How great would it be
 

To have one cheat day without being accountable. If you could stop time, go on a binge in a cold, dark bar on a hot day, and chug cold beers with a random shot from time to time. Not doing this, it's more of a daydream, but wouldn't it be nice

Great to see you Lia. :)

I sure tried to make that work - but always ended up in the same trap. I thought that way a lot in early recovery, but now I rarely long for the old days.

Lia i know you don't think nothing by it but you do know there are people here with less than 24h under their belt and your coming out with things like that it is really inappropriate and quite damaging to someone going through early withdrawl/sobriety

Hopefully you will see the error in putting out a post like that

And I never ever want to drink again I don't think about drinking and its very dangerous to think like that

I hate alcohol it disgusts me you couldn't pay me 500 billion to take 1 drink

Scratching my head here

I'd know right away who would say that. My addictive voice and I'll tell it to go back under the rock. Not for me..no!

the trouble with that is one day is never just one day for drinkers like us :)

I actually tried this - I had a school reunion - I thought - back to not drinking in the morning...I didn't stop again until over 2 years later.

D

It would be great if money grew on trees and I had a pet unicorn too, but since I'm an alcoholic your premise is also a fairy tale.

Actually, for me it doesn't sound like anything I would want to do. I've been sober for almost two years and that thought isn't doing it for me.

It doesn't sound good to me considering I spent most of my life like that. Im ready to try something new with whatever time I have left. Really live my life, instead of drinking it away.

I wouldn't want to drink under any circumstances. I'm done with that. I like my life sober. :)

That's akin to a mirage of water on a desert. It's an illusion that doesn't exist. It wouldn't be nice, I wouldn't have quit if it was.

Nope. I hope that you eventually come to a place where you see that the benefits of not having a drink far outweigh the momentary pleasure that might be involved.

However, I must confess that I once was where you are now.

What it would be like for me to drink right now scares me as much as the thought of never drinking again did when I quit. It takes some time to get there but you become far more realistic about the situation and see things for what they were.

Even if you set a bucket full of ice cold beers, my favorite kind, in front of me and told me that no one would ever know it doesn't matter. I would know. That's all I need.

Never going back to that hell hole again.

the problem is there's no happily ever after. here's my version of the end of this particular fairytale:

random conversations with people I won't remember, spending way too much money buying more drinks for myself and friends I might not remember were there, being too loud, talking to much, not really listening to what other people are saying, chain smoking, maybe following random new people whose names I also won't remember to random other bar after all my friends have gone home, more money spent, more drinks, more conversations I won't remember, drunkenly stumbling across town to find a cab (have actually been mugged on one of these occasions before), making the cab stop on the way to pick up more beer, crawling (more like an elephant stampede) into bed, pissing off my partner who has been in bed for ages by waking him up to see if he wants to have a beer with me, having it (and his) by myself when he keeps sleeping, maybe posting or leaving weird comments online, finally passing out, waking up, agony, memory loss, depression, anxiety, heart racing.. 2 days lost. (repeat)

:gaah

AAAHHH Don't fantasize about it. That's a recipe for relapse. I had to cut those thoughts off ASAP. It's not like it is in the movie of your recollection.

How do you go about cutting those feelings off? I want my emotional state to match my cognitive state. It feels like the two are battling it out. I will never drink again, I just want to turn off that little voice

Lia its that lil voice that's making life bad

People die everyday through continued drinking some don't even see it some do and continue on until the body gives up and shuts down for good all because of alcoholism

Lia its never going to be 1 drink as how could it be if there is zero control and you will always want more

Check out the secular section on the forum for lots of help on that lil voice

And were always here its just we have realised its never going to be just 1

Check out the forum for a broad perspective I wish you all the best in addressing your alcoholism

I feel ya :(

The longer you are sober the less loud that voice is….the thought might come up but I don't linger on it. And they come up less and less.

You asked how to quiet that voice? I think of sobriety as a gift. I really don't mean to be corny. As an alcoholic I have what I believe to be a terminal condition. There is no cure but I have everything I need to arrest the process.

That glass of white on a bar? For me it is an illusion. Because I immediately begin to think "what about the next glass". We call it thinking the drink through. Yeah, most of us have had nights where we didn't end up passed out or blacked out. But EVERYTIME I was drinking at the end I was rolling the dice and leaving it up to chance. That is pure craziness.

There was a thread a few days ago about how freeing sobriety is. All the scheming, and covering up, lying, shame…..it is gone. I can toss my bags in the car for a weekend trip and not worry about bottles clanging. I don't wait for school pickup so I can come home and drink. I don't sit at dinner parties eyeing people's glasses to make sure I am pacing myself. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

It took time and distance to be able to look back and see how I was absolutely in a chokehold due to alcohol. I thought I couldn't live without it.

If i could have a night completely free to drink with no consequences I wouldn't do it. I don't miss feeling spaced out and fuzzy. One or two hours of feeling mellow is not worth feeling like crap for 18 hours the next day.

I also feel strongly that I drew a line in the sand and said NO MORE. I feel very protective and proud of my sobriety. The fact that I am able to continue means every night I go to bed sober I have accomplished a major feat. I feel lucky to be among others who care about sobriety too.

Sobriety is a small price to pay for the openness it has brought into my life. My world had telescoped down gradually. This past year I have felt like a new leaf unfurling. Keep reaching out…I think communicating your thoughts helps keep that voice at bay.

Bravo & thank you, Jaynie. Brilliant.

:tyouThank you Janie, awesome post