((Tetra)) I'm really glad you're here and thanks for your honesty even though it was a hard thing to admit. Just proves what an incredible person you are :hug:

I have been having a very difficult time lately and there are times when I have to remind myself that it is just a bad month, and not a bad life. And I know that there are people out there who have it WAY worse than I do.

Every day I wake up to another beautifully written message, another text of support:

"I know this might seem strange you don't know me in real life and I'm not sure how I became Facebook friends with you. It seems like you're going through a rough time lately. In the past some of your Facebook statuses have pulled me out of some rough times. I'm sorry that you're going through stuff and I wish I could be there for you in real life. I know times get tough and it's hard to persevere but the little moments where it's just amazing really do make it worth it. The days wearing your life just feels like it's complete ****. It's hard to look at the good things in life that little flower, that doggie kiss , the sweet treat from a friend but hold onto those moments they are so important. I wish we were friends in real life. Just remember it's ok not to be strong. I will probably never meet you. But you mean so much to me.
Sorry if this is too much. I just care".

And:

"I don't like to see you so upset. You are such a kind person and you deserve everything. I wish to see you always happy"...

Some of these people I have never met in real life, and some I have.
Sometimes you stop seeing your flesh-and-blood friends. When you aren't available for spontaneous coffee dates , trips to the mall, or weekend getaways, IRL friendships shift and change. Your interactions with people you've known for years, maybe even all your life, dwindle to a few text messages and Saturday afternoon visits.
In some ways, I prefer hanging out with my online friends than my friends in real life. I can expose my darkest secrets or the hardships I'm too ashamed to share with others without judgment. There are so many of us that at least one other person is bound to understand what I'm going through. And I don't have to look that person in the eye, I don't have to see their disappointment or pity. I get a strange joy when people "like" or comment on something I've posted, validation that something I've done matters to someone else, validation that's hard to get otherwise.
There is something deceptively trustworthy about the online platform: the personal information that barely scratches the surface, the ability to pick and choose what parts of your life to present to the world while still revealing your deepest self. People establish close relationships online because they feel more open to show who they really are, especially with the safety of virtual distance. Some argue that relationships like these don't count — how can you be friends with someone you've never met? But as society moves further away from physical interactions, recreating the bonds of friendship with others you may never see in person makes sense. It's our new "real," real friends, real life, real world. And I love these people, even if we are still just a bunch of strangers.

(((Tetra)))

I finished a late dinner about a half hour ago and still haven't smoked that last cigarette but I am about to light it up.
Surprisingly I have lasted that long after eating, usually I have one right away plus it's been 4 and a half hours since I've had a cigarette.

The letter to yourself is very beautiful tetra.

Good job SU! I have been smoking tonight, I'll continue trying not to smoke during the day.

Good news! I was saying before that my new house is right across the road from a greenhouse.
I like it there, and I decided to apply there for a part time summer job.
I cut back on clients for my business be ause it's too stressful.
Anyway, they called me in for an interview, I hope I get it.
Should be a nice chilled out summer job; and all I have to is show up and work like a normal person- no running the bloody business.
Maybe make some new friends and save some cash for fall semester at school.

Not much else new :)

I like your letter Tetra xoxo
I love my online friends too

I know that I couldn't do that, not smoking during the day then smoke at night jen.
I'm out of cigarettes, now I just have to make sure not to go buy any more ... easier said than done.

That sounds like a nice little bit of side money. Potamus might be jealous of that part-time job

Yeah I was thinking of potamus!

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Speaking of Greenhouses...

From the Concrete Patio-pouring Sidekick that we gave our old, Rat-infested Avion Trailer away to, I got this Story about where it's going to 'rest' once cleaned-up. Temporary Housing, apparently. This Gent's Wife is quitting her Bank Job of 17 Years to move and be Head Bookkeeper for this Operation.

Some Denver Millionaire who's 32 wants to be a Billionaire before turning 40. So, down in a really depressed Rural area, this Gent is setting up 8 Greenhouses to grow Pot. 50,000 sq. ft. each. As in, 500' x 100'. At 7,200' Elevation. I can't imagine the Energy usage. Medical. Recreational. Edibles. Pain Relief 'Patches' [sans any THC; as MesaMate uses]. 200 Jobs supposedly being created. Top Jobs will pay $50,000/Year.

Quite the Story here in The Wild West.

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http://i64.tinypic.com/2rptkpu.jpg

I actually used to work at this greenhouse about 14 years ago, one of my first jobs.
I'm not sure if this is a step forward or backwards haha

I wish I had a trailer and could just roam around, I've always wanted to do that, one day I hope!

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Check out 'Sisters On The Fly'. Gals & Trailers...

Just looking at it now! Very cool!

Hello ... hello ... hello

Is there anybody in there?

Haha, I'm here :)
Just watching a crime doc ( what else is new...)
Whatcha up to?

If I quit smoking and get fat; I'm going to be very angry.

Not much, trying to get my mind off of thinking about wanting a cigarette. Why is it when you don't want to think about something that's all you can think about?

Whatcha watching?

I obsess over the cigarettes too, like full on obsess about why its ok to have one, then go back on to why I shouldn't have one, and so on.
It reminds me very much of my pathetic attempts to moderate alcohol.
Now I'm trying to moderate smoking..... Good times...
Practice makes perfect I'm thinking though.

Its called murder and motives, I found it on youtube.

I'm thinking of going to a smart recovery thing this week, I've been meaning to for months- along with doing my taxes....
Have you ever been?

No, I haven't.
I've only been to a couple NA and AA meetings.

I'm gonna head to bed SU, or before I know it, 3 am will roll around on me!
Sleep well xoxo

There are no smart recovery meetings close to me