Hungover.
 

I've spent New Years Day in bed. I haven't showered. I haven't done anything remotely productive. I've been depressed but I'm finally coming to the realization that alcohol is not a fixer. If anything, it makes it much, much worse.

I drank too much last night. I ended up fighting with my boyfriend and crying in front of all of my friends. I passed out drunk shortly after the ball dropped. I, apparently, woke up stumbling around in the dark at about 5:30AM to use the bathroom. My boyfriend was asleep on the couch, heard me and came to take care of me. I **** the bed in the middle of the night. I was so drunk that I completely lost control. My boyfriend cleaned up the mess in the bedroom and then came to take care of me. I got in the bathtub and felt sick so I just threw up right there in the bathtub. I started crying and apologizing to the man I love. I told him that I wanted to die. I told him I'm a bad person and that I have no purpose. He had tears in his eyes when I looked up at him. I showered, got some water and went to bed.

This is what brought me to this forum today. It's the new year and changes need to be made. I've never considered myself an alcoholic. I don't live to drink. I don't have withdrawal symptoms if I don't have anything for a while. I am, however, a binge drinker. I cannot stop when I get going. I drank a bottle of wine two days ago and last night I had two more bottles of wine and countless shots of whiskey for good measure. I *like* to drink. I like the taste. I like the whole experience. I have several shapes and sizes of wine glasses and beer glasses to suit which beverage I want to consume. I like having a wine collection so when friends come over I can just pick and choose a bottle of wine. This thing that I like so much though, is destroying me. It has shredded me up from the inside and left me stumbling around in the dark.

I've never acknowledged that I might have a problem. I fully admit to binge drinking but.. I never really considered what it's doing to my health and my relationships in the process. So, I guess I'm here because I want to get sober. I don't want to be the girl who ***** the bed and pukes all over herself.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm looking forward to posting here more. I'm looking forward to taking my life back.

Welcome and you have made a great decision. Sounds like you have a wonderful man there xxxxx

Welcome to the forum Nikkabean. I hope this is the start of better things for you, M x

Welcome! You are not a bad person. You are struggling with alcohol like so many thousands before you. Alcoholism is an insidious condition and most find that only abstinence offers a solution.

There are many great people here and lots of great support!

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

You've made a great decision, and will find plenty of support here! :)

Welcome, you are very welcome, you will find a lot of help and support here. Keep posting and reading, you will become the person you wish to be x

Welcome Nikka!

Lots of great folks here with wisdom and support!

You can post wherever you like and whenever you like, so feel free to join us in the "January 2014 Class" thread too. It is a thread for folks like us who are starting our journey today...

Wishing you success and sobriety starting today!!!

Kat

Better days are ahead!

My story is very similar Nikka except my binges for awhile got very close together
I wish you luck. Let's do this together. Day 1 almost done come on Day2

Your story helped me remember how terrible it got. You and I drank the same. It has to get this bad to show us we have to do something about how we are living . Do me a favor and keep you post. Read it over and over. Because when you're feeling better, you might forget how bad it got. The bad new is it only gets worse. The good news is, you never have to feel this way again if you put the plug in the jug a day at a time. You're in the right place here! Welcome!

:welcome


I'm glad you've joined the family. We are here to encourage and support you. You can do this! :hug:

Nikka - welcome to SR. Also a binge drinker and many times I don't recall what happened or how I got home. you've made the correct decision to stop and SR is a great place for support. I don't know I would have made it the 35 days I have so far if not for being able to open up here. it gets better, day by day...

Your post breaks my heart because I remember exactly what that feels like. I don't have an off switch either and can't control myself once I start. I have my fair share of gross, humiliating stories. When I decided to quit drinking, I had to start by getting rid of my precious collection of barware, which I did with a heavy heart because I felt like I was breaking up with my culture. It felt like a tremendous loss at the time, but it cut a tie that held me back. Focus on what you will gain when you quit - you will get yourself back. That's worth more than all the cocktail glasses in the world!

Welcome. You came to the right place. Take it one day at a time.

I feel your pain. I've been in the same shape as you all day today. Was too ashamed to even get on SR until now. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. this is SO not worth it :(

Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your awareness of what you're facing. It can get better if you decide you've had enough. I have to say I definitely relate to your angst and disgust as I have so many drunk stories that still make me sick to think about. It doesn't have to be that way and I am thrilled to know that I have options. I never have to go back to that nightmare. Please join us in the sober journey. Give it a try!

