Yep, the whole routine was a "high" for me. From the time I decided to drink to seeing how much cash I had on hand; the timing of when it would be safe to be at the store so no one I knew would see me to bringing it home and stashing it after I slammed down my first of many in my binge. Then trying to pace myself so I would have some to get me through the night and early morning...only to start planning my next trip to the store...wow, what a "fix" or so I thought. Now, it seems like a waste!

I had a wretched routine of going to work...Finishing at 5 stopping to get a 375 ml bottle of Whiskey. Drinking myself silly in the evening (Usually starting at 9 PM, watching Sci-Fi etc...Drinking as i went.)

Passing out about 1 AM, getting 4 or 5 hours of wretched/useless sleep...And getting up to go to work...And repeating the process.

And the weekends were total blowouts...Friday's would be get a large bottle...Sometimes that wouldn't last the whole weekend.

Good lord...What insane behavior. Thank goodness i'm not living that way any longer.

I used to dump mine in the recycling bin at the park. I'd go around 2AM with all my bags of empties so no one at home would catch on. I did this in every place I was renting a room. Eventually I just started drinking every night, so I couldn't drive to the park, and that is how I got caught. What my fiance found was only a fraction of years of alcohol abuse, and he was still horrified.

What was worse (or maybe better since it wised me up) is that my boyfriend had been secretly setting "traps" and then ask me about my drinking and I would flat out lie to his face but, he KNEW the truth. I thought I was so smart. I don't ever want to be that person again. Drinking made me deceitful. Yuck!

Three trash bags full of liter empties was not uncommon for me. Funnily enough, usually I would take my trash out behind the apartment, and then walk to the liquor store, as the trash barrels were on the way.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Yeap, 1 bottle at a time and a rotation of stores!!

I remember standing in line at a liquor store. I hated it when there was a long line because I wanted to just get home and drink, but also because I was shaking so bad, just standing was a challenge. Always tried to have the cash, since using my debit card was a challenge, leaning over the machine, trying to see the numbers. Even pulling out the money was a challenge, with my hands shaking so much. Must of been obvious, but didn't care. Just wanted to get out of there and get home. Then start over in a day or two. What a way to live. Takes a lot of work to be a drunk. Timing, cash on hand, which store to go to, best roads to take to get home, getting to my apartment without falling down, etc. All of this just to drink. It's a lot easier to just get up in the morning without all this to think about, and go about my sober business and actually feel good about what I did. I am not stuck in an alcoholic routine, with no choices. I wake up every day with many possibilities. The only challenges I have now are what I place on myself. But at least I have the freedom now to deal with them. Being hand-cuffed is more than a legal problem. Find the key, and it will set you free. John

Well said, 2muchpain!:c011:

I always bought handles, best value where I live. When I was drinking heavily I bought one about every 3 days, wouldn't drink them in 3 days, but knew I'd run dry on the 4th day and would re-stock. Also altered my liquor stores. stupid, insane, and paranoid. I still was weekend warrior until recently and just went to one store since I only bought 1 per week. Didn't feel so "bad". I dunno. But I appreciate you starting this thread because we all have such interesting experiences to get our fix.

Let's face it, being a drunk is a lot of work. IMO, being a drunk is a lot more work than not being a drunk. Just think of all the effort it takes to continue to drink. When you list all the stuff you have to do to continue this lifestyle, it would be long. For me, it takes a lot less thinking to go from point A to point B without all the little things to consider. If I want to go to a movie, I get up, dress and go. If I want to go to the beach, I pack what I need and go. No need to plan around my shakes or which liquor store to go to. Now that's freedom. Even free to have a bad day is freedom, because it's real and will pass. Addiction just keeps you stuck in the moment. The excitement of the highs and lows and the growth that comes from it doesn't happen when drinking. Life just gets dull. For me, what makes life worthwhile is not just the good things that happen but the challenge of dealing with difficult circumstances, and finding ways to work through them. So I say, get up and fight. Appreciate what you have and appreciate what your future holds for you. John

I almost bought a liquor store market once way back in my hay day man that would have took me to a fast bottom. If it didn't kill me first.

MM

I think it's interesting how many people went to different stores to hide from the clerks knowing. I always went to the same one because it was close. They "loved" me. I felt real special.

Yes I went every single day (and rotated). My goal was to buy just enough to pass myself out and that amount kept increasing and increasing until sometimes I felt pretty sober after 14 drinks.

I also knew the shifts of the employees at the liquor store so I would try to see different employees when I would go. Morning shift was 8-4 and evening shift was 4-12. However, if the same employee was working I really stop giving a crap and just went in anyways. For the last two or three years all my pride was gone.

My god that was stressful when a friend would come over or something and ask for a drink. That would throw off my whole very scientific plan. Then the debate would begin: am I too drunk to drive and get more? Is it too far to walk?

I was not an everyday shopper but no matter where I've lived they all got to know me......now it's the ladies in the grocery store who see me at all hours in all kinds of outfits ...... With or without make up......I don't know the other clientele though.....it's just a small area in the store but boy would I like to know what sales are per square foot there....?actually never thought about that till now.

Really guys, what's the point. Drinking through the day makes no sense when you think about it. It really makes no difference when it comes to anything your dealing with. Getting up in the morning means you are better fit to deal with would ever you have to deal with it. It doesn't have to deal with god will do with this or your spiritually will have to do with that. That's all good if you
if your in to the spirituality stuff. The bottom line is that YOU are the person who has to get out of your bed and deal with life. A spiritual connection is great, but in the end you need to take care of yourself and your sobriety ,
nobody is going to come from the heavens and wave a magic wand
Saying no is part of recovery. For me, saying yes is what got
me in the mess I am in. If there was a god that directed me, I'd be dead today.
My god wants better for me. John

Hey Melinda, I'm glad you brought this up, I remember being the same way. If a buddy stopped by for a few, it threw everything out of whack. My god, that is bad isn't it?

What's bad is waiting for the liquor department to open in the morning. I remember looking at the clock when I got up thinking 'how am I going to be able to wait until 7 or 8 am'?! That is so bad. :(

Oh yeah. I was a daily routine buyer. I used to control my intake that that way. Didn't want to drink too much you know and this was going to be my last buy..LOL!

Oh yeah, it's bad when we get to that point. I resented friends coming over and sharing my stash. I guarded and worshipped my availability to alcohol above anything and everyone in my life. I was angry all the time. So glad to be done with that.

The cycle of buying and worrying and buying and worrying was maddening. One of my personal golden rules or realizations is that active alcoholism is perhaps the least relaxing state of mind to be in. The least peaceful. The least content. I was miserable even when I had all the booze I could consume in one evening and alone to drink it by myself. The sense of impending doom was a constant companion.

I would always tell myself, I will only get a 12 pack. That way I would control my intake for the night. Then I would find my way back the same night for two more double duces. That would surely be enough right? Then I would head back up (same night) for two more double duces. I did this cycle for years and fooled myself into believing it would only be a 12 pack for the night. Pure insanity.