Lonely
 

It's the unspoken between me and the world that makes me feel lonely.

I mean if I heard the inner voices of others as I went through life, I would think I might just figure out how much less alone I really am... Or sadly the opposite.

Either way the silence is deafening at times.

It's in the quiet of myself I found my drinking amplified. Like yet another whiskey shot would somehow give sound to my silent screams. Nope. Instead a nod and smile when another arrived. Certainly no sound then. Just a sob.

Being lonely is not a problem to solve. Its not a condition of my person. It's not a representation of what I am not.

It's a lot like many of the other "problems" I faced with a drink.

Being sober lets me see these problems were... Are ... simply how life is. I have not always been as lonely as this day.

Instead ... today I will remain sober. Take the time to work on things about myself. Maybe read a little. Do a puzzle. Shuffle around an empty apartment looking at things.

No... Those " busy" things don't take the pain of the want away. Not even close.

But I look at it like as if I just learn to keep steady... Even when being steady calls for sadness or uncomfortableness then I actually have something to work with. Some way to see when my sobriety in the good happy times is in balance.

So long story short. I am lonely today. A little sad on a rainy day. But getting in some good sober practice for when I need a boost. And the puzzle is coming alone nicely! A few more pieces in place tonight.

Ken

I know this emptiness feeling and feeling alone.

I have not made sober real life friends as of yet. My first meeting with a therapist yesterday and it was an action item on my plan. Get out of the house, go to sober places and meet people.

Thanks for the always inspiring post :-)

Hey sir! Mr patman! I have not made friends yet either. But I won't beat myself up for feeling lonely. Normally I say being alone over lonly but today is lonly.

Glad to be here on SR though!!!

Thanks buddy.

Loneliness is so complicated. I am constantly surrounded by husband, kids, colleagues and a few friends, and I am lonely. What is with that?

Weasel, when I saw that YOU posted this, I was even more surprised. Maybe I am not alone...

...you get where I am going here?

Hi Ken dear. :hug: Don't forget your SR friends are all around you. I'm glad you wanted to share what you were feeling with us, and hope it takes the edge off the loneliness a bit.

I've been feeling off lately - a bit lonely myself - even when there are people around. We go through many phases as we heal I guess. We are complex beings. :)

Holli - We were posting at the same time - & you said almost the same thing I did. Yes, what is up with that?

Holli.... No we are not alone. But I needed to reach out tonight for a reminder.

I have been a lonely person from a very young age. So much so it was painful. Filled with why's. But now I have accepted the emotions that come along with it but still wish I had more people. A family. Someone that knows me. Not many know who I am in my life. They see me but I feel like that's it.

thank you!

Ken

Hevyn! Thank you so much!

I do have my SR friends! And that means so much to me!

We love you.

Loneliness is such an ache! It's not the absence of having people around. It's the absence of feeling part of something bigger then yourself. And you are certainly a huge part of this group here.

Brighter days ahead :)

I feel lonely too quite a lot Weasel because I'm the youngest at my AA group by 15 years. But I'm so grateful for my SR friends. Isolation is the worst thing I can do and it's took me a long time to work that one out.

Weasel, that was beautifully expressed. For some reason it reminded me of "Dover Beach" by Matthew Arnold

Ken do you know how many people you've helped get through their first sober weekend... Countless. How many people you've rallied around when they felt all alone being the only person they knew not drinking on a Saturday night?

You're such a kind and selfless person and if anyone doesn't deserve to be lonely it you! Sending a big teddy bear hug to you:) you're never alone here!

Imperfectly... That's very kind. love the weekend thread because of what it has done for me. But the fact other get something from it means all the more!

I love what you said about being part of something bigger.... That truly is the case.

mrG ... Glad you are here... Being young in the rooms can be tough.

Courage... Looking that up now. ;)

Hang in there Ken . . . as already mentioned you help so many people with your weekend threads!! . . . time for SR to repay the favour!!

You may feel alone, but you don't have to feel alone on your own!! :ring

Announcing the 2014 Baconfest Chicago Poetry Contest : Baconfest Chicago

Did somebody say "Road Trip"?

"I wish someone knew me."

My friend, I so understand this and it made water come out of my eyes.

No worry, I do that a lot lately. Stoopid emotions.

I know someone who was a very good friend who is married and has two children at home. She has a brother and a sister and their four kids, her mom, an aunt and uncle and their kids, two sisters in law and their kids and she lives in a neighborhood that is one of those go-in-each-others'-houses and have weekends together type neighborhoods. From the outside you'd think she isn't lonely, but it is something she says on a regular basis, "I am so lonely."

I don't have any of those things and I have no family at all, and now no friend. Sometimes I want to scream I'm so lonely. It is my biggest albatross, by far.

I've been going to AA meetings and I hear it come up a couple times a week. I know we come in this world and go out alone, but I guess it's up to me to not spend the time alone here - alone. Wait. Does this mean I actually have to call someone? Ack. They are probably lonely too. Doesn't make reaching out any easier for me.

I think this is what brought me back to God, and why we have come up with the concept of God. It's a hole in our soul that is only filled by doing good for others. I need a lot of practice there, for sure.

Anyway, long way to say, "I feel you, man."

Courage... Mathew Arnold has some good stuff. Deep. Thanks for sharing!

Non... Rally? Hmmm... Can I come up with bacon verse? Maybe ode to BA cone...

Purple... Thanks! sR has giving me so much and continues. Gratitude goes beyond words. :)

K

Wow... Bimini.... You hit it right. Being lonely is something I have been since a young person. Is it learned? How does one feel lonely in a crowded room? Sometimes trying to figure it out is just not worth it as much as just the acceptance of it.