Oh Nikka. You remind me so much of myself. I wish I could give you a hug. My heart goes out to you. I've felt like you before. I'm glad you're here because now you'll see that you're not alone in this. Millions of people know exactly what you're going through and millions of people are living their lives happy and sober now. Hang in there! There are lots of people that can help you and you don't have to feel like that ever again.

Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of understanding and insight here. Glad you joined.

Welcome Nikka :)

Welcome Nikka :) I wish you all the best with your sober journey. Keep coming back this is a wonderful and supportive community!

Hi Nikka - I've been where you are at and know how bad you are feeling. Yes you need to stop drinking. Today is your day 1. There are lots of wise and compassionate people on this forum to help you. I was a binge drinker almost my whole life and it bought nothing good, it stunts your growth and brings only heartache and sickness. I've been sober several months now and yes, it's hard work (some days, some minutes, harder than others) but I've also experienced such feelings of love and gratitude that it takes my breath away sometimes. I hope you get to know what I'm talking about. You can do it, and better to start now than later. Hugs.

Alcoholism manifests in many different ways, including binge drinking. I'm sorry for your horrible experience. You will find lots of support and wisdom here. Welcome :)

Gosh, that sounds like an awful evening. I'm sorry.

I like the taste of beer and wine too, even used to brew my own beer and make my own wine. Gave it all up. It was a small price to pay for the peace of mind and self-respect that sobriety brought. No more worries about what did I do last night, or getting a DUI, or am I going to lose my job because I called in sick once too often and they're on to me.

It leaves a big empty space in your life at first but you get used to it, and eventually you fill in those spaces with cool stuff (none of which is likely to cause severe nausea or incontinence), and then you're real happy with how things turned out.

Glad you found us nikka. I could go for periods of time without drinking but then would binge and lose all control like you described. Just reading your post made me cringe, I am so glad I don't have to live like that anymore. I live in CT too. And go to AA. If you ever want more info about the program or simply want to hit a meeting, private message me on here. Hope you are feeling better!

Welcome, Nikkabean -
This is an awesome board. I hope you keep posting and keep reading. If it feels like too big a thing to contemplate never drinking again - maybe right now it isn't, but when the weekend comes and your hangover is gone - don't think beyond just the day at hand. Just tell yourself, "For today, I'm not going to drink." That's it. And you just keep going.
You can do this. And you can use your pretty glasses to serve desserts in.

Welcome! I have been where you are today so many times. Giving up alcohol was the best decision I ever made. I'm happy to hear you have decided to make a change and start enjoying a better life. SR is a fantastic community and you will find tons of support here. You can do this!

I am simply overwhelmed by the kind responses I've gotten on this post today. Thank you all so very much. Today was a very difficult day for me. I know this needs to happen because I cannot continue down this route. I just can't do it. I will continue to write and read. I'll seek the help and support from others. I'll do what it takes because I never want to see who I was yesterday again. Thank you so much..

Welcome Nikka. And thank you for reminding me why I gave up drinking.

I, too, spent the better part of decades struggling with the idea of whether or not I was a "real alcoholic". I never drank in the morning, could go days, weeks or months without it. But as soon as I had so much as a single sip of beer, the b1tch switch would be flipped on, and I'd be calling in the flying monkeys.

Then I would spend the next 1-4 days in total agony. Depressed beyond measure, anxiously jumping out of my skin, nauseous, dizzy, fearful, etc. It was an absolute living hell on earth.

But I made myself believe that I didn't have a problem because I could put space inbetween the episodes. That was the biggest lie I EVER tried to convince myself of.

Two bottles of wine, still to this day, doesn't seem like a lot to my alcoholic brain. I almost perceive them as glasses rather than bottles. A pint of whiskey sounds like an appertif. I am THAT delusional in regards to quantities.

Which is why I have to completely abstain. Drinking only a few bottles is still incomprehensible to my brain. If I'm drinking, I'm drinking to black. And then some.

Every. Single. Time.

Imagine what drinking to blackout is doing to our brains. Whether is once a week, a month or a year.

You can do this. We can help.

XO AO

Let me start by saying welcome and good luck!

I think we were all in denial at different times on being an alcoholic.