scared and new
 

I have never admitted to myself I have a problem with alcohol although I have known for a very long time. I drink daily but usually manage to get to work with a smile. About lunchtime I pretend I have a choice about whether I have a drink that night or not and usually justify this by thinking ive had a bad day or I dont have an issue.
Its been 4 years I am scared I want to be normal like other people, I am anxious all the time and irrational. I would like to plan to go somewhere and go rather than be so hungover I cant function.

Somehow getting it out it making it real. This is day two which I manage every month or so, here I go. My stomach is burning and im itchy all over but I know this will be better in a few days and thats when I pretend to myself I dont have a problem again. Not this time !!

Welcome to SR bluesky .

A lot of encouragement and wisdom around if you get involved .

Keep on :You_Rock_

m

Welcome bluesky - I know you'll find a home here - we're all very friendly :)

Posting here and reading other people's stories really help me remember I really did have a problem.

SR helped me change my life. I know we can help you do the same :)

D

Hi bluesky, you sound so much like I was >3 years ago, and I promise you that life is much better after you stop drinking. It can be hard getting rid of old habits, and dealing with cravings, but that stage doesn't last forever. The payoff is feeling happy and well the next morning, losing weight, not having to bargain with yourself about drinking, more money in your wallet, and having a positive self-image.
I suggest you change your habits around the time you normally drink, eat plenty of food you like (you'll have the spare calories), and don't allow yourself to get too hungry, tired or stressed.

Welcome,

I followed the same pattern too. I'm on day five of sobriety and I'm having to do a lot of work on my recovery plan in order to stop repeating the same pattern.

Read around and join in if you want, everyone is very friendly and supportive here :-)

Thank you for you reply. I haven't stopped crying whilst writing or since posting it, its a relief to get it out. But it's also hard to not pretend anymore.

Thank you xx

Hey, being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of if you stop drinking. It will only become relevant to my life if I allow it to.

Thank you, its really supportive to know someone has been where I am and is now where I want to be. Your reply has meant alot. Thank you

Welcome bluesky :) Your first sentence in your OP could have been written by me, now I've been sober for two years, you came to the right place to get support for your recovery.

Welcome to the family! :hug: You've come to a good place for support and useful info. I'm glad you joined us! :)

Hi and welcome to a place where people understand.

I think it’s natural to be afraid of the unknown, just try not let it steer you back to the same old same old patterns.

I’ve been to many thousands of meetings and don’t recall anyone ever saying their aim was to be an alcoholic. To this day I find most to be grateful for following the sober path that they did.

That path started with us being honest with ourselves about OUR drinking AND ACCEPTING the fact we cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row in safety.

Then the work begins which can be reading a lot of posts here, perhaps attending a lot of meetings and associating mainly with sober people. Included would be changes we need to make to recognize and repair the reasons we drank.

This can easily return us to a sober life and be the person we want to be.

BE WELL

Welcome Bluesky

Welcome! You will find as time goes on that voice in your head that says this time it will be different, this time you can control it. Don't listen! Have you considered an AA meeting? Or some form of support including this site?

I hadn't considered any support until I found this site. I didnt know what to do or where to turn. I have been reading this forum and just to know there are people like you who understand is abit overwhelming at the moment. I think I need to look at aa meeting's as ive tried so many times before. I am really grateful for all your support already.

Welcome to the Forum Bluesky!! :wave:

its day four !!
 

This is my second day four this year, ive not had a day 5 as yet but that's changing tomorrow.
This time feels worse so im glad its the last time im doing it. Still itchy and getting hot flushes bur iis not as bad. More exhausted today, I usually wake around 2 am till 5-6 am then sleep another hour then fo to work. Last night I slept midnight till 6.30 am !! So I think I must be catching up. Taking multi vitamins and iron. Plenty of water and eating lots of rubbish which i'm really wanting.
Cant wait for itching/ tingling to stop its awful. Keeping writing to re commit but also to re read when I forget how ****** this feels.

Thanks guys for your support xx

Just another little note to self showing how im doing !!

Its day five !!!! Im tired but in a comforting naturally tired not exhausted strung out way. The itchy prickly feeling is soooo much better and my face is lless tingly. I've had headaches but ive been at work and today was hard but I wasnt anxious or hungover which is an amazing blessing.
Today I felt like a normal person feels, alcohol is there in my mind but coming to this site is an amazing tool. Little things like seeing my name on the 24 mire thread and people there acknowledging my struggle and small acheivements such as Dee, courage2 and soberwolf means the absolute world to me right now.
I looked around the office today and felt like a functioning part rather than trying to act like a functioning part if that makes sense. People of this forum are amazing, we will do this together. We will heal xx

Bluesky, Day 5 is great. Good for you!

It sounds like you're feeling better physically and beginning to feel better mentally, too. :)

Thank you for this its amazing for you to take the time LBrain

Thank you Anna, not trying to get ahead of myself but it's new exciting ground for once. One day at a time :)

Really glad you're here with us!
We've all been where you are - good news = sobriety is there for anyone who is accepting, ready and willing to change. Many examples post here daily!

Keep posting and just take this one day at a time. It's really pretty simple!

Day 8 !!!! Day flippin 8
Yesterday I didnt update but there was not an issue I was working late then sseeing to the house things.

Im still tired only managed 4 hours the night before last for some reason. Slept like a baby last night.
Im happy and best of all I've nearly lost the dreaded itch !!!! That with the racing heart and sweats has been the bain of the last few days.
This site has helped because of the wonderful people on it. I feel part of a community of fearless warrior's who bear their souls to help complete stranger's which is what you're doing for me. I will get courage to do the same, im just worried I'll say the wrong thing sometimes.

Thank you I love being part of this community, thanks for letting my be part of it

I can relate to everything you've said. Thank you for being so honest, I am on day 3 myself.

Hi bluesky, keep up the awesome work! It is OK to say the wrong thing as long as you keep coming back. Hah! There is so much to learn about ourselves and who we are without alcohol. There's a beautiful flow to life in recovery. I'm glad you are in it!

:grouphug:

I've been drinking. I did 16 days sober then drank for two evening's at the weekend, didnt drink during the week and pretended to myself I was ok. Then I started drinking on Thursday after work and its now monday and i haven't stopped. yesterday I was drunk from lunch onwards. Dont remember much other than watching tv with my 15 year old son, then nothing. I have been awake for the last two hours and want the ground to open and swallow me.
Im so ashamed. I don't know if I upset my son or anything ?? I really felt I was in control but I am just fooling myself. The one thing I had to do was just not drink. I am never doing this again. I know these next few days are going to be horrendous but knowing if my son needs me I am incapable of helping him is killing me.

Hi you should forgive the inexcusable in yourself because God has already forgiven you. You can still be successful. You took a detour from your journey but you are back on track. This downfall has given you some wisdom. Take it and use it for the rest of your journey! You can do this and you have too!

Yes your right I have learnt I cannot drink and be in any kind of control. I cant hide from this fact. I just feel so ashamed of myself as a mother. I will not let him down again.

Please hang in there...for yourself. Try to make it minute by minute to get the clean time.

I'm sorry you're struggling, but I'm glad you made it back bluesky :)

D