Getting used to being around alcohol
 

Ok, today I realized that realistically, I will be in situations where there's alcohol. And I refuse to run from it all my life.

My attitude towards being around cigarettes when I quit was: "I'm not going to avoid them. I'm going to be around people who smoke. I'm not going to limit myself. I'm just going to go where I want and not smoke." That was 10 years or so ago and I've never smoked again.

So I have the same attitude towards alcohol. But... this is a much heavier addiction for me, so I am working on gradually being used to being around alcohol.

Today I took the first step. I went to the alcohol section in the grocery store. Looked at the spot I'd always get my beer from. And all I felt was a hint of nausea, like my body was saying "No."

It's like when you put your hand on a table and have a hammer. The thought of smashing your hand with the hammer triggers a physical response that tells you not to do it. And you don't. And if you do, well... then you have very big problems you need to work on. :)

So I walked on and quickly forgot about it.

I'm going to be very careful with this. But it must be done. I refuse to let alcohol control my life from the other side either. Making it so I'm limited in my actions.

I have two questions for those who are ok being around alcohol and people who are drinking. How did you get to that point? And how do you feel in those situations?

I find I've made the decision to drink long before I ever go into the store.. if I'm having a non drinking day that I feel strongly about .. I can walk by alcohol without putting much thought into it.

I'm back on day 1 as you know .. so really no personal experience other than that .. my father sees beer signs, the beer trucks and the beer in the store and just thinks "It is someone elses battle now"

When it comes to alcohol I am neutral.
From the get go I had no problem being around moderate drinkers (like having lunch with a friend who might order one glass of wine).
I have little tolerance (and never had even when I was drinking myself) for drunken fools though.
I have also no problem being in situations where alcohol might get served. Should I feel uncomfortable I would have no qualms walking out social niceties be darned... my sobriety is much more important to me than pleasing people.

A few things though:
a) I do not keep any alcohol in my house.
b) I do not go to bars or to events where the main purpose is to get loaded.
c) I do not hang out with people who are getting intoxicated (mainly because I am also a friend and family member too and I find drunks obnoxious and/or boring).

With the same attitude as you! I went to a pub for my nieces birthday party and all the adults were drinking. I ordered diet coke and it didn't bother me at all.

Ive got a do this sunday then wedding Saturday after so there will be plenty of peeps celebrating. Im taking my blackcurrant with me.

Just keep believing in yourself and stay focused at all times. xx

BE VERY CAREFUL!
I'm 9 months in and I avoid alcohol whenever and wherever I can. I do not go to the alcohol aisle in the supermarket. I don't go to bars. I do not sit in the bar area of a restaurant etc. Of course, I attend family parties where there is alcohol but I steer clear of it as much as I can. I am sure things will change for me but I still consider 9 months sober to be pretty new. I'm not going to stick my foot in the hornets nest...no matter how docile they might seem...because I am so very petrified of being stung!

How?
I'd say the biggest factor is simply time. Like you I took the stance that I wasn't going to try and isolate myself from the 'world' because of 'it'.
I concentrated mostly on the interactions between my hand and mouth and making sure 'it' wasn't in the mix :). Early into my quit I will say I was very conscious of 'it' , seemingly everywhere eg advertisements, stores, restuarants ect. But eventually 'it' tends to fade into the backround with all the other its in the world and only pops up/out if I decide to pay attention to 'it'. Being conscious or wary of alcohol is, I think , natural and expected given one's history with 'it', especially in the early offing. But after time , when 'it' has been relegated to a thing of least importance , 'it' just assumes its proper place ie a thing in the world , and given the awesomely tremendous amount of things in the world it gets lost in the backround like backgammon and suspenders, I'm sure it's there, but I am just not interested any more.

I'll have three years on April 1st. I am not ok with being around people who are drinking heavily. If I'm in a restaurant, and I see drinking, I'm generally ok with that as long as they aren't getting loud and obnoxious. If they're normal drinkers and sipping, it doesn't bother me at all.

I had a situation yesterday where I inadvertently put myself into close contact with a woman who was saturated with alcohol, and I do mean saturated... I could smell her from ten feet away, easily. She averted her eyes, she slurred and made the tell-tale gestures and facial expressions of a drunk. It was ... extremely disturbing to me.

I can tolerate seeing a glass of wine on a table in a public place. I can't tolerate it in my own home, nor can I tolerate it around friends. My close friend, who drinks, will not drink in my presence. That's a good friend.

I am pretty liberal here in my approach to this. There is wine in the house and probably a couple cans of beer under the sink in the kitchen for daughters' BFs when they visit. There is no liquor however. I also feel no qualms about adding wine to stew or slow braised recipe, and there is no nervousness while eating a meal like that for me.

I rarely go into a bar or club, but I have no problem being in a restaurant where alcohol is being served.

If there is a nudge from my AV, and I still get them, it doesn't matter anymore. My urges to consume alcohol lost any power they had to control my actions years ago. When I understood that, I stopped being afraid of them. They are thoughts that come and go.

