Day 1: Yet again (Massive Relaspe)
Day 1: Yet again (Massive Relaspe)
After 2 months of lovely sobriety, I picked up a drink and spent the past week and a bit convincing myself I wasn't an alcoholic.
As ridiculous as this sounds now, I was drunk at the time of the convincing.
Feeling pretty low and depressed, not been so low since I quit last time.
I hate Christmas and New Year, it seemed like it was socially acceptable for everyone to enjoy a drink but me. I took it personally and drank heavily.
Missed most of yesterday, due to illness (you know the type), had a pick me up and sat down at 1am this morning looking at myself in the mirror.
For 2 months I had been free and sober and it felt good. That was 2 months of not feeling crap, no hangovers no depression.
I did once, I am determined to do again and longer this time, I will not stop trying and I will not pickup that deadly first drink.
So here we are, a new year, a new start and day 1 again.
As ridiculous as this sounds now, I was drunk at the time of the convincing.
Feeling pretty low and depressed, not been so low since I quit last time.
I hate Christmas and New Year, it seemed like it was socially acceptable for everyone to enjoy a drink but me. I took it personally and drank heavily.
Missed most of yesterday, due to illness (you know the type), had a pick me up and sat down at 1am this morning looking at myself in the mirror.
For 2 months I had been free and sober and it felt good. That was 2 months of not feeling crap, no hangovers no depression.
I did once, I am determined to do again and longer this time, I will not stop trying and I will not pickup that deadly first drink.
So here we are, a new year, a new start and day 1 again.
The strangest part of my relapse this time, was the thought process.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.
The strangest part of my relapse this time, was the thought process.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.
AUTAN, YOU REALLY ARE AN ALCOHOLIC, YOU CANNOT DRINK LIKE A SO-CALLED NORMAL PERSON, BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC AND YOU ARE UNABLE TO CONTROL THE INTAKE OF ALCOHOL. THE ONLY SOLUTION IS NO ALCOHOL !!!!!!!
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.
AUTAN, YOU REALLY ARE AN ALCOHOLIC, YOU CANNOT DRINK LIKE A SO-CALLED NORMAL PERSON, BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC AND YOU ARE UNABLE TO CONTROL THE INTAKE OF ALCOHOL. THE ONLY SOLUTION IS NO ALCOHOL !!!!!!!
The strangest part of my relapse this time, was the thought process.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.
See there - you proved once again that "Slick" ain't your friend.
Drop him.
Don't pick up.
We are definitely not the only ones. We are just good liars. We can even Lie to ourselves and believe them. I think being an Alcoholic is far more than just drinking or not, its a state of mind.
With a little hope, we have crossed a very large barrier in our minds. We know we can stop drinking, now we have to stop lying to ourselves that were ok. Were not OK and never will be.
If we can accept this, there is no reason why we cannot break this cycle forever.
With a little hope, we have crossed a very large barrier in our minds. We know we can stop drinking, now we have to stop lying to ourselves that were ok. Were not OK and never will be.
If we can accept this, there is no reason why we cannot break this cycle forever.
my sponsor calls that little voice, "slick". He's a slick, cunning little bastard and he's there to find any way to twist your vision he can, so that you'll "see" it's ok to drink.
See there - you proved once again that "slick" ain't your friend.
Drop him.
Don't pick up.
See there - you proved once again that "slick" ain't your friend.
Drop him.
Don't pick up.
Me too.... good for you getting to a meeting. For me, what I have learned is that I stay sober when I include AA in my toolkit for staying sober.
When I don't, I don't.
I hope you find it helpful and, for what it's worth I'd strongly suggest you work it in daily for a while if you can.
When I don't, I don't.
I hope you find it helpful and, for what it's worth I'd strongly suggest you work it in daily for a while if you can.
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