We are a sensitive lot
 

I do believe I may be stealing my title straight out of Big Book text. Although I am not utilizing AA as part of my recovery, Bill W's sage words suddenly came to my mind in viewing another thread here.

The mod's here to an exhausting job of keeping this place a warm and welcoming place. I know early on in my time here I got my sensitive, newly sober nose completely out of joint when Dee removed one of my posts. At the time, I felt like punching him in the head (hee hee). In hindsight I now know why.

A big part of sobriety is learning how to be a grown up which includes not imposing our will on others...and well, knowing when to shut the heck up sometimes.

I recently got very frustrated myself on here lately and noticed a pretty sharp edge coming out in some of my posts. For me, that meant it was time to "shut the heck up". I had to take some time to regroup and recharge and let others support when I could not.

All of us here trying to stay sober have some pretty frazzled nerves, low frustration tolerance and well sorry...a whole lot of immature ways of behaving. We spent years running to something outside of ourselves like a baby clamoring for its soother.

Emotional regulation is a completely foreign language to us.

This is newcomers...most of us come here trembling and fretting and despising ourselves. We don't need a new reason to beat ourselves up.

The moderators are doing an exhausting job they have volunteered for.

Show a little respect where its definitely due.

In rereading this...perhaps I am guilty of postulating. I hate that.

dunno - sounds good to me :)

I love this place - and the people.

I want to help people who are just like me - that's why I accepted the job when it was offered to me all those years ago.

I know part of the job is to enforce the rules - but it's not the part I actually enjoy, and frankly I get narky when I spend too little time helping new people, and way too much time sorting out things I know could be sorted out without me with just a little bit of thought and consideration.

so...harrumph ;)

thanks for the post Nuu :)

D

Think she meant posturing. :)

Nah, your post is right on, Nuudawn. I have had a few little clashes here myself. After some reflection, I remember that I went through a little bit of those type of issues in rehab as well.

When dealing with communicating with another person, my sponsor always points out:

1. Does it really need to be said?

2. Does it really need to be said by me?

3. Does it really need to be said by me now?

You are right Nuudawn - it is fine to get reminded of this.

Yeah, I liked it, too, Dee.

None of us is perfect. I can be too caustic and argumentative. I have stubborn views on some issues or topics, and I can tend to dig in my heals and try to "prove" I'm right. Well, what's "right" for me isn't always "right" for others. And even if I am technically correct, I do believe there is always a way to make the same point with tact and civility.

What do you mean by that?! :tapping

I can't get through an hour without a good postulation.

Can I use this on my FB status too? lol. and make it a sticky here and in EVERY other place in my house, life etc because WOW...says it all!

:tyou :c011:

I appreciate your post so much Nuudawn.

We all have different styles & ways of expressing ourselves. It would be boring if everyone was the same, & we wouldn't really learn much. The trick is to keep things from boiling over when the (much needed) rules are broken. I'm not good at stepping into those situations, but thankfully others are. :)

Thank you Nuu. :hug:

Good stuff. I read something else recently that said something about "learning to hold my tongue allowed me to be more intentional rather than defensive".

And thanks Foolsgold...I did mean posturing : )

I'm not too bothered by snarky comments. I expect some snark when I posted that I got drunk and called my parents two nights ago. I would not expect this group to say "hey way to go". I did have one comment that bothered me a bit, but when I asked the poster about it, it wasn't at all what I had originally thought they meant. And although I don't agree with every reply on my posts, I think about every single one of them. I firmly believe that what people say to me here, they come from a place of experience, and genuinely mean the best. I know that I am not personally where I should be in sobriety, but thank Jesus I have people who understand to talk to about it.

So for that, I say thanks SR!!

Thanks NUU!

I always appreciate the kick in the pants I receive here on SR. Sometimes I have responded in a negative way, but I always learn something from the tough love. But when I feel so alone and vulnerable it is hard to get shut down on the internet. People can say things in text they would never say facing someone, so I don't know.

Closest I could find:

The Big Book page 125.

