Before I get drunk.
 

Posting because I feel triggered. Kentucky Derby has always had a special place for me. I had a big crush on Donna Brothers (used to be Donna Barton) when I worked at our local horse racing track. I'd talk to her every day, now she's a big star. And I'm an out of work alcoholic. yay me.

Jeff, I think you've worked too hard to go back down that road! Try thinking of all the things you're grateful for by being sober. You can do this.

Romantizing the Derby is the same as romantizing alcohol. A trick of the addicted brain. Rein in those thoughts. Pun intended.

" Out of work alcoholic"

For starters, you don't have to be an actively drinking alcoholic. You can choose to not drink at this moment and make that decision consistently for the rest of your life.

Once you aren't drinking, it becomes a lot easier to tackle the out of work part.

Don't be your own enemy, you already know drinking isn't the answer..otherwise you wouldn't have posted here in the first place.

You can do this! Find something to keep you busy or call someone who won't be drinking and do ANYTHING with them, just to keep you busy

You're a sober alcoholic today...and you will be glad of it tomorrow. Donna may be on TV, but you are carving a badass path yourself, which is recovering from addiction.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I would love one of those amazing hats, though. :lmao

How about turn off the TV, toss the ball around with the dog instead or take a walk? I'm glad you posted. ((((Jeff))))

double post.

Self pity can be as addictive as any booze. C'mon man - snap out of it Jeff.

D

Hoping you got past feeling tempted, Jeff. There's nothing in it for us anymore. :hug:

It's your decision what you are. Are you a sober man of dignity and self-respect who can be trusted by his wife and friends? If that's what you are today, that's what you can be tonight, tomorrow, and the next day.

Don't drink.

Don't do it, and you wont regret it.

thomas11, you've been down this road many times. The situations are different, but the thoughts of whether to drink or not over them is the same. I think you're reaching out for help here before drinking is great, but if you're completely honest with yourself, you know where that one drink will lead.
Speaking for myself, if I decide to drink, it has nothing to do with anything going on. If I drink, it's because I want to drink. I don't see many things in life that are black or white, but this is definitely one of them. I hope you make the right choice. John

Hi Jeff,

Glad you posted instead of drinking. I had a fleeting thought of a glass of wine yesterday, the first in a while. I can tell you I am very glad today that I didn't act on it.

I love the Derby and horse racing as well. We watched the race, and Iost, but the day was alcohol free.

Post to let us know how you are doing.

❤️ Delilah

This

it's just a stupid horse race, and that's your AV talking in your ear again

Remind yourself of how bad it was, health, relations, finances and whatever was impacted. Remind yourself of how alcoholism only gets worse, it never gets better. Will you feel better tomorrow if you drink? It ain't worth it!!

All roads lead to Rome.

You're still lost in the mist of seeing the value of drinking, even at times the necessity to do so. In your OP, the suggestion is, again, that drinking would somehow enhance the experience of the Kentucky Derby, which echoes your previous comments around drinking during March Madness, college and professional football, camping and hunting. Many of your comments include some kind of tip-of-the-hat to drinking, sometimes reluctantly, and other times with vigor. It was "invaluable" to people of great achievement; necessary to close important business deals; or to improve upon some social activity. You also make it a point in many of your comments to remind us that you "only drank on weekends," suggesting some lingering doubt on your part.

If you drink, you don't get extra credit for posting about it in advance.

I don't know what it will take for you to engage in a more formal type of support beyond SR, but I hope it isn't another relapse.

You know what you need to do. Drinking is never the good choice. Never.

I would consider being an out of work abstinent alcoholic as batting .500. And being an out of work drinking alcoholic as being 0 for 2.

Sober, but kind of down and bummed out. Thanks everyone, but your energy would be better spent elsewhere.

Honey, mint juleps are NASTY. As for the Derby...it's an awful lot of hoopla for something that lasts two whole minutes and smells like manure. Not worth drinking over, that's for sure.

Hang in there!

Jeff, you can get through this.

Ah no don't drink. I sit here, day 4, after wicked bender. GI Tract hurts so much from barfing I can't swallow ibuprofen. You don't want this. And I'm down too. But so grateful to be sober. My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. Hang in there. Relapse is horrid.....and for me deadly. Don't fall as low as I have.

Jeff whats bought this self pity on?

D

Do something different. It may not be too late to get to an AA meeting, and there will certainly be meetings tomorrow. And the next day. Like you and many others, I had all kinds of preconceptions about going to AA when I first got sober. My first thought was, "I can't believe I'm going to AA!" I was afraid that they might teach you how to control your drinking. It was the last thing I wanted. I was also terrified that I might see someone I know. An AA friend of mine at the time said, "If you do, they're there for the same reason you are."

I did meet meet people I knew. I was working as a bartender at a local place, so it was bound to happen. I told the first guy I knew there (a co-worker) that I came "for the gift shop." My first meeting lifted my spirits and left me looking forward to my next meeting. As for the people I knew...I came to learn that I wasn't an important enough person (beyond my own self-assessment) for other people to break my anonymity.

NYC can be a very small town. I met several public figures, among them celebrities, at some of the meetings I attended, including James Taylor, who is open about his recovery and his participation in AA.

The worst thing that could happen if you were to go is that you won't feel as down as you currently seem to feel.

Thomas-don't drink. All that you've been through the last year has been a result of your drinking. Considering you're thinking about drinking despite what you've been through, that is how much this disease has a hold on you.

As Nonsensical says, "Starve the beast"!

Stay strong Thomas! :hug:

The pendulum will swing and this will pass. Talk to us.

What is going on?

Keep your eye on the prize and use all your tools.

Don't let that AV win!!!

Thomas, this is such a change from the supportive posts you made just 24 hours ago in someone else's thread. Are you prone to severe mood swings, and are you seeing a doctor about them?

Or maybe all that's needed is some acceptance of the discomfort and some patience. This mood won't last forever.

If you're still feeling bummed, maybe just go to bed early this evening and enjoy the fresh sober morning tomorrow.

I'm sure you know how difficult it is to get free of that molecular parasite, so please don't throw yourself back into that prison.

Best wishes to you!

Second that. I had thoughts of drinking myself this evening, but not intentions. I guess its because I missed my train (it just never came came along)

And the last time that happened I drank 16 cans, then slept half the night in the copshop and the other half on the street. This time I caught a bus...

^^^^^ So well said, courage.

I am catching this thread late, Jeff; you are worth the time spent by members on their responses times a thousand. See the great value in yourself that we see and treat yourself accordingly - don't succumb to the empty and deceptive promises of alcohol.

Thanks Dharma. You can get one of those hats. I see so many of my "friends" with those hats today. I guess they are amazing.

you nailed it. self pity.