I remember you from my Class of March 2014 thread, enfin. Are you drinking today?

I really hope you can quit and you make it stick this time.

Regardless of what has happened, the only way out of this ongoing mess is to stop drinking. Have you considered therapy or a rehab? I think it is time. You deserve to be happy and the only way to create that is to start doing things that are good for you. A little self-care goes a long way. Can you take a long bubble bath? It will help. Take some hot tea into the bathroom and light some scented candles. You deserve that bit of comfort. Nurture your body instead of abusing it.

Not drinking today... suffering in many ways... I feel like crap, am so guilty and shame filled and I just can't cope.... I am resolved to give up as of midnight last night I don't drink!!!

Good! No drinking - just stay focused on that. Right now, where you are, what you are doing. I used this technique to pull through the hard moments and eventually, the all encompassing guilt lifted. Hugs to you.

I'm really glad to hear that you're not drinking. Sometimes very bad situations are used for our good.

This is going to get better, little by little. You can cope. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. Try to stay busy or at least stay warm and fed.

We've all done stupid things while drunk.
We are all human.
As time goes by, we all heal with sobriety.:grouphug:

Minute by minute... I guess that's it... I am starting to feel cross now too as I think hthe bloke took advantage of me in a very **** faced state... he could have just gone home.... he was very persistent even though I kept saying no, got to stop it.... eventually I just ran away..... but the damage is done. I have ruined everything. But, I will build a sober life! I will, I will, I will.....

For us, a foundation of sobriety keeps everything built on top from crumbling.
You will! Keep the faith.:grouphug:

There is lots of hope, enfin. Just keep saying 'I don't drink.' Drinking nearly killed me, and I was very far down the path to end-stage alcoholism. As of yesterday I have 6 months of wonderful sobriety; I never thought I could do it but it is possible to have a fabulous life ahead. I know it seems impossible now, but there is hope. The amazing people here at SR are a blessing.

I too have done stupid things when drinking. Today is my day 1 as well. Let's do this together.

Hi enfin,

I'm guessing that since you said "a husband that now hates me" you either told him or think he's been informed by someone that saw you in the alley. I know the feeling of wishing I didn't exist because of monumentally stupid, heart breaking soul destroying things I've done to myself or kids. It's so hard to get passed the self-hatred when we mess up on the level that has the ability to destroy lives. Hopefully your kids don't know and you can work on fixing the things that brought you to the point where you thought even for a fleeting moment that a quickie in the alley was a good idea.

Your life has taken a significant impact and even though you may feel it's over, it isn't. I don't know if you can approach the guy concerned and ask him to keep it quiet until you figure out what youre going to do? You say people saw you guys, maybe they didnt see your faces?

Either way, the despair and absolute self-hatred youre feeling right now many of us have felt before. Youre right, if it wasn't for alcohol you probably wouldn't have done it, but it's happened.

Actions speak louder than words, I know for me the longer that gap got between me and alcohol, the more my loved ones started to look a me through new eyes. They saw that I was actively changing the things that caused them pain. I was working on the things that caused me pain and therefore caused me to drink. Somewhere down the line they started to have faith in me again and my dignity was recovering from many a shame filled night.

I could go on and on but I wont. I just want you to know that you can and will recover from this but youre going to have to address the issues that caused it to happen in the first place and do some genuine heartfelt work.

Thinking about ya... good luck

So I am.in bed and sober. My husband is not here... not talking to me. I may be sober but I am wrecked .. just not drinking for one day isn't going to make the mess go away, or heal anything or make it better...... it's hopeless..... I can't face the chasm of desolation before me, the seeing people who were there... the knowing looks... the cold shoulder from home.... being sober just reveals the mess, it takes away the blurring and focuses, like a map of carnage.... sleep be quick!

:hug: Effin I hated when I felt like that too and yeah your right this isnt going to be overnight and everythings better but what it is, is you havnt done none of this bad stuff today & I commend you for that so yes it will take time but its better than jumping into the abyss and as time goes on and seasons change, people change

I can provide my own personal example

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-hated-me.html

Nice, SW.

