Need Change
 

I don't know what happened last night but I decided to consume alcohol and was confident up to that point that I wouldn't. I even put my husband on hold to go out and buy the booze I originally poured out.

It wasn't much but that is not the freaking point. I haven't been to work now in over a week. I'm starting to think my job is my trigger.

I've tried contacting some therapists but they are all busy and unable to take on another client. I'm starting to get discouraged.

I'm not trying to make this a whiny post but I am so disappointed in myself. It's hard not to beat myself up and it is so easy to continue to isolate as I have no friends or family. They are all alcohol/drug friends.

I want to get out of this bed but it is so hard. I know it's not impossible I just won't do it.

Pray for willingness.
Is there a reason you haven't been to work in a week? Are you on vacation? Call in sick? Or just not going?
I suggest getting out of bed and going to an AA meeting....tell someone how you are feeling.

Hugs to you. This gets better if you stay sober.

Im on FMLA for depression and anxiety.

Are you on medication for your depression?
Are you physically ill now from the drinking?
Can you get to a meeting?

Do one thing right now for your recovery. Just one thing.
Google AA meetings in your area.
Call AA central service.

Do something.

Hugs to you. You can get through this.

You titled your post, Need Change.

I agree. Change seems to be the one thing you haven't done. Maybe its time to incorporate those changes that will support getting and staying sober.

Start by getting up and getting dressed.

Then maybe look for an AA meeting.

Im not ill from drinking (I don't drink enough) just horribly depressed. I tried to find another therapist again but I was only able to make an appointment for a psychiatrist for May. I was hoping for something sooner and more a psychologist as I need to talk to someone who knows how bad depression can be. I am on medications for depression.

Sometimes, I just want to give up. I am grateful that I have you lovely people to talk with but I need some face to face support right now. I like the idea of AA but this has to be private as I am a certified substance abuse counselor. I will for sure lose my job which is probably fair.

I'd be wary of putting the emphasis on work as a 'trigger'. If you're anything like me , you'd soon start to blame not having a job as a trigger if you lost it. Us alcoholics will latch on to anything as long as it provides us with something to blame. I eventually learned that the problem was me, and no one or nothing else's.

The change you need is a change of attitude. You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. It's not easy but it is simple. :)

AA meetings are private. I would assume that as a counselor you most likely recommend it to your patients all the time no? My therapist is a recovering alcoholic and she attends meetings all the time - albeit she stays away from the ones that her patient attend.

As was pointed out in your thread title change is needed. Coming up with reasons not to change is easier sometimes..but it's not going to get you the results you want.

Dont get me wrong, I drink because Im a drunk. Not dealing with my issues is because I am a drunk. Life feels unbearable right now because I am a drunk.

Only way to fix anything is to remove the alcohol.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

I recommend more than just AA but it is my go to referral. My co-workers and client's attend these meetings and I cannot be honest if I attend. I don't want to lie so that's why I am trying to get private one on one help. I have never had such a hard time getting in touch with a therapist before.

Also, I know it sounds like an excuse but it seems everytime I go to these meetings there is someone there that knows me. And as much as I love the anonymous idea that's all it really is, an idea. Some AA folks gossip.

If AA and meetings help, maybe you'll have to commit to traveling to the next town or something newhope?

There are SR chat meetings on Tuesday and Fridays at 9p EST. That could be another meeting alternative for you. You won't run into anyone that recognizes you there that are clients.

It's worth pointing out there are also online meetings for most of the meeting based methods - AA, SMART LifeRing etc :)

D

AA is supposed to be anonymous but some of its members don't understand confidentiality. :( I've been recognized by someone I saw at a meeting and they brought it up. "Hey, I saw you at a meeting..."

I would suggest the next town over, if that's possible. And the chat meetings here twice a week. And like Dee said, there are online meetings of many groups.

Im sorry that happened to you Least :(

Im trying to figure out where I could go. I work in the county over but live here in this county which fellow co-workers/clients live.

I think I may try calling 211 and see if there is a way they can help me find a therapist with my current insurance.

This is your LIFE you are trying to save! Go and listen. Clients will see that you are working recovery. That you are taking care of yourself and you walk the line. Or go to a different town. Or seek alternate recovery. Put a plan on place and save your life. you are worth it. This will also empower you to reach out and help others. Obtain relationships instead of isolating. You are doing really well admitting your feelings and reaching out here. This is a start

My brother just invited me to go out to see a movie, I could tell he was sober. I have been isolating all day and the thought of going out seems daunting it also seems necessary.

I've had half a glass of wine and do not feel drunk nor should I be at that amount. But, I will have to drive there and have a strict rule of not drinking then driving.

If I stay I will surely drink more yet part of me is telling me to dump the rest. I think I can. Whether I go or not. I hope you guys aren't mad at me over the wine as I dont want you to think I am wasting your time. But, I know nothing will change if I don't do anything right now. I needed to reach out.

Sitting in my room watching my cat sleep is not making any changes. Its just this damn depression.. Im so sick of feeling this way. I wish I had my husband to talk to but he is completely unavailable.

I am fighting for my life, or maybe I should be fighting harder. I don't know if seeing my brother tonight is a good idea but sitting here with a glass of wine and potential more glasses is obviously not a good idea either.

I am sorry and glad you kind folks are listening. Thank you.

I hope you dump the rest of the wine newhope.

I am not mad at you, but worried for you. :hug: