Hungover.
 

I've spent New Years Day in bed. I haven't showered. I haven't done anything remotely productive. I've been depressed but I'm finally coming to the realization that alcohol is not a fixer. If anything, it makes it much, much worse.

I drank too much last night. I ended up fighting with my boyfriend and crying in front of all of my friends. I passed out drunk shortly after the ball dropped. I, apparently, woke up stumbling around in the dark at about 5:30AM to use the bathroom. My boyfriend was asleep on the couch, heard me and came to take care of me. I **** the bed in the middle of the night. I was so drunk that I completely lost control. My boyfriend cleaned up the mess in the bedroom and then came to take care of me. I got in the bathtub and felt sick so I just threw up right there in the bathtub. I started crying and apologizing to the man I love. I told him that I wanted to die. I told him I'm a bad person and that I have no purpose. He had tears in his eyes when I looked up at him. I showered, got some water and went to bed.

This is what brought me to this forum today. It's the new year and changes need to be made. I've never considered myself an alcoholic. I don't live to drink. I don't have withdrawal symptoms if I don't have anything for a while. I am, however, a binge drinker. I cannot stop when I get going. I drank a bottle of wine two days ago and last night I had two more bottles of wine and countless shots of whiskey for good measure. I *like* to drink. I like the taste. I like the whole experience. I have several shapes and sizes of wine glasses and beer glasses to suit which beverage I want to consume. I like having a wine collection so when friends come over I can just pick and choose a bottle of wine. This thing that I like so much though, is destroying me. It has shredded me up from the inside and left me stumbling around in the dark.

I've never acknowledged that I might have a problem. I fully admit to binge drinking but.. I never really considered what it's doing to my health and my relationships in the process. So, I guess I'm here because I want to get sober. I don't want to be the girl who ***** the bed and pukes all over herself.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm looking forward to posting here more. I'm looking forward to taking my life back.

Welcome and you have made a great decision. Sounds like you have a wonderful man there xxxxx

Welcome to the forum Nikkabean. I hope this is the start of better things for you, M x

Welcome! You are not a bad person. You are struggling with alcohol like so many thousands before you. Alcoholism is an insidious condition and most find that only abstinence offers a solution.

There are many great people here and lots of great support!

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

You've made a great decision, and will find plenty of support here! :)

Welcome, you are very welcome, you will find a lot of help and support here. Keep posting and reading, you will become the person you wish to be x

Welcome Nikka!

Lots of great folks here with wisdom and support!

You can post wherever you like and whenever you like, so feel free to join us in the "January 2014 Class" thread too. It is a thread for folks like us who are starting our journey today...

Wishing you success and sobriety starting today!!!

Kat

Better days are ahead!

My story is very similar Nikka except my binges for awhile got very close together
I wish you luck. Let's do this together. Day 1 almost done come on Day2

Your story helped me remember how terrible it got. You and I drank the same. It has to get this bad to show us we have to do something about how we are living . Do me a favor and keep you post. Read it over and over. Because when you're feeling better, you might forget how bad it got. The bad new is it only gets worse. The good news is, you never have to feel this way again if you put the plug in the jug a day at a time. You're in the right place here! Welcome!

:welcome


I'm glad you've joined the family. We are here to encourage and support you. You can do this! :hug:

Nikka - welcome to SR. Also a binge drinker and many times I don't recall what happened or how I got home. you've made the correct decision to stop and SR is a great place for support. I don't know I would have made it the 35 days I have so far if not for being able to open up here. it gets better, day by day...

Your post breaks my heart because I remember exactly what that feels like. I don't have an off switch either and can't control myself once I start. I have my fair share of gross, humiliating stories. When I decided to quit drinking, I had to start by getting rid of my precious collection of barware, which I did with a heavy heart because I felt like I was breaking up with my culture. It felt like a tremendous loss at the time, but it cut a tie that held me back. Focus on what you will gain when you quit - you will get yourself back. That's worth more than all the cocktail glasses in the world!

Welcome. You came to the right place. Take it one day at a time.

I feel your pain. I've been in the same shape as you all day today. Was too ashamed to even get on SR until now. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. this is SO not worth it :(

Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your awareness of what you're facing. It can get better if you decide you've had enough. I have to say I definitely relate to your angst and disgust as I have so many drunk stories that still make me sick to think about. It doesn't have to be that way and I am thrilled to know that I have options. I never have to go back to that nightmare. Please join us in the sober journey. Give it a try!

Oh Nikka. You remind me so much of myself. I wish I could give you a hug. My heart goes out to you. I've felt like you before. I'm glad you're here because now you'll see that you're not alone in this. Millions of people know exactly what you're going through and millions of people are living their lives happy and sober now. Hang in there! There are lots of people that can help you and you don't have to feel like that ever again.

Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of understanding and insight here. Glad you joined.

Welcome Nikka :)

Welcome Nikka :) I wish you all the best with your sober journey. Keep coming back this is a wonderful and supportive community!