Facing Reality
 

I am in my early 40s and have been a heavy drinker since I was 18.

Alcoholism hasn't stopped me getting three university degrees and having a successful career as a senior partner in a professional services firm. But it is slowly killing me I think.

The ability to function while hungover has allowed me to hide from the truth for a very, very long time. But the truth is that almost every day I drink at lunch and almost every night I drink a bottle of wine and about half a bottle of Armagnac. And just about every second week I have at least one serious binge, that usually commences with a boozy lunch and ends with some memory loss.

Almost every morning I wake feeling very sick from a hangover and take codeine and pseudoephedrine to "manage" the symptoms and allow me to function.

I first admitted to myself that I had a serious problem around 6 years ago, after I was admitted to hospital after drinking myself senseless at a work Christmas party. I managed my drinking much better for a while, but it is out of control again now.

I joined these forums in 2012 when things were spiraling out of control again on the booze (and at that time marijuana) front, and again I tidied up for a while.

I have a wonderful wife and gorgeous kids and it is long past time I grew up and kicked my addiction to alcohol. Having a cellar with a few thousand bottles of very expensive Italian and French wine doesn't help, but I'm not sure I'm cut out to be that civilized chap who can enjoy a glass over dinner and leave it at that.

Anyway, this time I've decided to emerge from the shadows and share my journey publicly (albeit anonymously), to encourage me and make me feel a sense of accountability. Thanks in advance for the support and I'll let you know how I go. Hoping this post will be a turning point I can look back on and that I never have another hangover.

Welcome! :) I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. :)

Welcome to the Forum Betterthiings!! :wave:

You can turn this around, and you'll find loads of support here on SR to help you achieve it!! :)

Welcome to the forum.

Welcome Betterthings

Hi betterthiings.

Welcome to SR :) I really relate to your post. Everything looking relatively shiny and successful on the surface, but very dark in my own (secret) reality... Just like you, I also admitted to myself clearly that I had a serious drinking problem about 6 years before I truly did something about it. I also sometimes took stimulants to be able to stand up to my demanding work schedules in some periods, and sometimes they really messed with me especially mixed with alcohol.

I quit drinking just a little before I turned 40 (close to 14 months now) and I would never go back to my old ways for anything. Do it now, it's a perfect time, before any significant losses would occur. I've pretty much found the solution to my drinking problem via SR, give it a chance!

I found support here, and I hope you find it as well. We all have that one thing in common that no one else can understand

Welcome to SR Betterthiings. Great community with a ton of support here.

Your story sounds a lot like mine and others here. I'm in my early 40's, have a great wife, two beautiful kids, awesome and well paying job. Outside of my current sobriety, I have been drinking since around 18. My drinking evolved from enjoyable to life threatening throughout 20+ years. in 2007 I was diagnosed with fatty liver disease which is when I cut out all hard liquor and replaced it with beer and wine! Lol, its funny to ever see how I could rationalize that. I had trouble even catching a buzz after drinking a case of beer or a whole "box" of wine a few years later.

A couple years ago I started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. That led to drinking in the mornings on weekends and late mornings / early afternoons at the office. To the outside world, I was still functioning, but I new the truth and it was literally killing me.

I finally quit for good 253 days ago today.

You can do it, there are plenty of stories here that will give you hope.

I would have never made it without the SR community.

It helped me to read as many threads as possible early on and post often.

Best of luck, we are here to help!

I am so glad you are here.

Sorry to ask this question but after reading many posts, how do people get away with drinking at lunch?

I own my own business (construction related) and this would never fly. two years ago a caught a couple guys having a beer at lunch (in a restaurant) I told them it was the first and last time they would drink at work.

Thomas11

In my industry boozy lunches are an accepted part of the marketing process and a way to manage and entrench client relationships.

Welcome to SR betterthings!

Great to meet you betterthiings. You're among people who understand and care. You can do it!

Betterthiings, I can relate. I'm 29 and am working my way through a graduate degree while working full time in financial services. I never got to drinking every day, but pretty much every other day. I'd use about three Advil and a caffeine pill to wake me up the nights after drinking so I could get to work on time and function. Would take two caffeine pills on days I had class after work.

I too drank mysef senseless (at a sporting event) in 2013 and while I managed to get into a taxi somehow and into my neighborhood, I woke up in the ER. Regrettably, I drank again the following night, but after a bad binge in June of last year, I'd had enough of the blackouts. After 30 days sober, I sorta felt cured and started drinking in moderation, with a bit of success at first. I think I was just itching to get hammered tho and then while out with friends in October, got so drunk I passed out on the subway and woke up in the hospital. That kept me sober about a week and November/December were really a blur, drinking heavily, often alone, two to three nights a week. January I was out of the country for two weeks and managed to cut down a bit while in Australia of all places, but when I got back, I had bad jetlag and just work/school/relationship induced stress by drinking heavily. Then lo and behold, out watching sports with my friends four weeks ago today, I got obliterated while celebrating after an exciting game and passed out in the hallway of my apartment building. Woke up in the hospital for the third time.

