Finally had enough
 

Hello everyone. I am trying something that I've wanted to do for years. I want to stop being an alcoholic and today is day zero. I've been drinking for at least 20 years. It has been a roller coaster, some years I had more control and didn't drink a lot, some years I can barely remember and not sure how I survived. I seemed to have stopped the binge, party, wake up somewhere strange drinking . But I have replaced it with a steady flow of alcohol on a nightly basis to "calm down" from a stressful , or the 6 beers while cutting the lawn, to the 12 pack while on the golf course. I've basically associated everything that I enjoy to do with alcohol. I'm tired of it, I want to stop and I feel like it will help me to be able to reach out to people that are further down the path than I am. Day zero begins for me and I want to be successful.

Welcome Bowski.. ur where I was. Life is so much better without the beer.. and trust me, it only gets worse from where you are now. But you will need a plan, and support, or the best intentions fade when you start to feel a little better, or the guys offer you a cold one. This forum saved me.. I suggest joining the August 2016 class, and checking in a lot. Also AA is helpful if you need face to face support. Good luck man, you can do it if you really want it.

Hey there Bowski - You have the best support in world here. I am amazed at the people and their knowledge and compassion.

I was drinking a lot too for many years ,,,

Had enough and Quit cold turkey last January.

I have had slips.... But today I can proudly say that I am over 1 month sober.

Best to you!!

Welcome, Bowski!! You've come to the right place. I, too, have struggled with alcoholism pretty much my whole adult life. I've had a few blessed times in recovery--went 8 years without a drink at one point--but I'm back again and the last time I started drinking again it got worse than it's ever been. Had my last drink 20 days ago and I'm starting to feel much better. It hasn't been easy. The first few days were terrible but I got through it and so can you. Life is so much simpler now that I've taken alcohol out of the equation. I no onger have to worry about how I'm going to get my next drink, when I'm going to get my next drink, where I'm going to get my next drink, how much I'm going to drink, whether I'm safe to drive, if people will know I'm drunk, if I'm going to be able to wake up in the morning.... The list goes on and on. Today I'm just not going to drink. One day at a time and the days keep adding up.

Hang in there. Keep reading and posting. There is a lot of support right here--all you have to do is ask. And please do join us on the August 2016 thread! We're a great team. You'll be welcomed with open arms...

Thank you for the kind words and the warm welcome. I do fear the urge for a drink after a few days when I'm feeling normal(or what I think is normal) . I think I've been drinking for so long, I either do not have hangovers or I live in a perpetual hangover and do not even know what normal feels like. I've stopped for a week or two before and feel fine and of course my mind tricks me and tells me "you've got this under control, just have two beers" and of course two on day one grows into the same 6,8,10,12 within a week or two.

Welcome! SR is a great place.

Congrats on taking the first step to a more fulfilling life. I've only been clean just under 6 months, but I am so much more present in things that I do. It can be overwhelming and trippy at times, but it's worth it. It's all about growing...

Associating all things pleasureable with booze. Yes, that's me. It is an uphill battle but it does get easier. I am even finding little bits of enjoyment here and there. 103 days sober and fighting on. Good luck.

Welcome Bowski

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Welcome. Glad you're here. Your story is the same as mine.

Any tips tonyblue? Today has been tough, especially right after work. Mowed the lawn and managed to stay sober. Trying to not to think about a cold one as much as possible. Having some hot flashes and a little pain in the abdomen. But heck that could be old age as well lol. Thank you everyone for the encouraging words !

Welcome to SR!

glad youre here, bowski.
one thing that caught my attention:
"I want to stop being an alcoholic "
welp, once yer a pickle ya cant go back to being a cucumber
but it is possible to be a sober alcoholic in recovery.
tips suggestions? look into recovery programs
look at the link soberwolf posted.


getting sober isn't easy. very simple concept-don't drink. but not easy.
and usually involves action and change.

staying sober is easy.

Welcome to SR!! The first few days, especially the first weekend are tough, but each day gets better. Check in here often, post before you drink. You can do this!

Welcome bowski :)

I used to do everything with a beer. so I know what it's like...I also know we can absolutely leave that life behind :)

great to have you join us :)

D

Hey,

I've been there too. Drinking became so much a part of my evening that I literally had no idea what to do without it. I knew life could be better without it because I felt really terrible all the time. The only time I didn't have a serious headache was in the evening with my first drink of many.

It was no way to live.

My advice is to take it one day at a time. It can be hard to think about never drinking again that once you start to get used to life getting better and better without alcohol then you stop missing it as much.

I had also reached the point where I knew life couldn't get any worse sober than continuing to drink the way I did.

I had some pretty strong evidence too behind this hunch. My evidence was everybody I know who is not an alcoholic. They look good, they feel good, they lead lives independent of a substance that makes them sick. They are healthy.

Not sure if I want to start a new thread for this, but did wanted to talk about my last drunken day. I'm work in retail so naturally I get days off in the middle of the week usually. On my one day off I decided to go play golf with a friend, which of course meant it was time to "pack the cooler with some aiming fluid" as usual. Tee off was 10am, figured I'd drink some water until the back nine and crack a beer. Yeah that lasted all of the amount of time it took to load the golf cart and I decided to drink the two beers that wouldn't fit in the cooler while sitting in the parking lot before teeing off. Fast forward 4.5 hours and 10 of the 12 beers are gone with 2 left for the ride home (bad decision as usual) by this point I'm feeling invincible and it's barely 1pm. Time for a shower and some downtime watching tv or something before the wife gets home at 6pm(gotta drink a few more before she gets home) I didn't want to hear about it. Didn't want to hear the concern for my health that I referred to as nagging if she saw me with beer in hand. So 4 hours and another 8-10 (who's counting at this point anyway) go by and it's 5pm, time to get up and get my s*it together before the misses gets home. I actual had the thought that I could act semi sober after that many beers. Wife arrives home, I'm trying to be sociable and ask about her day, she asks how many beers did I have golfing? 4-5 of course. It didn't take long for me to feel guilty bc I knew she saw through my BS instantly. She tried to be nice, caring, oblivious to my state of mind and the more she did that, the worse I felt for letting her down again. The emotions of guilt, denial, sorrow I felt for where I was soon turned into anger and resentment towards bc "she shouldn't judge me" " I'm a grown man and will do what I want, I have control". Needless to say, I ended up starting an argument and being a jacka** to her yet again before passing out. I cannot continue doing this, and I have to take control back, I know I'm ruining my health and my marriage. Just wanted to get this out here.

50th hour winding down. Managed to not give in to the temptation after a stressful day at work, came close to having "one" to take the edge off.

Congratulations on 2 days Bowski!