Day 1: Yet again (Massive Relaspe)
 

After 2 months of lovely sobriety, I picked up a drink and spent the past week and a bit convincing myself I wasn't an alcoholic.

As ridiculous as this sounds now, I was drunk at the time of the convincing.

Feeling pretty low and depressed, not been so low since I quit last time.

I hate Christmas and New Year, it seemed like it was socially acceptable for everyone to enjoy a drink but me. I took it personally and drank heavily.

Missed most of yesterday, due to illness (you know the type), had a pick me up and sat down at 1am this morning looking at myself in the mirror.

For 2 months I had been free and sober and it felt good. That was 2 months of not feeling crap, no hangovers no depression.

I did once, I am determined to do again and longer this time, I will not stop trying and I will not pickup that deadly first drink.

So here we are, a new year, a new start and day 1 again.

congratulations!!

It sounds to me like your recent "field research" has resulted in still further evidence and a scientifically-sound conclusion that you're better off sober.

:)

You can do this.

:ring

Welcome back! Look at this as a lesson in your recovery. Are there any doubts now that you're an alcoholic? If not, you can jump over that hurdle and move on.

I think that sometimes a relapse is an affirmation that takes you on a more determined journey to success. xxx

Welcome back to the fight. Let's do this!

Good to see you trying again autan. Sounds like that couple of Months was Good, though.
Hope You can do it again.

Good for you sounds like my story exactly, we'll both be feeling much better in few days, hang in there

The strangest part of my relapse this time, was the thought process.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.

Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.

What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.

Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.

I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.

Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.

The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.

Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.

I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?

Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.


Just like that, I fell into my old ways.

The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.

The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.

There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.

At least were back, we will make eventually. We just have to convince ourselves.

I thought i was the only one who thought like this. Its strange how we still try and convince ourselves after all alcohol has done.

Good luck, Autan. There is no moderation for people like us. Hang in there buddy! 2014 will be a great year if you do.

My sponsor calls that little voice, "Slick". He's a slick, cunning little bastard and he's there to find any way to twist your vision he can, so that you'll "see" it's ok to drink.

See there - you proved once again that "Slick" ain't your friend.

Drop him.

Don't pick up.

We are definitely not the only ones. We are just good liars. We can even Lie to ourselves and believe them. I think being an Alcoholic is far more than just drinking or not, its a state of mind.

With a little hope, we have crossed a very large barrier in our minds. We know we can stop drinking, now we have to stop lying to ourselves that were ok. Were not OK and never will be.

If we can accept this, there is no reason why we cannot break this cycle forever.

so very true

Hey Autan, don't worry about it, 2 months was fantastic, don't give alcohol the satisfaction of thinking it's won!! maybe this battle but not the war!!

Chin up, you can do this!! :)

Thank you

Hi Autan. Well done for getting back on the wagon quickly.That's a real positive that you shouldn't dismiss lightly.

Welcome back! I am glad you made it back. All I know is that I could not stay sober with out AA. I have 61 days today. Maybe it could work for you! Good luck friend.

I am about to find out in around 20 mins.

Me too.... good for you getting to a meeting. For me, what I have learned is that I stay sober when I include AA in my toolkit for staying sober.

When I don't, I don't.

I hope you find it helpful and, for what it's worth I'd strongly suggest you work it in daily for a while if you can.