I simply have too much to do. Like Robert F Downey said, "I was going to have a beer, but then I remembered I had plans for Christmas".

Part of my visceral reaction to heavy drinking might be because of my mother. She was an alcoholic. When I was drinking, I was able to tolerate that kind of behavior because ... I was drinking. Now that I'm sober and have my head on straight again, it feels traumatic to me when I'm around other heavy drinkers. Could be trauma in my case that wouldn't extend to others who didn't come from the same background.

Mike, everyone handles this situation differently. It does get easier with time.

Personally, I never forced the issue. I just had / have a plan in place for how I will react when certain circumstances arise; i.e. business lunches or dinners where alcohol is present, social gatherings with alcohol, alcohol at the house since my wife still drinks, etc.

I believe you've got to give yourself the best chance at breaking this cycle. For me, I will never force myself into situations that increased my odds of drinking. The more time I have under my belt, the easier it is to be around alcohol.

With that being said, however, I will never forget or become complacent as to why I won't drink today. No matter what situation I get into, I can never let my guard down. Each time that happened in the past, I relapsed.

How ever you choose to beat this, give yourself the best chance at not drinking today.

Stay strong Mike.

I can relate to you. Being around drunks sometimes brings me back to being with Ed when he was intoxicated and abusive and that feeling of dread and anxiety resurfaces. (you know that sweaty little knot in your guts...).
The good news is that we both have choices nowadays and we can chose not to put ourselves in those kind of situations and exit promptly when someone is loaded.

Yes, I know that feeling well, Carlotta.

Same with the phone ringing. Even after I was an adult and lived hours away, I would still cringe and feel nauseous when the phone would ring... knowing it was probably her, and knowing it was always 'something.' It was never a pleasant chat. She always wanted or needed something. Or, it was my grandmother telling me my mother was in rehab, the hospital, or jail.

I walked away from that drunk woman yesterday ... and it felt both good and yet anxiety-inducing. I felt guilt too. Now I see why I might've felt guilty -- because she triggered the trauma from my mother, and I've always lived with guilt for not doing more.

*apologies to Mike for going off on this tangent

I want to apologize Mike I had replied to Jennie then realized that I was hijacking your thread. I will pm her instead.
Keep up the good work !!!

That's great, Carlotta! :) Happy for y'all. :)

Ha! I just replied. The above is my reply, btw. :)

I got the PM...

Hey Mike

A lot of sense in the above posts. I sort of fall between Carlotta, Soberpotamus and Freshstart !

In the early days (first 3 months), I avoided any institution serving/selling alcohol excluding restaurants that didnt have a bar. Just being in the presence of alcohol and folks drinking made me agitated.
Gradually, I overcame these fears but it took a while before I felt confident. Having said that, I still dont frequent pubs or bars as none of my friends do either ! Nowadays, I do have alcohol at home as my partner likes a drink. I even do the serving at dinner parties. For the most part, alcohol does not solicit any emotions anymore, positive or negative. The important aspect for me is that it takes time as in years before I reached this point. So, my recommendation to you is to be patient and play safe !

I"m OK being around other people who might be drinking at a dinner or a restaurant. The main factor was time - it probably took me at least a a year before I felt "OK". I don't know that i'll ever feel "comfortable" about being around alcohol, but I can certainly tolerate it. Having said that, there are certain places I simply don't go ever anymore - bars for example. I have gone in bars but there's really no reason for me to be there. Just as I wouldn't go hang out in the woods if I don't like being outside, or hang out at a swimming pool if I don't like getting wet. Bars are for drinking....I don't drink...simple equation;-)

I think that everyone is different when it comes to being around alcohol. For me, I had no choice but to be around it, as my husband is a daily drinker. There is a fully-stocked bar in my house which I never asked to be removed. My husband is very supportive of my decision, but it was MY decision to quit, not his, so I didn't ask him to change anything.

That being said, Chardonnay is NOT in my house, as that was my drink of choice. I also drank copious amounts of vodka, which is in my house, but there is something about Chardonnay...

All of my friends as well "our" friends drink. I went out of my way to tell them not to change their behavior because of me. To be perfectly honest, I am a little resentful sometimes, but its really just because I can't drink anymore. Most of the time though, someone makes an a$$ out of themselves and the my resentment turns to relief that it wasn't me.

Let me posit a slightly different approach Mike.

Noone starts weight training by lifting their own body weight - you work up to it.

I think the same approach is useful in recovery and building 'sober muscles'.

Noones asking you to 'run from alcohol' - but I do think it's prudent to have a little respect for the relentless and insidiousness of your enemy, just for a while.

I've seen many people try and punch above their weight, too soon, and come undone.

Patience slow and steady wins the race, grasshopper :)

Today I can go anywhere with anyone and feel no tug, no pull, no pangs. But I put in the work to get there.

You have nothing to prove Mike, least of all to any of us :)

D

You took the words right off'n my keyboard -- I could have written this post myself.

