Its been a rubbish 7 weeks since i last posted
 

I have been on and off the drink for a bit but it seems my dad has had enough of me which feels bad. My mum is also on the brink. I have been working out and lost more weight but the drink still gets me . I really dont want to be drinking next year as i have to get a job and am gonna be starting driving lessons in january . I cant function like a normal person with alcohol in my life and these goals ive set for the new year cannot be achieved with alcohol in my life. I want to stop now but i keep having thoughts that tell me to make the most of the next couple months and then start a fresh in the new year. Im just confused, the best thing recently is that im no longer depressed but i do have those dark feelings when i drink and the day after. I know im stupid for drinking but i really dont wanna drink next year and am trying to make the most of it while i can.

I say this with my heart that you should stop drinking and accept you cant drink no more put together a rock solid plan and start a full recovery


its hard at first but this is why im happy places like this exist so we can help each other out

Christ when you read it like that it looks awful.

Hi Bradley; there is so much in your post that is positive - working out, losing weight, wanting to get a job, beginning driving lessons, not wanting to drink next year.

The part that concerns me is the part bolded and in red (my highlighting, not yours); thoughts and talk of "making the most of it" seem contrary to the positive and committed thinking required to get and stay sober. For me, achieving and maintaining sobriety required a total person overhaul - physically, emotionally and mentally. Realizing and accepting the fact that alcohol had absolutely nothing to offer me was a key part of that overhaul.

I remember that at one point you attended AA; are you still going?

Quit drinking today. Go to an AA Meeting and start on the road to recovery

Soberleigh even though i hate how drinking makes me feel i kinda want to get all my drinking in now before i finally quit for good. Am i deluding myself? I dont think so, im just having my last hurrah and i wont be drinking in 2015. As for aa its hard for me to get there as i dont drive and even then i dont think its fo me.

So you are going nowhere with your life, have no job, no driving license (not sure if you are still living or not in your parents basement but probably yes), you are overweight and not feeling good about yourself, your parents are sick of your behind and your AV is telling you to make the most of it?
Do you realize that this is crazy talk? this is your addictive voice at work not Bradley's.
I am with the others: quit today and get yourself to an AA meeting.
You will always have one excuse or another not to quit: first it is the holiday seasons, then Valentine's day is coming and you have no gf so you want to make the "most of it"
then Easter will be there with all those liquor chocolates etc.
Today is a VERY good day to stop the madness.

Bradley, a lot of bad stuff can happen between now and 2015. You could fall deeper into addiction; the drinking could bring on another bout of depression - what if you don't escape the next bout; you could fall and do irreparable damage (a friend of mine fell down a flight of stairs last year while drinking, incurred irreversible brain damage, spent 14-1/2 months hospitalized and in nursing homes in a terrible state, and died - this kind of stuff happens to real people in real life); the list goes on and on. I don't want to see any of this happen to Bradley.

You have a LIFE ahead of you, Bradley - truly LIVE it; don't fake it. Start now, friend.

Bradley there is no last hurrah you say what your doing is awful yet want to continue


this is your choice but try to realise your not thinking correctly if you know your losing and continuing

why carry on losing

Wheres the hurrah in losing

your choice tho i wish you well friend i suggest stick very close to SR

So many people die from this, Bradley.

Not only that but you could do irreversible damage to your liver, your hips, your heart, your brain.

Do some googling about the physical ramifications of just drinking. Never mind the possibility of an accident or overdose. You only get one chance with the body you are abusing, and sometimes it doesn't warn you before it shuts down.

Please stop drinking today. There is always going to be some reason to put it off - no good reason, though.

How, exactly, does one "make the most" of drinking?

If you truly wanted to stop, you'd have a much different plan.

Last hurrahs just lead to more drinking. I had hundreds of last hurrahs.

Why wait? turn your life around today and make it happen!!

My mind used to always convince me tomorrow was the best day to quit, but months and years slipped by!!

You can do this Bradley!! :)

I erased a bunch of stuff and started over.

How about starting over now so you don't have a couple more months to erase yourself.

Setting a date to stop drinking is always a bad idea. Because you'll always come up with a reason to wait one more day.

Without question. Denial and delusional thinking are trademarks of addiction and you are in the throes of both in my humble opinion. Putting off quitting until a future date is no different than simply deciding to keep drinking.

You are fortunate in that you still have someplace to live and a family that tolerates your drinking, but as you have written, even that luxury is wearing thin. Why not get serious about quitting while you still have those things?

I'd recommend you go back and re-read your posts here over the last several months as well and see if you can find a common theme.

Bradley, I think you're being very foolish. You never know what can happen when you drink. You could get in bad trouble. Why not quit drinking today? A lot of bad things can happen between now and next year. :(

Yes.

You make it sound like your quitting in 2015 is a done deal. You've been a member of SR since Nov 2012, and struggling to quit drinking the entire time. And now you want to launch this new promise of sobriety with a drinking spree.

Delusional? More like the insanity of alcoholism.

If you are intent on quitting, quit. Today.

Yes, your deluding yourself. Or actually, your alcoholic mind is deluding you. And it will find another way after your planned "making the most of it" to continue deluding you as well, until you have had enough, when you are sick to your heart and soul, when alcohol has robbed you of all your dreams, choices, opportunities, relationships, the list goes on.

