Hi Nikka - I've been where you are at and know how bad you are feeling. Yes you need to stop drinking. Today is your day 1. There are lots of wise and compassionate people on this forum to help you. I was a binge drinker almost my whole life and it bought nothing good, it stunts your growth and brings only heartache and sickness. I've been sober several months now and yes, it's hard work (some days, some minutes, harder than others) but I've also experienced such feelings of love and gratitude that it takes my breath away sometimes. I hope you get to know what I'm talking about. You can do it, and better to start now than later. Hugs.

Alcoholism manifests in many different ways, including binge drinking. I'm sorry for your horrible experience. You will find lots of support and wisdom here. Welcome :)

Gosh, that sounds like an awful evening. I'm sorry.

I like the taste of beer and wine too, even used to brew my own beer and make my own wine. Gave it all up. It was a small price to pay for the peace of mind and self-respect that sobriety brought. No more worries about what did I do last night, or getting a DUI, or am I going to lose my job because I called in sick once too often and they're on to me.

It leaves a big empty space in your life at first but you get used to it, and eventually you fill in those spaces with cool stuff (none of which is likely to cause severe nausea or incontinence), and then you're real happy with how things turned out.

Glad you found us nikka. I could go for periods of time without drinking but then would binge and lose all control like you described. Just reading your post made me cringe, I am so glad I don't have to live like that anymore. I live in CT too. And go to AA. If you ever want more info about the program or simply want to hit a meeting, private message me on here. Hope you are feeling better!

Welcome, Nikkabean -
This is an awesome board. I hope you keep posting and keep reading. If it feels like too big a thing to contemplate never drinking again - maybe right now it isn't, but when the weekend comes and your hangover is gone - don't think beyond just the day at hand. Just tell yourself, "For today, I'm not going to drink." That's it. And you just keep going.
You can do this. And you can use your pretty glasses to serve desserts in.

Welcome! I have been where you are today so many times. Giving up alcohol was the best decision I ever made. I'm happy to hear you have decided to make a change and start enjoying a better life. SR is a fantastic community and you will find tons of support here. You can do this!

I am simply overwhelmed by the kind responses I've gotten on this post today. Thank you all so very much. Today was a very difficult day for me. I know this needs to happen because I cannot continue down this route. I just can't do it. I will continue to write and read. I'll seek the help and support from others. I'll do what it takes because I never want to see who I was yesterday again. Thank you so much..

Welcome Nikka. And thank you for reminding me why I gave up drinking.

I, too, spent the better part of decades struggling with the idea of whether or not I was a "real alcoholic". I never drank in the morning, could go days, weeks or months without it. But as soon as I had so much as a single sip of beer, the b1tch switch would be flipped on, and I'd be calling in the flying monkeys.

Then I would spend the next 1-4 days in total agony. Depressed beyond measure, anxiously jumping out of my skin, nauseous, dizzy, fearful, etc. It was an absolute living hell on earth.

But I made myself believe that I didn't have a problem because I could put space inbetween the episodes. That was the biggest lie I EVER tried to convince myself of.

Two bottles of wine, still to this day, doesn't seem like a lot to my alcoholic brain. I almost perceive them as glasses rather than bottles. A pint of whiskey sounds like an appertif. I am THAT delusional in regards to quantities.

Which is why I have to completely abstain. Drinking only a few bottles is still incomprehensible to my brain. If I'm drinking, I'm drinking to black. And then some.

Every. Single. Time.

Imagine what drinking to blackout is doing to our brains. Whether is once a week, a month or a year.

You can do this. We can help.

XO AO

Let me start by saying welcome and good luck!

I think we were all in denial at different times on being an alcoholic.