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Dear god. This is so difficult. Anyone who says this is doable is full of s**t.

All of the newbies: I am still a newbie.

I am still sitting on my butt, waiting for life to start -- not doing a thing -- a past-fledged adult. A has-fledged that never fledged.

It is really difficult for me to know that I have wound up right where I started over a year ago, I relapsed hard. I had some sober, very unsatisfying times, they were difficult months. I don't think I can live like this.

nah, I'm not full of anything :)

It really is possible Pouncer.
I wouldn't have spent the last 8 years here if that wasn't true :)

this is a good link for going back to basics and getting a good solid plan for yourself?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

It all starts with a day one.

Sure some of us have it harder than others, in that we have other issues going on too - but it's not impossible - I'll never believe that :)

D

Hang in there Pouncer!
I'm sorry it's tough right now.
Jonathan

It most certainly IS doable, and I'm not full of it either. :)

It was harder than hell, but I made it, over six years now and my life is better than ever. :)

You CAN do this, but you gotta wanna. You've got to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

I am not sure I am up for it.

This is the most honest I have ever been. Thank you, Dee and Least for still being here. I really, really appreciate what you do for silly people like me everyday.

Hi Pouncer!

Pride lead to drinking, self pity kept me drunk - they are first cousins.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We can make that choice and change our perceptions. For me, that was a huge key to adjustment - finding ways to change my perception of the world and those I interact with.

If this ole drunk can garner 20 months of continuous sobriety, anyone can.

Start again, use what you've learned and move forward!

Pouncer,

it's doable.

telling yourself it's not and that those who are saying it's doable are full of **** feeds right into a hopelessness that will make it okay not to try.

and you just can't deny that many of us are actually doing this.

there is a way that will work for you. it's your task to find it and follow it. you are not so terribly unique that it's undoable for you. nice try, though:)

I had some sober, very unsatisfying times, they were difficult months.
yes. it's very tough when it turns out that we can handle drinking better than we can handle sobriety.
when you know that quitting drinking didn't fix life, you can go about finding a way that will make it okay to live without ongoing endless suffering.

Fly n Buy - thank you for not offering the standard B.S., first.

Second, thank you for understanding why us silly people want to drink. It helps. We are not bad people, we are people who are sensitive and kind and cannot understand a world where Beyonce's STUPID effing superbowl half-time show is en par Toni Morrison.

Fini,

Thank you for your sweet, but tough response. I don't know what to do with what you said. I rrreally do not know what I should do if you, or anyone else, feels despair at my most honest words.

THIS IS ****ING HARD.

It is.

End of story. That is the most honest advice a newbie will get. I can't stand being sober.

Boom.

Pouncer - when I started to get sober I had to turn off the news ( the hate channels if you will). I stay(ed) away from political upheaval and really just all things - facebook, reality shows, network television in general that sucked me into the dark side. Perhaps that is evidence of my sickness, but so be it. I sequestered my spirit from those things that pulled me deeper into a hole. I read spiritual things / daily uplifting reflections - I'd turn on fun songs found on youtube - I tried to steep myself in the light of life.

Some may judge this as naive and withdrawl - I view it as regaining control from the insanity.

Identify what hurts, pull it our of your being like a bad weed in a beautiful garden and plant other things.

You are not alone......

not many of us can, in the beginning. Thats why places like SR exist :)

Early recovery is rough. But this is not the best its going to get. With support and commitment to change, you really can find a sober joy.

Noone needs to do this alone - and it really does get easier.

I know it's hard to trust in that when you've only had experience of the hard stuff - but it really does get better,

Phase one is stopping the drinking. Phase two is building a sober life you love.

I really hope you decide to start soon Pouncer :)

D

Pounced,
Sobriety might not have been fantasy land, but you really need to give yourself more time sober to really decide if it's worth it. It took me a year or two to really get my head on straight and to stop thinking at all about alcohol. Also consider that your addiction will get worse. Often rapidly.

Fly N Buy- that is very sweet. It was actually Donald Trump that started me drinking again -- that is no joke and the absolute truth.

(Not trying to make a political statement, but trying to identify my triggers).

I feel as though I do not understand what or why I am still living for. I have permanently bad health, but I have wonderful, smart, loving children who need me.

You drinking or not drinking is not going to do anything to The Don pounced...just as you drinking is not going to do anything for your despair at the world.

I can do a lot more now to help change the world now I'm sober ;)

D

Thank you, Dee.

Just be glad that I spelled "absolute truth" the proper way instead of "Absolut."


Thank you, all, for caring about my post. It really, really means a lot to me.

Be Kind Always,

You have the most beautiful username I have ever seen.

Zufrieden, Thank you for responding and for your support. I grew up in the Central Valley.

-P

Yes it is hard. Took me a trip to the hospital then a month of inpatient rehab followed by months of IOP (Intensive Out Patient.) Which I'm still go to. It's like building a tool box of tools to help in my recovery. Even then I still hit up 2-3 AA meetings a week. I would like to point out there is a huge difference of being just sober and actually in recovery. Basically it a whole shift in our thinking of everything. Letting go of the past that was not in our control, and taking accountability of things that were. Getting to the root of why we drink, and finding healthy sober outlets for it.

I think making a good plan of action for treatment is a great start. It's not gunna be paved with unicorns and butterflies, but will be somethinge to live life on life's terms.

Thank you, Maffers.

Unicorn s**t would be a good start for me, at least. I do not know what life is at this point, I have realized -- just now -- that my life has been defined by addiction. A pretty hard pill to swallow.

-P

Not going to be easy...