On a sidebar, here is a neat tool I use, the searchable big book:

AA Alcoholics Big Book Search

Nuu I think you're eloquent and often say the things I want to say, but lack the tact to

The modes aren't thanked enough. We are actually a pretty koombaya group. And this is a forum fir alcoholics and addicts, might not be the easiest group to moderate ;). The mods do a exceptional job keeping freedom of speech while making sure our community feeling isn't fractured!

Thank you for this post nuu. And I really miss that old face:) made me smile everytine I pictured he/she speaking your words;)

Nuudawn, FANTASTIC, I'm rootin for all of us "sensitive" drunks. :egypt:

I bite my tongue lots of times. I hear things that I think are wrong people say all the time and don't say anything because it's not worth the effort or time. I know I'm wrong a lot anyway, so better to remain quite and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt... I think.

Nuudawn

I always enjoy reading your posts. Sometimes they do come across as 'tough love' but I sense that you mean well. Having said that, I have been doing AA for months now so probably am not as sensitive these days. Also my sponsor is ex-military so he is an expert in dishing out tough love to me ;)

The only thing I am glad that you have changed is your avatar, the last one used to give me the willies :):):)

And sometimes, I think to myself after I fall on my mug and then post here about it, this thought has crossed mind....l

"If ONE more freakin' person asks me what my plan is...I'm going to go insane!!!!"

How do I love thee Nuu ? Let me count the ways.

Spot on sistah. It's too easy to forget that behind these typed words are FEELINGS.

Real, and honest, and gut wrenchingly truth based, emotional rollercoaster FEELINGS that are being expressed via the written word. We come here naked and wounded, broken and shattered with our scars on display for ALL to judge and have their way and say with.

This vulnerability and infancy of emotional expression is oftentimes hard to grasp without the aid of vocal trembling and eyes that are swollen and red. If we were to have the ability to see the person behind the words, what words might we choose differently ?

It's imperative for me to remind myself that we are all approaching each thread from our own frame of reference. What is very real for me, may be an "Oh Christ Almighty, stop being drama queen nut bar" read from someone else's perspective.

And I think tough love has a place in all of this, provided that it isn't venom cloaked in tough love.

I couldn't be more grateful for this place.

Be well.

XO AO

Thx, Mom.

Well-said, Nuu. :c011:


June

Thanks for the reminder Nuudawn, my heart was pounding in my throat as I clicked Submit Reply on my first post. I was terrified -- terrified to admit that I was alcoholic, terrified that my RL identity would come out, terrified of being judged. I got nothing but support and acceptance.

It's a privilege to be a member of SR but with it comes the responsibility to provide what we have been given.

My favorite acronyms, WAIT and WAIST. Why am I talking and Why am I still talking?

If we waited until we absolutely HAD TO post, there wouldn't be much of a forum, IMHO.

I try and keep in mind that I cannot read people at all from a text.

There are so many non verbal cues to human communication and all that is thrown out the window in a forum, so I try and assume that people mean well.

The key word being TRY.

None of us is perfect, most especially myself. I know my words have been taken poorly in some cases, and not sure i always express the ideas I want to convey effectively.

But I really love this site. There is nothing else like it.

There are a few different ways I could take that Majority. I'm going to pick a nice one. :tyou

This post was triggered by something I saw today (perhaps before it got deleted ...maybe kinda sorta huh). I shot from the hip...lol as I am sometimes want to do. I in no way want to come across as "holier than thou" or anybody's mama.

Just appreciate this place and want everybody to play nice in the sandbox. Even though I've gathered up my barbies and stormed off a time or two.

Ive definitely gathered up my Barbies and stormed off a few times. Humans are sensitive beings. Thank you for this post Nuudawn!


"Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind." ~ Henry James

( Its nice to see you Nuudawn!)

I always try to remember that us alcoholics are usually our own worse harsh critics and i don't need to add to that burden, my motivation is to offer some encouragement and maybe a question .

I also forget that the newbies might have never heard of AVRT, Thinking the drink through to the end , Urge surfing and lots of other stuff , so do try to remind myself to mention some of those useful tools/stratergies at times .

Bestwishes, m