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Nobody is counting, you could do that. But you CHOOSE not to! Because you KNOW it's not great, it's just smoke and lights. And BTW, yeah, your brain is counting. :) So don't do it, your sober time will be wasted! |
Some consider the thrill of Russian roulette great too. |
Originally Posted by Leeloo
(Post 4869573)
the problem is there's no happily ever after. here's my version of the end of this particular fairytale: random conversations with people I won't remember, spending way too much money buying more drinks for myself and friends I might not remember were there, being too loud, talking to much, not really listening to what other people are saying, chain smoking, maybe following random new people whose names I also won't remember to random other bar after all my friends have gone home, more money spent, more drinks, more conversations I won't remember, drunkenly stumbling across town to find a cab (have actually been mugged on one of these occasions before), making the cab stop on the way to pick up more beer, crawling (more like an elephant stampede) into bed, pissing off my partner who has been in bed for ages by waking him up to see if he wants to have a beer with me, having it (and his) by myself when he keeps sleeping, maybe posting or leaving weird comments online, finally passing out, waking up, agony, memory loss, depression, anxiety, heart racing.. 2 days lost. (repeat) :gaah |
Originally Posted by jaynie04
(Post 4869821)
The longer you are sober the less loud that voice is….the thought might come up but I don't linger on it. And they come up less and less. You asked how to quiet that voice? I think of sobriety as a gift. I really don't mean to be corny. As an alcoholic I have what I believe to be a terminal condition. There is no cure but I have everything I need to arrest the process. That glass of white on a bar? For me it is an illusion. Because I immediately begin to think "what about the next glass". We call it thinking the drink through. Yeah, most of us have had nights where we didn't end up passed out or blacked out. But EVERYTIME I was drinking at the end I was rolling the dice and leaving it up to chance. That is pure craziness. There was a thread a few days ago about how freeing sobriety is. All the scheming, and covering up, lying, shame…..it is gone. I can toss my bags in the car for a weekend trip and not worry about bottles clanging. I don't wait for school pickup so I can come home and drink. I don't sit at dinner parties eyeing people's glasses to make sure I am pacing myself. Ugh, ugh, ugh. It took time and distance to be able to look back and see how I was absolutely in a chokehold due to alcohol. I thought I couldn't live without it. If i could have a night completely free to drink with no consequences I wouldn't do it. I don't miss feeling spaced out and fuzzy. One or two hours of feeling mellow is not worth feeling like crap for 18 hours the next day. I also feel strongly that I drew a line in the sand and said NO MORE. I feel very protective and proud of my sobriety. The fact that I am able to continue means every night I go to bed sober I have accomplished a major feat. I feel lucky to be among others who care about sobriety too. Sobriety is a small price to pay for the openness it has brought into my life. My world had telescoped down gradually. This past year I have felt like a new leaf unfurling. Keep reaching out…I think communicating your thoughts helps keep that voice at bay. It's FREEDOM. The possibilities in sobriety are endless. You don't really understand what a choke hold it is until you move further away from that last drink. Even that initial buzz that was felt that drew you in every time means nothing. Alcohol is now something that I don't equate to anything pleasant. Fantastic post Jaynie! :c011: |
I don't allow thoughts of drinking rent free in my brain. There is just no room in there for the devil. :firedevil |
OMG that question actually made my stomach turn over. So, my answer is a resounding no way. How awesome is that? I live alone and could easily be drinking this day away, no one would ever know and god- I used to LIVE for those days. Now, it makes me ill to remember the time, the money, the dread, the self-loathing, all of it. I am FREE. Jaynie04 nailed it. I feel like the weight of the world has been taken off of me- and I never, ever want it back. That lil voice has no power over me, for I know what it is, and I know the strength of me. |
Well, one day of drinking...and then there's the hangover, the 3 kids that I have to deal with sober or not, the fact that I would accomplish nothing for days, looking bad, feeling bloated, I'd probably wake at 3am and not sleep for a couple hours and then still need to wake early and have a really pissy day. Then I would wonder if I sent any nasty emails and I'd cringe to open Facebook because who knows what I posted? I'd have to check my "sent mail" while holding my breath. Maybe I wouldn't have enough for the day and I'd have to go buy alcohol and I always felt embarrassed buying alcohol. This post reminded me of a song lyric "but I let the dream go and the promises broke and the make-believe ran out..."...because we've been sold this dream that alcohol is what you do for fun but when I read people's stories here, I don't see a lot of fun. I see a lot of pain. The alcohol industry should show the truth, people drinking alcohol and marriages broken, kids neglected, health problems, weight gain, friendships ruined, jobs being lost, people financially ruined, accidents, DUIs, arrests, people being killed by drunk drivers and/or killing themselves. I guess it just isn't fun for me anymore. |
Originally Posted by ~Lia~
(Post 4869599)
How do you go about cutting those feelings off? I want my emotional state to match my cognitive state. It feels like the two are battling it out. I will never drink again, I just want to turn off that little voice |
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