Briar

I'm out at the creek with my daughter, and there are a couple groups of guys hanging out smoking pot. We're downwind and it's pretty potent (this is not in any way unusual for Northern California). I don't even like pot, but I'm having a moment over it because it's not fair that they can get high if they want and people can drink if they want, but not me. I thought what I'd say if they offered me some, and I didn't think no thanks, I thought no thanks, I've got 34 days clean and sober all resentful like they should feel sorry for me because it's not fair. Not like those days are any sort of accomplishment, like they're a mark of a lesser person. I know that's not true, and I certainly mean no offense to anyone. I know I'm thinking about this backward, but there it is nevertheless. That's how I feel right now, and it sucks.

yinzer

They might be dying in a ditch in the not distant future, thinking how unfair it is that there was a person with his daughter at the creek, enjoying life, while all they could do was get high and throw their life away....

Briar

Very true

LBrain

It's unfair my parents weren't millionaires too. But I'm surviving okay.

PurpleKnight

We need to get past the resentment, because at some point that resentment will pop like a cork and we'll rebel with thoughts of "stuff it", which inevitably will lead to drinking!!

I've been there and got the box of t-shirts, viewing Sobriety as a negative thing lead me to a bad place each and every time, I instead needed to get a positive outlook on things!!

The reality I found myself in was I was incompatible with alcohol, no ifs and buts, that was the facts of the matter, I could either sit around and feel sorry for myself or embrace Sobriety and all it had to offer, a new life as a "non drinker" was waiting for me should I choose to grasp it and all the wonderful opportunities that came with it!!

Hang in there!!

yinzer

Yeah, I often think how unfair it was that I wasn't born rich instead of so good looking.....

strategery

Why not focus on what you've gained since quitting?

Briar

I've got some growing to do

Briar

I'm trading one kind of freedom for another. For me, sobriety means freedom, I know that. But sometimes what I feel doesn't quite line up with what I know.

Soberwolf

Briar the thing is it doesnt matter what others do whats important is what you do & Briar you had a nice day down the creek with your daughter

forget others you done well Briar

PurpleKnight

I can relate to this feeling, but here's the thing, after years of drinking I didn't know anything else, how could I? all the important parts of my life, friends, socialising, meeting people, passing time, it all revolved around alcohol!!

But a leap of faith, and it is a scary leap of faith and a trust in what long timers say, to go from that to trying something new, a complete stab in the dark, that we'll only know and realise in hindsight!!

It's a scary proposition, but in hindsight, those long timers knew what they were talking about!!

dwtbd

What you know and how you fell about can/will line up. I think the resentment or feelings of "unfairness" come from the AV. The idea that others can still drink stems from a positive evaluation or pov of intoxication. You know this is not true, that intoxication has no positive aspects for you but something wants you to see it that way, the AV. Starve it out, it will lessen to nothing. 35 days is fantastic , good on you, time and squashing the stirrings of the AV builds sober muscle, you got this
Wish you well


Ps posting about it instead of bottling it up, is probably a great idea eh?

Nonsensical

I found that how I frame the issue matters a great deal to me. I quit drinking dozens of times. Why? Because quitting drinking was framed as a loss in my mind. I had given something up. I had suffered a loss. I hated that. I resented it. I drank again.

One day I decided to give myself a better life, and alcohol was not going to steal it from me. All gain, no loss.

You had a day at the creek with your daughter, and alcohol didn't steal it from you. How cool is that?

Briar

That's my logic. I often post on here what the AV says and watch you guys beat it up. It teaches me some comebacks. And by reading the responses and practicing not getting defensive, I'm learning how to separate myself from the AV.

Thanks for helping me do this work!

bunnezjp

Don't worry about them. Or the others.

Bunnez

dwtbd

Briar
With logic and an attitude like that, you strike me as a quitter.




Awesome!

dwtbd

Duplicate

FeelingGreat

1. Play the tape out as to what would be the consequence of drinking again.
2. Time will give you a much better appreciation of sobriety.
3. You were spending sober time with your daughter; think how precious that is to her.
4. Be careful of interpreting other people's lives from the outside. Maybe those guys have relationship problems because of the weed, or maybe they aren't doing much in life. We've all seen those marriages where everything looks perfect, and then they divorce.
5. Work at thinking of yourself as a person who has made a personally difficult decision to become sober because you are STRONG & MATURE. Because it's actually true. There are many people in your position who go on hurting themselves and their families because they don't have your strength of character.

Mountainmanbob

What's fair for one just may be poison for another.

Problem today is that everyone is hung up on fairness and not puthing enough thought to what's moral.

MM

AcceptingChange

I struggle with that same "It's Not Fair!" reaction too.
But one day i figured out that what I believe is unfair is perceived as 100% fair to another person. And what i think is fair is perceived as unfair by another person.

So what can possibly determine "fair" to everyone?
I don't have an answer. There is no situation that will be seen as "fair" to everyone.

"Fair" is just another word for "opinion". One persons opinion on what is "fair" is different than most everyone else. And pretty soon we figure out that the way we equate "fair" is "what i want for me".