You are right it isn't fair, it sucks

Seriously, forget all that "ooo lala embrace these here sensations of nature sober whooooo hoooo"
"I never would have noticed the beauty of these twigs if I was loaded"
"Those poor souls having the time of their lives over there don't know what they're missing, sobriety rules"

It sucks and i am jealous seeing people drink, but overall better than the place booze eventually brings me

Briar, from reading your posts around here recently, I would agree that you are indeed a quitter ;) I was also resentful as hell when I quit. I used to covet other people's DNA. I would beseech the Universe as to WHY WHY WHY they got to be "normal" and I had to be a drunk. I'd stare daggers at some perfectly nice people in the restaurant who dared have a glass of wine in my line of vision. Then, when they left, leaving a swallow of wine in their glass...I'd have to restrain myself from running after them and saying, "Look! You left wine, what is wrong with you?!"

Today though? I am pretty happy with me. Sober me. I have found a lot of stuff about me there is to like and contribute that I never realized I had when I was too busy being a drunk and/or coveting other people's ability to drink without destroying their lives.

You are obviously very self-aware and strong so I think, sooner rather than later, those resentments will be things of the past. You're you...and as far as I can see, that's pretty awesome.

Hang in there :)

Your child will be grown before you know it. You won't regret time spent with your baby. You will regret envying pot smokers as opposed to being with your child. If you want recovery it may be time to step it up.

As someone who smoked for 30 years you're not missing anything - it's the same crazy train as the one we ride with booze, just a different carriage.

As for not fair - I could fill an exercise book with things that are not fair in the world - not just for me but others too - we just opened a new Children's Hospital here - there's a building full of not fair right there.

I get the sentiment and I'm not criticising you for having it - but yeah...in my hypothetical exercise book of not fairs, not being able to get high wouldn't make the cut Briar :)


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Anybody that told you life was fair was a fool or a liar. Power through it and move on, it's a waste of a short life to bother with self-pity. It is what it is.

I knew you'd get me for that one, Dee. :) I was actually standing there typing the post thinking "Dee is going to have a field day with this."

I look forward to the day when I won't pause for a second to entertain thoughts like this. But I won't get there unless I'm honest about where I'm at now, right?

LOL.

I'm actually having a not fair day myself, so I'm administering some self medication to myself as well, Briar ;)

Honesty is good - shine that light on the monsters under the bed :)

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It's ok. It takes time but your perspective can change.
I would think of it as, ugh. Well, they'll be in bed early and missing all of the fun. And waking up sluggish. And smoky smelling. And cotton mouthed. Lol It is all choice, remember why you are doing this.