But I will say the people on SR made this day feel much more for me. Thanks.

Ken

Loneliness is killing me too... I lost the love of my life to my lies and mistrust. I still love her as much as I did when I first met her so this pain is terrible but deserving. Clean and sober over 30 days and reading self help book after book and after applying many of the teachings to my life im finding myself more and more everyday. Im praying she heals and we can start a new. im the same man now that she fell in love with so all I can do is give her space and if its meant to be it will happen. a prominent psychic told me i needed to leave her alone for 2 months which was the exact same thing her therapist told her. the psychic was dead on about everything and many things ive seen come true as of late. so if space will heal us then space it shall be... she told me she gave me all of her and im hoping for healing. Im staying strong and focused so i can be strong in my life and my choices. a women needs a strong and focused man. its just hard not seeing or talking to the one you love but i deserve this and if we figure things out then I know its forever. Keep yourself busy... i work out and eat good even though i find myself forcing food down my neck just to keep my protein levels high so i gain muscle. its working perfectly.. best of luck in all u do. this website is my salvation...

How ya doin up there weasle?
I think it was in a song by Warren Zevon, "I'd rather feel bad than feel nothing at all..."

Keep it all in perspective my friend. How's that puzzle going?

K,
Am i going to live alone and die alone ? … this question is a MASSIVE projection into the future from today . Sobriety has tought me that life is a one day at a time affair .. you and i , we just don't know . If you think you might ..you don't ..

What have i always wanted ? that alcohol seemed to offer briefly , pleasure without having to experience one moment of pain … Which frankly as we all know, is a nonsense ..
in the end it causes more pain than it blots out .

So you might be lonely , not much to be done about it in the early hours of the morning anywhere in the world . So what is the plan ? you're going to have to give to receive , invest without knowing for sure you'll get a return .

Who you going to phone ? which church you going to visit ? which alcoholic are you going to reach out to ? Which alcoholics are you going to let reach out to you ?

You'll probably get hurt , you'll probably get let down but that doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile doing .

If life is a twinkling light on the edge of a dark eternity of entropy , a small flash in the cold cosmic night . Then this guy is for dancing and laughing in the glory of it , the pleasure and the pain of an exquisite experience .

Take care my friend , m

I am one of those people with the revolving social door, youngest of seven children, and I have been lonely my entire life. When I allow God into my soul, the pain decipitates, when I put up my character defences, loneliness returns. I am conditioned by my family of origin, and yet it is my bond family who teaches me my worth. And my faith in my purpose; that propells me forward.

Hang in there, Ken, and you too, StormiNormi. Loneliness is such a complex thing, and such a simple thing. I think that deep down it's just not seeing your connection to the Universe. It's a manifestation of the absurd. Everyone is alone but not everyone knows it. Everyone is also intricately woven into the larger tapestry of life but not everyone can feel it.

I don't know how [normal] humans deal with loneliness. I'm sure that I've felt lonely, in an existential sense. For the most part I live a self contained life; there are people in my life, and I'm not really closed off, but parts of my mind have walls with no doors in. I dunno how to describe it. My job requires working closely with people all day, and for the most part that's enough human contact for me. The rest of the time I'm kind of detached, observing. Humans fascinate me in the abstract.

Hmmm...this might be the most unhelpful post I've ever posted.:lmao Just want you to know that someone is out there, in the ether, trying to understand. I hope that helps!:grouphug:

I hear ya Weasel. Loneliness is the biggest threat to my sobriety by a long shot. Been so lonely for so long its now a constant ache in my heart. A dull relentless soul destroying ache. It is hard to resolve as well, how does one become "un" lonely? It is not so easy as 'just dont drink today'... SR helps, kinda, but its not enough. I'm sure it begins from within...

Weasel, You are not alone here! I have my SO and a few friends but SR has given me more than all the AA meetings and outpatient programs combined, it has given me a strenghth I never thought I had , and a compassion for others I never thought I had, Keep Coming here, Friend! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

I can certainly see I am not alone in feeling alone. Wish I could fix that for all of us but coming here helps me a great deal.

Today is better. I think I am missing my relationship and the time shared.

Hope you will post when in need of a hello or an ear rather than sit in the dark. It may not be a solution for everything but it's better than sitting in it alone.

K

Wow you have reminded me of how it felt, with drink or without!

Glad to report that once I did the work suggested in AA I have never had that feeling again, not once and I don't want it back!

Hope you find a way to change that suits you!

Your post is beautiful, Weasel.
But it made me a little sad.
I am alone, single, no kids. My immediate family lives nearby, but we only see one another a couple of times a month. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I am old and no one to take care of me.
I think one of the most basic needs in life is to be loved, wanted.
I know that since I have stopped drinking, I have the (mostly) unconditional love of my family. Even though I don’t see that daily, I can keep it tucked in the back of myself for future needs.
So, I will feel sad for myself for a minute and then I will start thinking about all the things I am grateful for.
I hope you don’t stay lonely for long, Weasel, you deserve to be happy.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
:)

Ken, Sometimes I think early recovery is meant to be a lonely process. We are all working so hard to change old patterns, and fight the demons that it's emotionally exhausting. It's something you have to do alone because no one can do it for you, so by nature it's lonely. I think it flares up at times and we haven't really developed the skills to deal with the tough emotions yet-we used to just drown them.

I also feel if asked the majority of people probably feel lonely a lot of the time. It's more rare to find someone that doesn't in my experience. People feel "lonely in a crowd" all the time.

It's normal to feel lonely and miss your relationship. I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm sure new friends and new relationships are on your horizon. Maybe you can find some kind of volunteer work where you get to know new people naturally and get some company at the same time...