Gotta get it off my chest
 

I'm day four into sobriety... but I feel so scared I might go back, because I have never even told anyone that I am , or might be an alcoholic.
I am so glad I have not hurt or killed someone else or myself - or ended up in jail because of my stupid, stupid actions. I would drink all day at work, even when out shopping, I would carry a coffee cup around filled with wine to sip on.
I cant believe I just went cold turkey, and am not experiencing major withdrawl symptoms, ( other than a weird metal taste in my mouth ).
I bet I can make it thru another day, though; now that the fog is burning off, the way I was living was just insane

You can do this, BellDeMer. You ARE doing this. Take it one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. Your body, mind and soul are healing.

Stay close; we are here for you.

It depends who you are telling.

If you tell us, other alcoholics, alcohol counselors, doctors or people in your life that you know really love and care about you then maybe that would be a good start.

Telling your employer or the lady at the check out line, not so much.

For me it was a personal journey. It is for me and I don't feel the need to expose myself to others. There are many people that have personal issues that they don't feel the need to share with everyone and I consider this along the same lines.

The only time I have ever told anyone outside AA was to help another alcoholic.

I'm a stubborn person, and quite pig-headed if I do say so myself :)

Admitting I was an alcoholic took some time.

I just woke up one day and said :

"If people are admitting and getting help. Why can't I?"


Sober for almost 10 months and I wouldn't change a thing.


Gained a few good friends in the process too :)
...... some of them just won't admit that! ha-ha.........

I just realized - posted this in kind of the wrong forum - sorry about that ! And thanks everyone for the kind words

Welcome, BelleDeMer!

I'll move your post to newcomers. :)

Hi Belledemer exellent job getting to 4 days

i loved your part of the post where you said i bet i can make it through the day

The fog is clearing off !!!

Belle it will continue to clear off and yes there will be harddays but they are no where near as the insane days we used to live drinking

Awesome post my friend !!!

My recovery is a personal journey, too.

I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop drinking and change your life.

You can do this! A fresh start! Keep posting a reading! Can you tell someone close to you? It might help keep yourself accountable.

I wish I could tell someone close... but I'm scared the rest of my life might come crashing down. Sometimes I feel like I have built up a big house of cards with my drinking, and I need to prove that I can live without the aid of drink.
I was what you might call a "high-functioning alcoholic" going about my daily life , working hard and interacting with people while completely buzzed, all day long, and well into the night

I told the people that loved me and more importantly people I could trust.

As I have gotten more sobriety under my belt the circle of people has grown larger. Today I don't announce it to the world but I don't keep it a secret either

You are lucky, and I hope to get to where you are soon, but seriously I can't describe how much it scares me to let it out, but I know you all know how I feel

Good to meet you BDM! Glad to see you've made this decision for yourself. If you haven't already, the Big Book is good reading and can help you overcome some of what you're dealing with. Yes, many have been where you are and they've shared their experience, strength and hope in those pages. They helped me. It also helped me to attend AA meetings and where I found a loving, generous, sponsor who guided me through the Steps.

Thanks for your posts. Well done, you are doing great. All the advice above is good, tell your loved ones, try AA, come on here and read and post. Stay strong. You are doing right and things will get better and better.

I first realised I was an alcoholic 20 years ago, since then I have relapsed and sobered up again many times, with the drunk times becoming shorter and longer between. Over the years I have learned people will have their own idea of what an alcoholic is like, how they live, how much they drink, and this may not always fit in with your experience.I chose to tell people that I drank too much for my liking. I am trying to say avoid getting into discussions about why you gave up. It an be annoying.

Take care.
PS you can survive in the North East without booze. I do. :c011:

Just realised I got the wrong Newcastle!

Congrats on day 4, Belle! You can do this :)

P.S. I'm no stranger to the wine filled coffee mug. Yikes.

Yes, isn't it awful the way alcohol can make you do the most deceitful things ? Sometimes I wonder if many people around me know I have a problem , but are too polite or whatever to say anything.

The good thing is it can all become a part of your past, and you can have a much better now :)

Yes, I often wonder just how many people I fooled. Saddest thing is that I was fooled into continuing to live in active addiction, cheating myself out of life.

Hang in there Belle you can do this!

I will . I promise ! One.day.at. a. time....

I tried to quit 2 years ago and went back after 9 months sober. The drinking only got worse and now I'm back again but now I'm being more honest and telling people.

I'm an alcoholic and can't ever drink again.

On Day 14 and sad and scared of who I became because no matter how "high functioning I was" and I run a group of almost 100 people - my liver didn't care and is now damaged. I would like to see my children graduate and would like the opportunity to retire. Do this for you - who cares if you can hide it from others.

Thanks All, for the inspiration ... I'm now running into another temptation, which my intuition tells me many of you are familiar with : " I am not nearly as bad of an alcoloholic as many others"
I've been reading a lot of stories on SR. I have never been to the ER. Never passed out . Never been arrested. Couldn't possibly handle the quantities of drink that others have described.
So does that mean I really didn't have that big of a problem after all ?
I have to say it here - Heck no, it's still a way bigger problem that I thought, and I can never go back, no matter what.

The thing to remember is... us guys who developed into the all day everyday drinkers (like me) were once at this stage too.

It's incredibly wise of you to tackle this now before the problem totally consumes you :)

D

Thanks , and that's what I am terribly afraid of. I know if I don't stop now, my future life expectancy is in the single digits, at best.
My worst fear is I'll kill or hurt someone while driving . Second worst, I'll get pulled over.
The odds can only get worse from here, but I know I can reverse them, if I can get the power to change my lifestlye

Glad you're here posting.

I learned from other to do three things.......

One of the three, I was told - be completely honest with another person in your life.

I took this advice and it helps - mine is a sponsor, but it could be anyone you trust. For me I find value in the age old use of "confession is good for the soul" philosophy.

Keep coming back!

Way to go Belle! :c011:

Flynby - you have hit the nail on head for me... Honesty. I was dishonest with myself, and with others, so I drank to numb my conscience. Now , four days into sobriety, I am reaching for the courage just to be honest. To tell the truth, I don't think I've ever made a proper confession about anything in my life.
Maybe its because we are afraid of disappointing those who we trust, or at least those who have trusted us...

You'll know when the time is right - but it can be a very healthy part of recovery. Choose wisely remembering we can always tell but can't untell

I started simply by telling one person - I think I have a drinking problem and am thinking I should get some help. A door immediately opened.

I also learned not to yell from the roof tops!! :)

Glad you're here friend :)

Bella: Just thought I would extend a friendly "hello"....so hello :)

I have 2 DUI's.
If you asked anyone who knows me, they would have said I am the LAST person they ever would have thought who would be here. I did jail time this last summer for my 2nd one. From the outside, I'm pretty put together. Hell, even my BF said he never would have guessed in a million years that I had this "problem"
you know in your heart, something isn't right - don't let it get to "rock bottom" if you can avoid it.