Hey guys
 

Been keeping a low profile for the last few months. Sometime in August I started trying to drink moderately. It has progressed to the point where I need to quit completely (again). At first it was a couple of beers a couple of times a week, then 4-6 beers 4 or 5 times a week, then making sure I had enough beer to get drunk. Then I started bringing the vodka home again.

I've been gathering up a few sober days here and there, just killed off ten consecutive by drinking again a couple of days ago. It's pretty hard being right back here at square one.

I've read many others' posts about how moderating won't work for us, but yeah, guess I thought I was different. Now I know, that's not going to work for me.

So, here I am, starting over at day 2. Need to get some mojo back. Over the last few weeks I've really seen what a dangerous path I'm on and have been telling myself "no more." But then there's more. So rather than waiting until I have some good sober time under my belt to start posting again I thought I'd just throw myself back into the forum now. Not getting any support outside of here so this is my lifeline.

Thanks, all.

I'm glad you're back.

It's that first drink, ya know?

Yup. Once I opened the door a little it all just whooshed back in. Gradually, though, like the old frog in the pot of water thing.

A problem I've been having recently is that I've forgotten how good having some real sober time feels. After ten sober days I feel better but not great. Gotta get that back.

Someone here said once, "You can't let a lion out of its cage a little bit at a time."

Hang on, you know what to do. If you've cemented in your mind that one drink is too many, then this relapse was useful to your recovery.

Yes, this is a good time to come back and share your experience. You're not alone in trying to prove to yourself you could moderate your drinking. And, you're also not alone in realizing that is never going to work.

I'm glad you posted.

Moderation won't work for us or at least for me. First we must understand that alcohol makes us dehydrated, making us want to drink more. All it takes is one drink for me to go into a 3-4 day binge.

At least you a knowledge your problem which is the first step.

What plan do you have for sobriety?

Welcome back.

Good to see you SDH! Glad you're back and giving sobriety another go!

Right now my plan is to scrape together enough sober days to start feeling better.
Have abandoned many of my productive habits over the last month "because, hey, I'll just work out tomorrow when I don't feel so gross." Try to get some positive routines going again.

Was playing piano in a reggae band but quit that a month or so ago. Band politics stuff, left on good terms. But now I've stopped practicing piano AND have had an extra night to drink each week. That's about the time the vodka came back into the picture, too much free time.

Glad you found your way back, and have conceded to your alcoholism and accepted what you need to do now. Acceptance if far more comfortable than trying (and failing) to rely on will-power to moderate.

Wishing you well with your journey to sobriety; recovery; and serenity.

Something I realized early on in my attempts to moderate was that I just didn't feel good the next day after even "just a few beers" (surprise, surprise). And as that morphed into drinking larger quantities more often I've completely lost the plot. It's like actually feeling good is a vague memory, distant. Not that I was getting drunk every day, but often enough that I was barely starting to feel better when I'd drink again. So, yeah, haven't really felt "good" in months.

Hi I wish you good luck with getting away from the drink I am only 7 days sober and if not for the people here today I would have picked up again..Best wishes..

I love piano & I'd love to hear your music if you can send details SDH

So glad your bk congrats on day 2

Soberwolf, no music to share. One of the things I was looking forward to when I quit that band was spending more time working on my own stuff. It was pretty time consuming being in that band, since I'm pretty bad at piano had to spend a lot of time practicing on my own in addition to making rehearsals. But when that time opened up I filled it with lesser pursuits.

Welcome back SDH73. Hope we can help you make a plan to get things back on track. Accepting that even one drink is never an option is a good start!

Thanks, Scott. Going to be looking at making a plan in the next few days.

Need to maybe set up a more regimented schedule so I don't find myself with so much free time in the near future.

Not that I'm blaming free time for my drinking. Just some diversions to keep my mind occupied until I can get some sober weeks and am perhaps thinking more clearly.

Welcome back SDH. Set a plan and don't forget to spend as much time here as necessary. Early on, I found it really helped me to spend a ton of time on SR.

Use us to help you get past the hurdles.

Thanks, ccam. I have found in the past that being here every day - especially early on - is very helpful. In the past I've sort of drifted away as "sober life" took over and other sober activities took hold, but I've been back here reading pretty much daily for the last couple of months. Just didn't want to post while I was actively drinking.

Welcome back, SDH.

You might have already seen this thread, but just in case:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

It might help you to formulating a plan.

Very glad that you are back.

Welcome back SDH!! :)

Great job on Day 2, you can do this!! :scoregood