scared and new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 50
scared and new
I have never admitted to myself I have a problem with alcohol although I have known for a very long time. I drink daily but usually manage to get to work with a smile. About lunchtime I pretend I have a choice about whether I have a drink that night or not and usually justify this by thinking ive had a bad day or I dont have an issue.
Its been 4 years I am scared I want to be normal like other people, I am anxious all the time and irrational. I would like to plan to go somewhere and go rather than be so hungover I cant function.
Somehow getting it out it making it real. This is day two which I manage every month or so, here I go. My stomach is burning and im itchy all over but I know this will be better in a few days and thats when I pretend to myself I dont have a problem again. Not this time !!
Its been 4 years I am scared I want to be normal like other people, I am anxious all the time and irrational. I would like to plan to go somewhere and go rather than be so hungover I cant function.
Somehow getting it out it making it real. This is day two which I manage every month or so, here I go. My stomach is burning and im itchy all over but I know this will be better in a few days and thats when I pretend to myself I dont have a problem again. Not this time !!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Welcome bluesky - I know you'll find a home here - we're all very friendly 
Posting here and reading other people's stories really help me remember I really did have a problem.
SR helped me change my life. I know we can help you do the same
D
Posting here and reading other people's stories really help me remember I really did have a problem.
SR helped me change my life. I know we can help you do the same
D
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi bluesky, you sound so much like I was >3 years ago, and I promise you that life is much better after you stop drinking. It can be hard getting rid of old habits, and dealing with cravings, but that stage doesn't last forever. The payoff is feeling happy and well the next morning, losing weight, not having to bargain with yourself about drinking, more money in your wallet, and having a positive self-image.
I suggest you change your habits around the time you normally drink, eat plenty of food you like (you'll have the spare calories), and don't allow yourself to get too hungry, tired or stressed.
I suggest you change your habits around the time you normally drink, eat plenty of food you like (you'll have the spare calories), and don't allow yourself to get too hungry, tired or stressed.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Welcome,
I followed the same pattern too. I'm on day five of sobriety and I'm having to do a lot of work on my recovery plan in order to stop repeating the same pattern.
Read around and join in if you want, everyone is very friendly and supportive here :-)
I followed the same pattern too. I'm on day five of sobriety and I'm having to do a lot of work on my recovery plan in order to stop repeating the same pattern.
Read around and join in if you want, everyone is very friendly and supportive here :-)
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by bluesky45 
Thank you for you reply. I haven't stopped crying whilst writing or since posting it, its a relief to get it out. But it's also hard to not pretend anymore.
Thank you xx
Thank you xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hi bluesky, you sound so much like I was >3 years ago, and I promise you that life is much better after you stop drinking. It can be hard getting rid of old habits, and dealing with cravings, but that stage doesn't last forever. The payoff is feeling happy and well the next morning, losing weight, not having to bargain with yourself about drinking, more money in your wallet, and having a positive self-image.
I suggest you change your habits around the time you normally drink, eat plenty of food you like (you'll have the spare calories), and don't allow yourself to get too hungry, tired or stressed.
I suggest you change your habits around the time you normally drink, eat plenty of food you like (you'll have the spare calories), and don't allow yourself to get too hungry, tired or stressed.
You've come to a good place for support and useful info. I'm glad you joined us! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome to a place where people understand.
I think it’s natural to be afraid of the unknown, just try not let it steer you back to the same old same old patterns.
I’ve been to many thousands of meetings and don’t recall anyone ever saying their aim was to be an alcoholic. To this day I find most to be grateful for following the sober path that they did.
That path started with us being honest with ourselves about OUR drinking AND ACCEPTING the fact we cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row in safety.
Then the work begins which can be reading a lot of posts here, perhaps attending a lot of meetings and associating mainly with sober people. Included would be changes we need to make to recognize and repair the reasons we drank.
This can easily return us to a sober life and be the person we want to be.
BE WELL
I think it’s natural to be afraid of the unknown, just try not let it steer you back to the same old same old patterns.
I’ve been to many thousands of meetings and don’t recall anyone ever saying their aim was to be an alcoholic. To this day I find most to be grateful for following the sober path that they did.
That path started with us being honest with ourselves about OUR drinking AND ACCEPTING the fact we cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row in safety.
Then the work begins which can be reading a lot of posts here, perhaps attending a lot of meetings and associating mainly with sober people. Included would be changes we need to make to recognize and repair the reasons we drank.
This can easily return us to a sober life and be the person we want to be.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Welcome! You will find as time goes on that voice in your head that says this time it will be different, this time you can control it. Don't listen! Have you considered an AA meeting? Or some form of support including this site?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 50
I hadn't considered any support until I found this site. I didnt know what to do or where to turn. I have been reading this forum and just to know there are people like you who understand is abit overwhelming at the moment. I think I need to look at aa meeting's as ive tried so many times before. I am really grateful for all your support already.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 50
its day four !!
This is my second day four this year, ive not had a day 5 as yet but that's changing tomorrow.
This time feels worse so im glad its the last time im doing it. Still itchy and getting hot flushes bur iis not as bad. More exhausted today, I usually wake around 2 am till 5-6 am then sleep another hour then fo to work. Last night I slept midnight till 6.30 am !! So I think I must be catching up. Taking multi vitamins and iron. Plenty of water and eating lots of rubbish which i'm really wanting.
Cant wait for itching/ tingling to stop its awful. Keeping writing to re commit but also to re read when I forget how ****** this feels.
Thanks guys for your support xx
This time feels worse so im glad its the last time im doing it. Still itchy and getting hot flushes bur iis not as bad. More exhausted today, I usually wake around 2 am till 5-6 am then sleep another hour then fo to work. Last night I slept midnight till 6.30 am !! So I think I must be catching up. Taking multi vitamins and iron. Plenty of water and eating lots of rubbish which i'm really wanting.
Cant wait for itching/ tingling to stop its awful. Keeping writing to re commit but also to re read when I forget how ****** this feels.
Thanks guys for your support xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 50
Just another little note to self showing how im doing !!
Its day five !!!! Im tired but in a comforting naturally tired not exhausted strung out way. The itchy prickly feeling is soooo much better and my face is lless tingly. I've had headaches but ive been at work and today was hard but I wasnt anxious or hungover which is an amazing blessing.
Today I felt like a normal person feels, alcohol is there in my mind but coming to this site is an amazing tool. Little things like seeing my name on the 24 mire thread and people there acknowledging my struggle and small acheivements such as Dee, courage2 and soberwolf means the absolute world to me right now.
I looked around the office today and felt like a functioning part rather than trying to act like a functioning part if that makes sense. People of this forum are amazing, we will do this together. We will heal xx
Its day five !!!! Im tired but in a comforting naturally tired not exhausted strung out way. The itchy prickly feeling is soooo much better and my face is lless tingly. I've had headaches but ive been at work and today was hard but I wasnt anxious or hungover which is an amazing blessing.
Today I felt like a normal person feels, alcohol is there in my mind but coming to this site is an amazing tool. Little things like seeing my name on the 24 mire thread and people there acknowledging my struggle and small acheivements such as Dee, courage2 and soberwolf means the absolute world to me right now.
I looked around the office today and felt like a functioning part rather than trying to act like a functioning part if that makes sense. People of this forum are amazing, we will do this together. We will heal xx
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