ScottFromWI

I will reflect on your question further - it is a good one. Over those two years I was not teetotal, but managed to avoid drinking enough to get hungover. I always volunteered as designated driver, to pickup the kids from late night events etc. I thought I had things balanced. Meditation and learning a musical instrument in middle age helped too.

But man it's a slippery slope and I'm back to binging 3-5 times a week.

I can't really explain how much it means to have a forum like this where people understand and as it has helped me is the past I hope to get sober again. This time I'm planning to stay checked in and not forget and slide.

Really glad you made it back.

I have to stop forever. There is no capacity to self-regulate long term and one slip leads to another.

It sucks, because I love that 3 glass in feeling... but I'm too addicted to risk social drinking.

Hi bt - welcome to SR. Lovely to have you with us. SR saved my sanity so I hope that it will help you as much too :)

Aside from the oodles of great support here, there are also some excellent threads on the site about the positives you gain whilst giving up the sauce - better sleep, relationships, etc etc etc - the list is endless. They always cheer me right up and make me wonder what I saw in the damn thing to begin with! (I was a bottle of spirits (+) a day kinda gal for 35 years but NOTHING beats waking up full of life and looking forwards not inwards).

Please keep us posted. Looking forward to it :) Yix x

Sorry bt - the rest of the threads came in all at once and I only had the first few when I posted :( Please don't give up - it's a hard battle but it is worth it. I promise. x

I'm a similar drunk to you - 41, married, professional, kid etc. I also have been on SR for a long time. I've never gotten 2 years of sobriety under my belt though - that's impressive.

But I too have finally come to the end of the road. I'm on day 41/42 - and not going to drink ever again.

What is your plan not to drink?

So many similarities betterthings. I have a great life, with a lovely wife and kids, great home, great career, etc. I too was successful in moderating several times, for long periods, until it spun out of control every time. I know now that moderation is not doable for me. Even after long periods of abstinence. I made the personal decision to give it up for good. At the end of the day i am not really giving up anything, but gaining so much.

Keep going. You can do this.

lessgravity

I am working on the plan now. Part of it is to see a professional, as part of my problem is that due to being high functioning while still obviously alcoholic not everyone sees my drinking as being as big a problem as it is. That is only because they're not there at 3am in the morning when I have my head in the toilet, which is not conduct that should go into your 20s, let alone your 40s. So far I have been pretty lucky that alcohol hasn't done more damage to my body and my life (and yes, it has already done its fair share), but I'm now at an age where if I don't stop I won't make old bones.

From past experiences, the things that work well for me include:

1. keeping a diary and tracking progress;
2. avoiding business lunches or choosing venues that are not centered around a wine list;
3. one or both of dedicating time every day to playing a musical instrument or to mediation;
4. running;
5. drinking LOTS of tea and using the tea ritual to replace the wine ritual;
6. making sure I'm not the last person in the house to turn in at night;
7. being disciplined about getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night - and staying in bed even during the insomnia phases (during which SR is an awesome place to frequent, read, be inspired by and feel connected to people who really understand as only an addict can).

I am disappointed because I thought that - this time - I really had managed the moderation thing and could lead a normal life. However, it keeps leading back here and as I said earlier, if I don't stop now I can be pretty sure what is going to kill me. I do NOT want to be reopening this thread in 1, 3, 5 years or ever again.

Welcome back betterthings - after I gave up on the idea of moderation being possible for me things got a lot better - I hope they will for you too :)

D

Hi Better, welcome back! Sorry to hear about you drifting back into your old habits. I have a similar background, also in professional services, but a decade older and I can only emphasize that you are doing the right thing fighting this every step of the way. I will catch up with you eventually - you either stop now or your body will do it for you, as it did with me (high blood pressure, gout, and other bobos).
Of course client relationships are an ongoing challenges, but the stakes are just too high - it’s our lives and our families against a few bottles of Supertoscani or whatever.
Thanks so much for posting, it is a stark reminder and warning for the rest of us.

One read I can recommend if you don’t know it already:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html.

An excerpt:
35) Complacency kills. In fact, this is the only real long term challenge in recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism. Everything else is just mere details. But getting lazy about personal growth is the final challenge, because it is really the only way to regress back into our addictive mode. If you are not pushing yourself to grow in recovery, then you might be getting closer to relapse. One of the best ways to fight against this is to constantly challenge yourself to improve your own health and to reach out and help others in new ways. Doing these things is a hedge against the danger of becoming complacent.

Good luck on your journey!

All that sounds really good to me. Clearly you know what works.

I've given up, finally, on any concept of "moderation" myself. A fool's game really - people without a drinking addiction wouldn't even know what that all means, yet here on these boards the concept of "moderation" comes up again and again - often with people falling off just like you and me.

Here's to finally becoming the men we were meant to be. I know I can't ever be that person, without being sober.

Stay strong.

Welcome
 

Hangovers are the worst. 2 days ago, I was sitting on the couch and my 4 and 6 year old daughters were "taking care of sick mommy." I am embarrassed.... Humiliated to admit this. I too, am well educated, and high functioning. And, I love my vodka martinis with clients!!! I made it to 6 days and then was tempted and gave it. I am now on day 2... All over again. I welcome you here. We can succeed and be thr parents we strive to be...live the life we want and can do it without alcohol in our lives. I am here to support you. Thank you for supporting me...

