I don't think any who post here are paid Bix … I'm just some drunk who wandered through over the years .. only started making it part of my sober routine 3 1/2 years ago when i thought it'd be good to share experience with other soberists . Some of those are still here, some have drifted off on their sober journeys , some gone back out there , some are dead . I do sometimes think there are dramatists who just seek attention pass through maybe saying fake things but mostly people are genuine, decent and want to live sober and healthy . keep on Bix :You_Rock_ |
And remember, Bix, if you can make it through the toughest of emotions (and you can!) while sober, there's nothing you can't face! And to reword it positively ... you can face anything! :) |
Doh ! i've just noticed judas priest are playing in bradford tonight … 2 hrs away .. It starts at 7pm and it's 5pm now .. £40 .. and a cold and dark drive back .. think i'll have to miss it … awww Maybe i'll be able to get to manchester to see them at the weekend … :) |
Bim, nothing happened, that I can think of. Nothing is even wrong. I am some sort of emotional train wreck, in slow motion, seemingly. Wonder when the last car with hit the ditch. SoberP, HaF, Mecx, Bim...thank you. Yes, I am paranoid. And I am at work today. They are all just lying to me too. Mecx, when I read what you said, about who is here and why...it punctures the paranoid thought process. My emotional state seems to be blowing enough gas to keep the mental construct partly revived though. As soon as I get away from work, I will do something physical. It literally just occurs to me that I am angry and suspicious because I don't want to need you people like I do. I am afraid to rely on anything. Edit: Well...that is rationale about SR at the moment anyway...my anger and suspicion is broader than just SR right now. Thank you for your support. I am just going to hang on. |
Bix, I had a lot of delusional crazy thoughts in early sobriety. A lot of fear - deep fear - the kind that started decades ago and I fed with booze. Having to face my fears is still difficult nearly two years on. Especially those fears that are related to trust. I don't have close friends. I'm not married or in a relationship. I haven't worked for years. All my family is gone. Trusting the people on this board is all I have and it's a safe place for me that allows for thought-exchange without the face-to-face anxiety. Maybe give us a chance. Hang on and keep talking. I feel you, sister. |
Well I'm certainly not being paid to be here. I'd have checked the threads a lot earlier. Wow. Lots going on and to catch up on. Happy birthday gettingsmarter! All these November birthdays. Melina, hugs. What a jerk. Texting. I'm sorry. Bimini, hang in there. You gave it a shot. Della, I'm hoping things ease up at work for you. I hate when there's all that tension but has nothing to do with you but affects you. Mecanix, too bad you'll miss the show tonight. I'm off to see my Dad at the hospital. He's OK. Just waiting on test results. My mom said he looks far better than the other really sick people. I'm just at loose ends with kids in school and hanging out in the house. TV on. Read some. Now I'm heading out. |
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
(Post 5657092)
And remember, Bix, if you can make it through the toughest of emotions (and you can!) while sober, there's nothing you can't face! And to reword it positively ... you can face anything! :) Everyone, I'm glad I said what I am thinking here. I didn't want to sound like a nut...but it is too late for that kind of pride. Saying it "out loud" immediately helped deflate the crazy. And...I did need to hear back from someone, and you folks on this thread came through again. |
Bix even if we were paid to be here, that would mean someone loves you very much to give us all a salary!! Maybe that doesn't help, but maybe it does so I'll leave it! But we aren't paid :) New drama from my brothers girlfriend. So he's been strong and he hasn't been back, today they arranged that he could stop by and pick up his clothes. Of course when he got there the door was wide open, her keys were there and she's gone. My mom calls me in a panic " She's missing!!! Can you help your brother look for her?!?!" Not a f1cking hope..... I'm not leaving work and school today to engage in yet another drama with her. She flooded her own apartment, a couple fake suicide attempts, fake abuse stories etc Just a couple days ago she smashed into my neighbours car, tried to run over my brother, banged on my door screaming at the top of her lungs.... Why would I go look for her, shes not even missing, shes trying to get attention |
Originally Posted by biminiblue
(Post 5657133)