Today was a minefield for me with co-workers and clients (I have the expense account and have a big budget to treat clients) asking to go out for St. patty's.

Welcome to SR! I find it good to come on here and vent (kinda like I just did), when I fee cravings and just reiterate to myself why I simply cannot drink at all.

Welcome back betterthiings :)

Welcome.

welcome BT!

it's pretty awesome to not have hangovers. Like, REALLY awesome! :)

Hi betterthiings and welcome.

I am very new here too but not new to trying to change my drinking. I read your quote above. We get used to drinking large quantities as normal, don't we? But the truth is that your daily intake is actually a serious binge - let alone your fortnightly blowout!

The great news about this is that, after a while, the extent to which you could feel better in your daily life is almost unlimited - given time.

I used to work in a sphere where it was common to have boozy lunches and nights with clients. It has only been since I started to drastically cut down my own drinking that I realised how much more boozy my client lunches were than those of my colleagues. I thought everyone was the same but it turned out to be a bit of an observer's paradox.

Anyway, great that you are here. I have decided to stop after a long taper. The contrast between sober periods and 'sessions' is now so marked that is a no brainer for me. Doesn't mean I won't stuff up but right now I am accepting of the fact that I am not a slow glass of wine kind of a chap either - except in my most airbrushed fantasies! :-)

Best of luck to you, sir, from someone else just getting out of the blocks.

Chordcowboy

About to enter day 3. Have been very motivated by the support shown here. The insomnia is awful, a headache is a constant companion and my throat feels like I've been grabbed and shaken, but otherwise the detox symptoms aren't too bad.

Looking forward to some sleep, but determined it'll be real sleep when it arrives and not to induce it with a chemical. In the meantime I will just keep reading SR until my body learns how to function sober.

Welcome betterthiings! Glad you're here.

You should call a Dr or go to the ER if you start having bad detox symptoms like sweating, anxiety and heart racing (BP will elevate too). Day 3 is usually the peak. Detoxing alone is not something to mess with.

Hi Betterthiings

Good to hear from you.

you are doing very well - not quite up to the heady heights of my day 5 yet of course but very well ! :-)

Neither you nor I ever have to go through such a thing again do we? That has got to be good news, eh?

You are doing the necessary hard yards for which I commend you, sir!

CC

Welcome BetterThings.

Welcome Betterthings. Your story is a copy of my story. I think that alcohol is so socially accepted that one can get addicted to acohol without even realising it. I always used to drink a lot, but till my tirties everybody drinks a lot. Nowadays, also it's only my family and myself who really as a problem with my drinking habbits.

I stopped a month ago and i'm really happy about it. In the beginning is difficult but afterwards it's goin better and better. And like you said i have to go eat with clients almost every day at lunch (and almost every evening go to dinner with clients/friends/family). For me it was impossible to to do that without drinking alcohol. Now i still go to restaurants (so i didn't stop that) almost every day but always with a coke zero :) And i let my companions choose to drink or not. I will never say anything about it. And to be honest i haven't the slidest problem with someone drinking with me. I'm just happy that i CAN go to restaurants without alcohol :)

3 days is wonderful betterthiings. The uncomfortable early days are a challenge, but things should ease up soon.

Hi betterthings...and welcome. I am quite new here...only 33 days sober for the first time in my life. So it feels cheeky of me to welcome someone else, when i'm such a newbie...but i was pulled in reading your post - by the recognition of some of the things you said... Like you, I've managed to gain 3 university degrees, build a good career, function well, etc, etc...but, accompanied by alcohol all the way through...alcohol doesn't 'choose'. I also have been unable til now to 'come public' albeit only on a forum. But it's already helped me ...sort of breathe easier about my predicament.

I feel glad you've joined us. I found such a warm welcome here, and looks like you already have too. Hang around if you can?

Just an update.... after a month of holding firm I had a hiccup over a few days. So here I am, resetting and having another try. Very disappointed with myself but trying not to be too negative and to commit to another serious attempt to be sober.

That happened to me too a few times. I guess I still thought I had some control, even though I'd proven to myself hundreds of times that I didn't. I finally had enough - and the last time 'took' :). You can do it betterthiings.

I'm so disappointed. After a couple of good years I somehow let this poison enter my life again and I am back to a cycle of abuse starting at lunch, finishing with early bed and then nursing a hangover to lunch.

So here I am, hitting reset again.

Welcome back betterthiings, sorry to hear that you went back to drinking. I'm glad you decided to return though. What was it you were doing during those 2 years sober to stay that way?

Welcome back, what a sick insidious addiction this is.

Do you have a plan to change anything this time around?