I was born during WWII and educated in Boston / Cambridge Mass. when education focused on the humanities, which it doesn’t today, the humanities engenders critical thinking skills.

Most would not believe my business success, as it has been said, truth is stranger than fiction.

I’ve rubbed elbows with some of the most famous people in history, in the arts, business and science. I could drop names and yes, I’m a name dropper, but the difference between me and many name droppers, is that I’ve had close relationships with some of these people, some others, I wouldn’t give you 2 cents for. My crown jewel in that day (I thought) was being married to a trophy wife movie star, recording artist. My life at that time was based on money, property, and prestige(materialism), which is an outside job that along with alcohol kept fixing my insides that was riddled with shame, guilt and I’m not enough-ism, that is until it stopped working and then I was in deep trouble.

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with my deep trouble, and discovered the 12 Step Model which is self-examination. I took the steps and got sober. At those meetings I saw some of the same famous people I’d rubbed elbows with for years, including some of the ones I wouldn’t have given 2 cents years before, but I ended-up liking them. What I learned in AA, I attempted to pass-on to others, but not just alcoholics, I pass it on in all my affairs.

Today I'm not so prone to do the material outside world, but do my insides where life happens. As it states in the Alcoholics Anonymous text, in the Spiritual Experience, are the most powerful words I have experience in my life, I quote “With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness." There were members then and today and I know some, that are not religious, some are atheist or agnostic that have also tapped an unsuspected inner resource”.

betterthiings writes>>>Alcoholism hasn't stopped me getting three university degrees and having a successful career as a senior partner in a professional services firm. But it is slowly killing me I think. <<<

I was born during WWII and educated in Boston / Cambridge Mass. when education focused on the humanities, which it doesn’t today, the humanities engenders critical thinking skills.

Most would not believe my business success, as it has been said, truth is stranger than fiction.

I’ve rubbed elbows with some of the most famous people in history, in the arts, business and science. I could drop names and yes, I’m a name dropper, but the difference between me and many name droppers, is that I’ve had close relationships with some of these people, some others, I wouldn’t give you 2 cents for. My crown jewel in that day (I thought) was being married to a trophy wife movie star, recording artist. My life at that time was based on money, property, and prestige(materialism), which is an outside job that along with alcohol kept fixing my insides that was riddled with shame, guilt and I’m not enough-ism, that is until it stopped working and then I was in deep trouble.

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with my deep trouble, and discovered the 12 Step Model which is self-examination. I took the steps and got sober. At those meetings I saw some of the same famous people I’d rubbed elbows with for years, including some of the ones I wouldn’t have given 2 cents for years before, but I ended-up liking them. What I learned in AA, I attempted to pass-on to others, but not just alcoholics, I pass it on in all my affairs.

Today I'm not so prone to do the material outside world, but do my insides, where life happens. As it states in the Alcoholics Anonymous text, in the Spiritual Experience, are the most powerful words I have experience in my life, “an unsuspected inner resource” I quote “With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness." There were members then and today and I know some, that are not religious, some are atheist or agnostic that have also tapped “an unsuspected inner resource”.

My experience was different. When I came into the rooms of AA I basically had nothing. Barely holding on to work and my wife (g/f at the time) had left me. I had to borrow 3 grand from my mother just so I could get out of a flop and into a small apartment.

In sobriety I did the things I used to go on about when drinking. Not all panned out but that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that I tried. No mid-life crisis for me,

I recall maybe six years of so into sobriety when my life had picked up and I went on an extended holiday. There I was bitching about this or that when it dawned on me: I got what I wanted (job-related) and here I was whining.

To be sure sobriety is more than simply putting down the bottle. Although everything else is irreverent if you don`t.

But the one thing I have never forgotten in sobriety is where my life was when I joined AA. Because no matter how I spin things I can never convince myself that whatever is going on (read: U.S. financial meltdown in 2008) my life isn`t much better today than when I was drinking especially the last few years.

My problems today are all of a quality nature and a direct result of being sober.

I just checked in to look at the date.

Going well here. Got to a point where counting days wasn’t motivating anymore, but I see it’s approaching 10 months sober. My life is so much clearer without drugs and alcohol and it’s amazing to reflect on how quickly it can get better just by abstaining.

This site has been incredibly motivating and given me a sense of shared understanding with a group of beautiful people struggling with the same ordeal. I can’t believe I joined in 2012 and it’s really taken this long to feel properly on track, but to anyone out there reading this, don’t give up on yourself.

For me alcohol involved constant hangover cycles, bouts of behaving like a ********, propensity to combine with other drugs, sometimes being angry for no good reason and being unavailable for friends, family and colleagues sometimes due to intoxication. Sober I am so much more empathetic and now realise what a ******** I can be when on the drink and how hurtful my behaviour has been to other people at times.

Thank you SR and I’m going to keep checking in from time to time and reminding myself how much physical and emotional pain I caused myself by poisoning myself every day and how lucky I am to have been able to escape.

Having usually only logged into SR feeling sick, embarrassed and wanting change, it’s nice to be able to return with some good time separating me from the bad times. After over 20 years of destructive binging it’s amazing being free. Keep going everyone... it’s incredibly difficult at the start and dealing with the emotions of failure when you slip up, but just keep trying because you can do it and enjoy the profoundly liberating experience of not drinking poison every day.