Bix, I had a lot of delusional crazy thoughts in early sobriety. .... Trusting the people on this board is all I have and it's a safe place for me that allows for thought-exchange without the face-to-face anxiety. Maybe give us a chance. Hang on and keep talking. I feel you, sister. |
((((( hug bix)))))) |
Bix hang in there. Doing something physical is a must for me. Sometimes it feels like there is an infant at the emotional controls of my brain. It is way better now than when I was drinking. Stay strong it will pass. |
Prayers for the suffering alcoholic today. ((Hugs)) for those in the path of their tornado. |
Bodhi...made me laugh about someone loving me enough to pay salary...but my next thought was..."yeah but who WOULD do that?? Crafty b-terd! What's the angle?? Come out from behind that curtain!!!!" :rant: :abcg: |
Originally Posted by BixBees505
(Post 5657172)
Bodhi...made me laugh about someone loving me enough to pay salary...but my next thought was..."yeah but who WOULD do that?? Crafty b-terd! What's the angle?? Come out from behind that curtain!!!!" :rant: :abcg: I hope your feel better because you're a delight, and you deserve happiness xo |
Oh Bix :hug: That's why I love this place. We can be honest about our craziest fears and there's always someone who gets it. Della...ugh! I hate tension of any kind, too...makes you feel like you've got to be on guard in case something happens. Hope it gets resolved soon. Ruby, hope your dad gets a good report. Jen...way to set boundaries! :) This week I'm determined to finally call my lawyer about getting my record sealed. It's been hanging over me all this time and I'm finally ready to face it. |
Laundry done. Finally cleaned the inside of my car windows. I can be a neat freak. Day 1 of vacation is humming along. |
Ken...there's nothing like a clean car! Love it! Happy vacation!! :) |
1 Attachment(s) wow... a lot going on in our lives, and heads... Bix, hang in there, I'm as paranoid as the next person... always have been and always full of anxiety... Everyone here is out to get you - get you sober that is. Hope you feel better about things Bim - I look back and realized I wanted to leave my job years ago but just couldn't do it. Then the decision was made for me. That really set me back a lot. And I'm horrible at interviews. Even though in a short period of time I have no doubt I would be the best they have, I have a difficult time projecting that attitude in an interview. I'm too much like a whimp in those situations. I was told I am too humble - if you can believe that one. Mesa - time to start setting the rules and enforcing them. Sorry to hear you are going through this time. Hopefully she wises up and soon catches on to how you are feeling about all this. I've been having my ups and downs lately. Just boredom and feeling like I am a servant much of the time. But I know that my job as the support 'team' is very important now. Help her get through this and then she'll have real time to enjoy living - and no more school for a while. Spent the morning 'sorting' through things in the spare room. Have to make a trip to recycling to unload 3 years of magazines that fell under the category, "Don't throw them away I want them." I changed the category this morning to "TFB, they're gone." There is so much junk etc. I cleaned out binders of "work related" material that has been just sitting there since I lost the job. Need to get rid of this stuff to make room for other stuff. Maps and brochures of every attraction in the southwest. Like I really need a street map of Page or Durango... oh yeah, I have a collection of 'stuff'. The wife wouldn't let me get rid of her 20 year old casio calculator 5 years ago. It got downgraded to the 'TFB it's gone' pile. Anyone need a 40 lb computer monitor that's 24 inches deep? Yeah, a lot of 'stuff'. Just finishing lunch. Hot sausage, small shells and tomato sauce from scratch. First step is to 'scratch' the tamper seal off the lid... then pour it on top of your sausage and stir in shells... ;) Hope you are feeling better Melina. Happy Birthday GS - I was thinking about an episode of M.A.S.H. "... Radar, you don't want to shoot it across the room." Here's a present for your birthday, a 1970 GS convertible. |
Well said, bin Thinking of you Melina... Sorry you have to go through this. Bix, I'm not sure where you are at in sobriety, but I sure felt "nuts" a lot in the early days. It's hard to trust your own brain sometimes, it's perfectly normal. I started praying for discernment, pray for the ability to sort out the helpful thoughts from the unhelpful ones if that makes sense. Over time, I was able to trust my own brain again. |
:lmao Jsbhodi, "Not a f*@#)*g hope" Have a good day all. Hang in there. Think of all the nonsense going on in your lives as free entertainment. The best tv writers can't make up half the $ttt going on in our lives. |
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