Oh i can hear the despair in ur voice. U don't see it now, but this will calm down. Was it just a kiss or did more happen & who saw u doing that?? Flirting is fine, u can just laugh it off, im sure ur making more of a deal of it in ur head that ithers are.
I would give ur hubbie a bit of time & c what happens. Ur going to feel like **** for a while but alot of that is the booze, i felt anxious, guilty, panicky, depressed & generally miserable. I thought about drinking ALOT & just thought "my life is dull without booze"....such a crock, i have great days & ok days, no bad days yet. Im 6 weeks sober tomo so still in the early days.
I too have let my fiance down several times, not in the same way but by hiding my drinking & just being very sneaky. The only way he said he can trust me again fully is by showing him ive changed, time will tell.

Good luck & please keep coming here for support. It will ease.x

I hope as you stay sober and the days go on, you'll learn to forgive yourself Enfin.

The road is going to be a long one, but it's not hopeless, I really believe that and I hope you will come to believe that as well :)

D

As long as you're alive.... you still have hope.

As long as this awfulness inspires you to embrace the change... you have an opportunity.

As long as you decide to choose sobriety - you can put this all behind you and be the person you truly want to be.

There will be consequences, but from this point forward you can choose, starting right now - will you embark upon a turnaround of your life, or ride this awful spiral ever further down into darkness?

I hope you choose the former.... life is a gift and this terrible point in yours need not define it - or you.

:grouphug:

Hey Enfin.

So sorry to read about your trouble. As others have said, it will be ok you know but only if you stop boozing.

I have no wise words for you except to say that I inflicted lots of similar stuff on my poor wife. She had every reason to kick me out but she didn't. I remember the crushing shame of my escapades. Now 5 years sober and that stuff doesn't happen any more. My wife trusts me again and we are happy.

You sound lovely by the way. I don't think you are the destructive person you describe, just someone who shouldn't drink. You are in good company here!

Please don't despair, things can change for the better so quickly.

You are all so kind and right... it is the drinking that makes emotions so unmanageable and then burst out to bit you... i may have been having some difficulties with my husband, and have been feeling like he doesn't love me and finds me annoying and not good at what I do... he is very stressed too, and drinks which makes him grumpy. ..

so I guess the fancying eye of a stranger was too much to resist when I was 10 pints under....I didn't sleep with him.... so at least there's that. I kept saying no, stop. ... but then was too pissed to actually stop. .. until I ran away. That saved me.

I don't know how I feel really. My husband won't talk to me. I don't think he will want to work it out. I don't think he likes me much.... but we have the children so I guess will grimly struggle on through the years... maybe it will get better.

At least there's hope without alcohol. I think I would be dead or more seriously **** up soon if I don't stop . It's quite worrying that I feel so detached inside, I don't know what to do!

At least I have u guys, thank you all x

They have all.gone out so I am.alone. I want to die. Or drink. Or both.
Consequences and thoughts roll over me like waves... what if he showed the messages I sent to his mates... what if he told them all... what if mum's at school Know....it's a tiny village. I'm screwed. My husband is sooooo angry as he thinks they will all know too.... I am such a evil lost screwed up 41 year old looser.....
I have to goto work tomorrow, what if they know.... I hate alcohol so much. Just sobbing my heart out....

Hey Enfin
Wanted to reach out and introduce myself. :)
I'm Emily and I too am on day 2 of my recovery!
Like you I'm still reeling in the catastrophe that was Friday night but am absolutely determined in my resolve to knock my addiction on the head! (My main problem being Cocaine).
Please believe me when I tell you that like you I have committed some epic eff ups whilst under the influence. Luckily all has been forgiven and I'm grateful that me and my husband can work on our recovery with a clean slate (he is also an addict of many sorts). Hopefully your husband will forgive you too... In time. Time is a great healer and the fact that you didn't sleep with this guy will help! You said your husband drinks too? Does he want/ need to quit? It will probably be easier if he does and will be something you can do together which may help rebuild your relationship.

So I wish you all the best and will follow your quest. Bring on day 3 for us both. We can do this :) x