I keep relapsing
 

I relapsed again this weekend. I don't know...i went on autopilot and bought 3 bottles of wine and drank them all over the weekend.
I think it's because my recovery plan is all wrong. OK...it's not wrong - I just don't follow it....OK-- I don't have a plan to follow. That's the honest truth. I don't even know what a plan looks like.
I need help.

I'm glad you know you need to change things a bit. There is lots of information here, so I'm sure you will find something that works for you:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

I'm glad you're still on here. Keep working at it. How many consecutive sober days have you strung together? Consider posting some thoughts about how you're going to get through the next few days. Do you have anyone with you that can help and hold you accountable? Long term you have to do it your self, but to get you going that might help.

Perhaps you could seek some outside help para? If you cannot quit on your own, some structure might help? By outside help I mean Meetings, rehab or perhaps counseling?

I am VERY early in, so I am certainly no expert, but my failures in the past have been due to a lack of plan and not following a plan, and just going on autopilot as you stated.

I am seeking medical help, but otherwise my plan is not sophisticated right now. The cravings are so bad for me that I can't be anywhere alcohol is right now. All booze in the house has been removed. I drive a new way home from work so I can't stop at my favorite bars. I am keeping my days filled with plans (extra work, yoga class, meeting) so that there is no wiggle room or free time. I skipped some parties this weekend because I am just not strong enough yet to be near alcohol.

It sounds like house arrest, which it kind of feels like. I just need to get sober time under my belt. Everyone here says the cravings subside/it gets easier, so I am putting in the time on the front end in hopes that with enough consecutive days sober, I will have fewer cravings and be able to be "out and about" again. Not bars, but other places where alcohol exists (grad parties, get together, family events, etd)

The autopilot is scary. I can't even trust myself to follow a plan - I guess thats why you get someone to keep you accountable.
I have the tools-but I am stubborn and refusing to use them.
I'm going to dust myself off and get back on the sober wagon.

Definitely get rid of any alcohol you have in the house. Also, make a plan for how you will spend your free time. I kept myself completely busy the first few weeks so I didn't have the time to drink. Walk, yoga, read, Netflix... Anything to keep your mind occupied.

If you feel you can't do it on your own there are lots of face to face meetings or counseling to help as well.

You've got to really want it. As in tears and utter despair type stuff. Then you've got to adopt the attitude of whatever it takes. You must make sobriety your number 1 priority every minute of every day. I do a meeting every day. I'm an alcoholic 24 hours a day and I won't risk it. I go on SR every day. I pray every day, several times a day in my head or out loud. You can't mess around with this stuff, it'll kick your *** every time. Get serious and you'll get the sobriety you deserve and the life to match.

Para, you can do this. We all have that auto pilot in us. I know I do as well. You also have enough willpower to break this cycle. Use all of the resources you have to help you through. Reach out here as soon as you feel your auto pilot coming into play. We can't help you through your weak points unless you give us a shot.

You're not alone in this, but you've got to commit to yourself. Next time you feel yourself getting weak, have a plan in place of what you will do so that you avoid drinking.

Start doing whatever it takes to remain sober I don't believe in autopilots you made a choice sorry if this sounds harsh but start looking at the choices your making if you don't won't to drink you won't

I'll echo SW on this one.

All of my 'autopilot' moments were preceded by a conscious and sometimes audible 'f it!'.

In other words, I CHOSE to relapse. I CHOSE not to pivot away from alcohol and do the work of change.

When I really CHOSE sobriety, it started to happen. When I'd honestly decided to EMBRACE SOBRIETY AND LIFE (As opposed to 'try to quit') then relapsing came to an end.

I turned my stubbornness into an asset when I used it to refuse to give in to the alcoholic voice in my head.

A strong desire to quit and a good solid plan is essential. We can't just wing it with sobriety. Anna's links above really helped me a lot with some good tools in my sobriety toolbox to beat down those cravings to drink when they arise.

One thing that really helped me was committing to post here every morning at the start of the day. Initially I committed to do that for 28 days... And doing so and visiting here often through the day helped to start to modify old behaviors.

I had SR on the ready and close. Reading other people's relapse/recovery stories helped me a ton. I would get on many many times a day and just read. Second I just got so sick of the relapse loop I decided in the deepest part my my being that I'm done and no matter what drink is not an option I can take. It's just not an option anymore.

Why not give the links on Dee's thread a read ... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Well done for recognising what you need to do, and finding the necessary honesty to accept responsibility for your own sobriety. That in itself is a big step. When we stop making excuses we can start making plans and making progress.

Onwards and upwards eh.

the start of you new plan can begin witt admitting and accepting your way-with all the stubborness- sucks and will eventually kill ya.

thenwant to get and stay sober.
youve been needing to for some time now.

I think this is where your issue is Para. The other question is, why do you allow yourself to pick up if you're wanting to get sober? What are the rationalizations that are going through your head when you're picking up alcohol and then allowing yourself to drink? I had to really battle those rationalizations and not allow myself to pick up no matter what I was feeling. It is hard and we've all been there, but it will get easier, but you have to use the tools. :hug:

Hi Para, I can definitely relate. I was a chronic relapser, just on and on and on and on for years. I finally went to rehab and it got me on track. I really wish I had accepted my problem was "that bad" and gone sooner. I did try other things first and was able to stay clean for some periods of time, but nothing has changed my life and thinking and turned off that feeling of being on auto-piglet like going to rehab.
If you really can't stick to a plan then it would be a good option for you. In rehab you have no way of getting your hands on alcohol- you have to get clean and then you learn the tools to stay clean.
Wishing you the very best. We are all here for you.

You can do this! Don't be discouraged. Every time you relapse is one time closer to quitting it for good. I believe that. The fact that you've tried to quit means that you have the desire to. One day that desire to quit will permanently override the desire to drink.

For me, it took years of relapsing. I tried quitting six or seven times before I stopped for good. I can't (and won't) boast, because I am still very new into recovery, but I know I feel different this time around. You'll know when that time comes too. Don't give up on yourself. Quitting is a process, just like living is a process.

One thing that I believe made the difference for me this time around was that I realized that I was missing the accountability component. When I quit before, I had done it alone. I hadn't gone to counseling or attended an AA group (or some other similar recovery group). Therefore, I was only accountable to myself. And that was no good. I already knew I couldn't do it myself, as was evidenced by how many times I had relapsed. This time, I go to a counselor weekly, and attend a WFS group once a week. Both have made all the difference in the world. I don't feel alone. The in-person one-on-one accountability component is what did it.

Think about it: If we had a choice to never work again, because our bosses wouldn't care whether or not we went into work - how willing would we be to go?

Think about children: If they had a choice as to whether or not they could go to school on any given day, with no repercussions for not going - who would actually go?

We all need to have a sense of accountability. Not only to ourselves, but to others. I believe that makes a world of difference in recovery.

Keep it up! You can do this!