Hi Bradley

we are all here to support you.

I think the rational Bradley knows what best, and you have done wonderful things in your life recently. Next year looks great too.

Ignore that voice that is telling you to drink; as others have said, it's just your AV trying to tempt you.

You can do this :)

yeah I think you're deluding yourself. I remember making a similar bargain with myself Brad.

So I drank the rest of the year...through Xmas, through Jan 1...

By March of the New Year I figured this wasn't the year I was going to stop.

The best day to quit is now.

You have no idea how quickly & much deeper you can dig yourself a hole in a couple of months.

Don't you think the hole's deep enough already?

D

Hey Bradley, I've had very similar thoughts myself. Some were actually pretty wild, like - "Well, I don't really know if I'm an alcoholic, I should keep drinking and if things get worse I'll stop, because then I'll know for sure."

Silly thought, right? There's just no logic in it. That's cause it was my alcoholic voice talking, and not the real me. Seems like your in a similar place. My advice is the same as those above - stop now. Now! We all know how scary it is. We've been there, and know you can get through it. Stop today, man.

Thank you everybody for your'e advice , i know i want to stop i just cant. I keep putting it off and putting it off. Its hard when u have no real life friends and no one to support u . The most scary thing is that i see the problem and i want to change its just that i feel alone . I dont wanna bore people with my story on here so im keeping it short .

There is part of me that wants to drink and &&& everything else. It doesn't really care about "me" either- it just wants to drink

Thats the deal- I had to learn to live with it

A sober life is possible- but tomorrow never comes

You are in London. So am I.

There are over 700 AA meetings per week in the London area.

You say you can't go because 1. You can't drive. 2. It may not be for you.

Almost no-one in London drives anywhere as you well know. You can walk to a meeting or go on public transport like everyone else.

And I think AA is for you. Because you are an alcoholic. So it's for people like us, of course.

You're not special and different. As will be plain to see when you get to a meeting.

You say you have no friends and no-one to support you. You can change that if you go to AA.

The next step if you don't is that your parents no longer tolerate you and then you'll be even more lonely.

Get to a meeting, man.

You can most definatly stop nobody is forcing you to drink your choosing to drink your AV is running rampage

i am pretty solo and dont rely on support (apart from sr) my sobriety comes from my acceptance that i dont i cant drink safely let alone responsibly anymore plus you couldnt pay me a billion bucks to drink full stop.

once i had that i started to change my life wasnt easy it was tough in the beginning but life gets better and it becomes natural its wonderful

your not boring and having no support sure makes it tough but not impossible

your here and you have recognised its now time to stop drinking as you dont really want to live like this right ?

good luck friend

The longer you put it off Bradley the harder it's going to be.

If you feel unsupported you can easiily fix that :)
Think about what Sthlondonab said...and maybe use us a little bit more too.

if AA is not your thing try SMART or LifeRing or counselling...even inpatient or outpatient rehab.

The National Alcohol Helpline-UK - Tel: 0800 917 8282
Offers help to callers worried about their own drinking; support to the family and friends of people who are drinking; advice to callers on where to go for help.

UK National AA Helpline
08457 697 555

http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

http://lifering.org/international-websites/lifering-uk/

http://www.addaction.org.uk/

http://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/con...cohol-services

some NHS links
http://www.nhs.uk/servicedirectories...ceType=Alcohol


The supports there - at whatever level you want.

D

7 weeks ago I offered the advice of using SR, there's someone here 24/7 to give support.

I also mentioned the danger of doing things alone, my own mind would grind me down in isolation.

Nothing will change unless you try something different Bradley, but you have try something, not go back to the same routine with no support and expect things to change somehow!! :dunno:

Nothing good in life is easy Bradley. And it's always possible to come up with an excuse as to why you CAN'T do something.

You aren't boring us at all, most of us have been exactly where you are at some point. Endlesspatientce had a fantastic post for you as a fellow resident of London - and he's spot on, there is zero excuse for you to not at least try a meeting to see if it helps. Pretty much every problem you list above is a direct result of your drinking problem. And a solution to all of them is out there - you just have to take the next step and seek it.

And you are assuming you will just be able choose the day you stop?
I wanted to get all my drinking in before I quit for good but the date kept getting postponed, for 30 years.

Bradley, I see in you a pattern very similar to a number of other people I've seen and communicated with over time here on SR. Namely, that you say you want to quit, and you do for periods of time, but then go back to drinking, say you can't maintain sobriety, and blame this at least in part on being alone and unsupported. Please don't take this as criticism... but man, you live in London! I lived there for 3 years in the past so am familiar with the myriads of opportunities to do interesting things, meet people, even just be around people everywhere... I loved that city in a similar way I love NYC now. Recovery meetings would probably be good for you, but there are so many other options to spend free time with fun things, and meeting people in a city like that... I think you stay alone only if you want to and do not explore. Do you suffer from social anxiety or anything like that? If so, get help with that...

Seriously, in an environment like yours, I think we stay alone when we choose not to make ourselves un-alone. But we need to make the effort to start!