine.

Good luck

I would contact the facilitator of that meeting.

I'm just guessing but Private might mean, like Closed AA meetings, that the meeting is closed to family and friends etc, not addicts/alcoholics.

I'd think it unlikely, but if it is in fact closed to new members, maybe the facilitator can suggest other meetings?

D

I tried the 'leave cards and money at home' tactic, worked for a week or so and then it didn't :(
Checking in on this site multiple times a day has really assisted in my path to maintaining sobriety. I also needed professional help (inpatient for 3 weeks) which for me personally was my saving grace. I had to finally accept that I couldn't stop my destructive behaviour in my normal environment, I needed a kick start. One of the scariest and best decisions I made. Wish I had done it much sooner.
I hope you find your way to stop :)

How are you this morning, mangoman?

Lots of good thoughts here. One question that came to mind- you mention busy work stuff, but what about family and friends who can help? Spend time with you, help occupy these first few days, help with accountability?

I was VERY sick when I quit so the beginning weeks were about getting well (starting to, that is!). I spent most of my time at home, with dr visits and my parents as the only people I was around plus meetings (and I didn't speak for probably 100 days). I am an AAer and did about 82 mtgs in 90 days (AA suggests a 90/90 plan to get started).....whether you "Can" do AA (many of us resisted it for eons only to find it was the best thing we ever decided to do) or not, some kind of a plan of action is critical, most of us have found.

One thing ScottFromWisconsin always says around here (others do too)- we never know when/if we have another day one in us. Making that last one stick is critical.

Good luck.

Only way I got sober was with help.
Finally reached out and got help. In my case from my GP.
Do you have anyone in your life to ask? How about a structured program, outpatient or inpatient? Most health insurance will cover this now.

Right now, I don't have support. I'm in a pinch there. If I reveal my problem, all will be lost. I can't explain because it is complicated. I know, everybody has a sob story.

It got worse. A drunken slip on the ice last week put a crack in my spine. Since then it's been a fifth of vodka and many lortabs per day. I don't know how to go on and I don't know how to stop. I wish it would just stop.

If you keep drinking your problem will be inevitable and eventually revealed too.

It looks like this board is your only support - also looks like you haven't posted for about a week.

You're going to have to put in more effort if you want to change mangoman.
No eggs broken equals no omlette.

I'm not castigating you btw - just sharing that I had to really commit myself to not drinking.

That same determination that saw me walk through tropical storms to get more beer had to be applied to not drinking too.

D

I am not a doctor and do not give medical advice here, but -- Yikes! A fifth of vodka and many lortabs a day!

That is a VERY dangerous combination. You are risking your life! Please Get help now!

If nothing else go back to the doctor who gave you the lortab and tell him about mixing it with alcohol. Do it ASAP. It sounds like to me that at this point everything else in your life, however "complicated", must be secondary to addressing your addiction if you want to survive.

Sorry it's so tough Mangoman. As Dee says, this isn't something you can hide for ever. As it gets worse people will start to notice things. Better to tell selected people (like your GP) on your own terms.

It sounds like you've tried everything you can without getting any local support. If that hasn't worked then maybe it is time to see this is so serious that getting sober may be worth any short-term cost that it takes. The long-term cost of alcoholism is dreadful.

You are right. This is insane. I just flushed the rest of my meds. I just refilled them today...and it wasn't for the pain anymore. Thanks for the reality check.

Hi Mangoman,
your initial post about having some history with AA reminded me of an event a few years ago. A friend's partner, an alcoholic, had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. In his last days he let me know he wanted to talk. There were some things he wanted to get of his chest.

He had been sober on his own power more than twenty years. He said he had been miserable for most of that time, like the classic dry drunk we hear talked about. It had not been a happy sobriety.

Like you he had ruled out AA. He had a good reason. His father had been a sober member of AA for many years and was well thought of in the fellowship. Mr AA was the term he used. But at home it was a different story. The man was a dry drunk tyrant, and life was pretty miserable in these circumstances. He naturally had a poor impression of AA and didn't think an organisation who produced someone like his father, could possibly be any good.

The harm his father did was thereby extended into my friend's sobriety and robbed him of a real chance at happiness. Ruling out AA had been a big mistake, he felt.

Thanks for sharing that story, Gottalife. It definitely resonates with me. There is a bad taste in my mouth keeping me away.

I've decided on approaching a friend of mine who quite drinking a year ago. We might find some helpful common ground.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I'm going to get through today. Just this one day for now.

Hows it going Mangoman?

mangoman, today is my day 9, and although I don't have many days under my belt I do have to say that a workout routine does help with the cravings. I usually work out in the morning, and in the evening I have been going to the pool and soaking in the hot tub. It calms and relaxes me. I was thinking this may help you too. Keep posting and coming here. I dedicate some time in the morning and in the evening. Tonight is an online SR meeting. I went to one Friday and there is some really good topics and advice from others that may also help. That's tonight at 9 eastern time. Best of luck with this, choose a different path tonight. You will feel so much better in the morning.

I think that is an excellent plan. Pairing up with a friend who quit drinking. I so feel for you. So glad you tossed the meds...once you stop using them for pain but continue taking them you are in the land of cross addiction. I think something I want to share is one of the things I used. It is a visualization ...picture the drink (mine went from beer ...to wine...to whiskey...then RUM) as poison because it really is. Each time you take a sip you can see your liver react as if you poured acid on it. It really worked for me. You can come up with your own. And in real life...I am sure I was on the way to destroying my liver. Not ready to get it checked out yet. Hopefully it is on my list to do in the future. Right now I want to continue on with more and more sober days. Thinking of you Mangoman.

I can understand that. AA doesn't work for everyone. I don't do AA either. Just stay close to SR when you feel weak and try to read/post a LOT. It helps me stay sober, personally, and you will feel better supporting people going through what you are going through! :)