Thanks Dee, I'll take a look at those links now.

Wanna know something funny, all this time I thought you were a woman haha!! I saw you'd written something in the men's section so took a look at your profile and was so surprised to see you were a dude LOL!!

I don't even know why I thought you were a chick! I think it's the way you write, you're so understanding...omg, I'm digging a hole here arent I!! LMAO! Sorry!!

LOL it's all good :)

you're not the first :)

The name throws people...I'm usually known as D - for some reason the day I joined here I joined as 'Dee'...

too late to change now :lmao

D

Hi SD,

You're doing fantastically well so far. And I loved reading your fightback against your AV.

I'm in the middle of the week from Hell. Won't go into details here, but on both work and family fronts (nothing alcohol related). Issues still hanging over me like a thick black cloud.

Thing is, I had precisely one moment where I was tempted to go out and get steaming drunk. It only lasted for a couple of seconds, because I immediately thought "how the Hell would that help anything" Things would just be worse when I got back, the depression I'd feel when the hangover kicked in would be twice as bad. It would make the situation worse, not better. So I'm pleased I've now passed 4 months with sobriety intact.

It probably helped as well that I'm about 90% through Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Control Your Drinking. He just does a fantastic job of demolishing every reason your AV gives you to pick that bottle up again. His philosophy is pretty simple. You will have no problem quitting if you can see through all the lies and propaganda coming from the drinks industry, and realise alcohol provides no benefits whatsoever. None. At all. I like to think I'm a pretty good debater, but I haven't been able to find a single flaw in his argument so far.

His view is that until you reach the point of fully understanding that drinking brings no benefits, maintaining sobriety will continue to be hard work. Once you do reach that understanding, it becomes incredibly easy. All I can say is that's proving to be the case with me so far. I did go out to the pub on Wednesday night with some friends to help improve my mood. Was a great night. Even laughed out loud despite everything. Had two pints of Cranberry and Soda while they got sloshed, and had no desire for a beer at all. Never, ever would have believed that was possible before it happened.

Oh you just reminded me, I was going to download his book earlier after reading someone else mention it on here today. I'm going to download it right now.

I'm sorry you're having such a crappy week. One of my favourite sayings when things get that tough is 'this too shall pass'. It was my mantra when my toddler was a baby and didn't sleep more than 15 minutes at a time lol! I had to repeat it over and over to myself to stop from running screaming from the house some days!


A huge congrats on 4 months! Gosh, I can't even imagine getting there myself. I mean, I can, I want to, but wow, that would be freakin' amazing!

The kids fighting used to be a major trigger for me also. What helped me keep my sanity in those situations is not to engage in it while everyone's heated up and physically separate in different rooms until we can talk it out (most times it isn't even worth the discussion after everyone's calmed down). Also, lots of threats and bribery. Not proud of it, but it helped. :)

Have a great week, SD!

Mine too! My mum used to say it all the time.

You'll get to 4 months and more. 15 months for me this weekend! :bigok: It doesn't cease to feel amazing...

Thanks SD. Yes, this too shall pass. At the moment it's hard to see how exactly, but after advising people that it's a sign of strength to admit you can't solve a problem on your own, I'm finally taking my own advice and my wife and I are going to see a couples therapist. There's been ongoing issues involving different ways of looking at what financial security means that keep rising up and getting buried again. But now it's having a real impact on promises made to the children (involving getting a puppy, just to up the emotional stakes!) and can't be ignored any more.

But on the alcohol side, hopefully you will hit a tipping point where you will see that those bottles of wine don't actually provide those benefits your AV is telling you they do. I mentioned the 4 months because I just looked at the date and saw it was the same day of the month as my last drink on a weekend away (one solitary pint that I didn't finish). But I'm genuinely not a day counter because now it really is the case that I don't want to drink, not that I'm not letting myself drink. Subtle difference in words used, but a huge difference in the effort involved.

Hi there, I am new here as well, could you please tell me how I join the September class? Thx

Hi JP519

All you need to do is post in the thread :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-4.html

D

Opentuning, I hope you and your wife find the answers you are looking for. :grouphug:

I'm quite confused lately. I haven't been online for the last 2 1/2 weeks because I haven't felt like I needed to be, and I haven't even thought about picking up a drink in all that time. Over 2 weeks, nearer 2 and a half. Is that normal this early on? To have no relapses since starting my journey and after 3 hard weeks, just waking up and not craving it anymore?

My ex is telling me that I have proven to myself that I'm not actually an alcoholic, if the thought hasn't even crossed my mind, no cravings, nothing.......but then I read back through his thread, in the early days and remember just how much of a hold it had on me, how hard those first few weeks were...

Is this the calm before the storm? Is this my AV trying to lull me into a false sense of security? Could it really be that I'm 'over' it already? The thought of drinking a bottle of wine now just doesn't appeal to me. I even smelled some last week and it didn't call to me at all...


I don't know what any of this means.

In early recovery it usually means, "Caution, bumpy road ahead!"

Congrats on three weeks. Don't let your guard down.

Haha I like that!

All together it's nearly 7 weeks! And thank you :grouphug:

I keep waiting for 'it' to try and trip me up, but it's like I just feel......done. Done with alcohol, for good.

Yay Secretdrinker! I agree with Carl that you have to stay on your guard -- always -- but I also know that there's a certain inner conviction. Done is done. It can be truly over, as long as you want it to be. :) :) :)

I felt exactly the same. I'm a mum of 2, ive been lucky in the sense that my eldest is 3, so they're not fully aware yet.
I'm also a police officer, so alot of people would say "u should know better, setting an example"!!!

I have tried many times to quit in secret with just my partner knowing & everytime i have failed.

This time i have told a few close friends & immediate family the full extent of my drinking habits & some work colleagues i have just said im on a health kick so no more drinking.

I have visited my dr & have been totally honest with him too & will see him on a regular basis. I am also now taking fluoxetine to help with the depression side.

U can do this but i dont see how u can do it on ur own, u need support, i log on here everyday even if i don't post i just find it therapeutic to read sometimes. I'm not going to AA meetings, but remember its anonymous so please dont out u off, if u see someone there u know they're there for the same reason as u.

Its not too late to be the great mum ur supposed 2b, we're here for u to support in anyway we can!!💕

Hi SD,

That's fantastic news that your sober journey is still going strong, and feeling easier. Whether deliberately or not, it sounds like you've absolutely nailed the AVRT approach. You've mentally made the switch to being someone who doesn't drink, and will never drink again. And you've proven you can master your AV.

BUT (there's always a but!) don't let your AV perversely use this as a way to trick you into drinking again. The fact that you've taken control of your life and turned it around does not prove that you didn't have a problem in the first place. Your AV will tell you that your success proves you can be a social drinker if you want. That if you were a real alcoholic you wouldn't have been able to quit. And as you wrote, it won't just be your AV. Your husband is saying that to you as well. But make sure you print out and keep those first posts you made on here. As a reminder of how bad things were. What you were doing to yourself was not social drinking. The damage was very real. And if you let down your guard and decide that one or two glasses won't do any harm, I think we all know where that's likely to lead.

I think it's a balancing act. I fully intend to live my life as a non-drinker, not as a recovering alcoholic, if that makes sense. But equally, I don't ever want to forget why I'm now a non-drinker.

Congrats on 7 weeks SD

Really glad to see you sticking with this SD :)

D

Hi Secretdrinker. I've just read this post and all the comments. Thank you ! It really inspires me to see someone's first post and then to see that they are actually doing it. I only use this site for support and it's stories like yours that are really helping me in my recovery. :You_Rock_