How did you get to that point?
i worked the steps of aa. it removed the obsession and these promises materialized:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

that didnt happen overnight and i didnt want to go anywhere there was
alcohol being served in the first year. i walked into aa suicidal and by the grace of God i rembered a LOT of my past and the gloom,dispair and agony alcohol caused so i had absolutely no desire to go walking into temptation the first year.

And how do you feel in those situations?

before i go into any situation there is alcohol being served i have 3 qualifications:
the right motive- a legitimate reason for being there.
be in fit spiritual condition-.
have an escape route.

with those 3 very important qualifications im ok.
remove one, and especially if my motives arent right, im screwed.

I don't know...

If your putting yourself in situations associated with your past drinking in order to build up your resistance to drinking, then it seems to me that you're continuing to allow your drinking to control you.

Sometimes it's helpful to remind ourselves that our desire to drink did an does for a time control our behavior. This includes early sobriety.

I knew for about a year or so into it sobriety that, had I been able to "get away with drinking," more or less undetected, then I would drink. So I acted accordingly. The couple of times I was around booze, I was all but salivating and could think of little else but drinking, which is to say, getting drunk.

I don't know whether or not dry runs or dress rehearsals would have helped me, but I was in no condition to put it to the test. Life throws enough challenges at me, and I don't need to intentionally place myself at risk.

I'm now more or less indifferent to alcohol. Things came to be that way for me by working on living a better life.

I also believe it's a very personal thing, and possibly largely related to the type of drinker you are/were, so I wouldn't base what you do on what other people are able to do.

In my case, for example, my problem was binge drinking. I was used to going several days at a time without a drink, even if it was in the house. So now that I'm sober, seeing booze in a shop or even in my fridge (my wife still drinks moderately) doesn't cause me problems.

But that doesn't mean AV can't strike at any time. A work trip to Dublin in particular was really difficult, when I found myself in a pub there with business colleagues. Work trips, and Dublin in particular, have always been major binge drinking opportunities. Luckily one of the other people was sober, so we stuck together.

So I'd stick with Dee's advice about taking your time and being very cautious around alcohol, and avoid testing yourself too much (it reminds me of Darwin Awards stories of people deciding to check if their bullet proof vest really is bullet proof. While wearing it). Yes, it would be very hard to go through life avoiding anywhere that has alcohol present. But equally, there's no point actively putting yourself in those situations so early in your sober journey.

Mike in my case it's never been a trigger, in fact I dated a lady for over a year who drank daily and I stayed sober.

My better half and I recently bought a house together on the Ocean, we were out for a walk with her mom and dad here, I have become very good friends with my new neighbor (81) and he has been sober 28 years, the four of us stopped by his garage as he always has friends in there, two of them were drinking rum and one smoking. My better half asked me later in the day if either bothered me, I said the alcohol had no effect, the smell of cigarettes made me feel sick.

My trigger is more mental, depression but that was handled today by a professional, seems I am mania Bi Polar

Coming up on 4 years without alcohol. I honestly barely notice it anymore. In fact, I take great pride in telling people no thanks when alcohol is offered. I never would have thought it possible 4 years ago.

I don't yet trust my nascent recovery enough to test it, and I hope by the time it's strong enough to trust, I just won't care to be around the places I used to go when i was out and drinking.

I don't like being around drinkers and alcohol for a bunch of different reasons. I see no reason to do things I dont enjoy so for the most part I don't do alcohol events.

I choose to nurture my sobriety not challenge it because every time I went toe to toe with alcohol I got the snot beat out of me

I treated/treat my sobriety with the most precious of gloves , guarded it jealously .

I was getting over something deadly.

I don't go and stand in front of the cigarette counter or in a tobacco shop since i gave up smoking .

All that carcinogenic liquid piled up , the alcohol aisle is a depressing place to be .

My sobriety is tested occasionally but usually i'm 2 or 3 steps ahead of myself ..

Testing myself is by it's nature tempting myself with failure , i don't want to go there ..

It's nice and safe over here , life is comfortable .. you test yourself if you like, it's your sobriety and you protect it however best it serves you ..

I got better things to do with my time, effort and energy than starting fights i don't need to fight yet , if ever .

m

Not a problem at all Soberpotamus.

No problem. Threads are there for fruitful communication and if you're ever on one of mine, feel free to hijack all you want. :)

Thanks for all the helpful replies. What I failed to mention was that I'm not doing this alone. My brother has kind of become my sober companion. I say "kind of" since he's not trained for it, but he does know me. Btw, he's never had any addiction problems.

So he was there with me when I did the test. And he'll be there every time I'll be around alcohol. And should I want to train more, building my sober muscle as Dee puts it, he'll always be there. Maybe in a while, I'll buy a can of beer. Open it, smell it. The pour it down the drown. And my brother will be there as well.

And he still has my wallet so I can't get alcohol.

Not taking any risks. That's just too dangerous. But with my brother's help I can train and do things I otherwise wouldn't.

And he's a great deal stronger than me, so he'll wrestle me down should I try to drink. No matter where we are. Not kidding.

But that won't be necessary I think. I simply have no desire to drink. And... it's day 23! :)